Monday, November 24, 2014

Citing Indefinite Safety Issues - Car Companies Recall Every Vehicle Ever Made

They're just too unsafe to be put in the hands of people.  Have you met people before?
image found here.
2014 has been a record setting year for cars, recalling them that is.  Automakers have recalled 56 million cars this year.  The issues range from ignition switches, hood latches, to acceleration issues. This is more than three times the amount of cars Americans will actually buy this year.

GM currently faces a slew of lawsuits from an ignition-switch recall. So far they have received applications from 165 families claiming they have lost a loved one caused by the malfunctioning switches.  But when the car company dug deeper, they found something even more shocking.  One industry official stated, "Look even if everyone stopped driving drunk and didn't text there would still be a ton of accidents.  People operating vehicles just isn't safe.  We figured if 165 families is a big deal, then the fact that 110 people in the Unites States die each day is enough to just stop this car thing altogether."
"You seriously use these cars in pedestrian rich areas?  Are you insane? Have you seen what these things can do?" - Automotive Representative
image found here
Automotive companies then looked at how vehicles are used in cities.  An auto representative commented, "Have you seen how people drive around a major city? Motorists drive way too fast in cities, blow through red lights, and even when they're parked they're a major safety issue.   If the public is worried about a few hood latches and windshield wiper issues, they must be screaming to do something about all the death and injury directly caused by cars."

"Every Five days an entire plane worth of people gets wiped out because of cars.  We just can't stand for that anymore"
image found here.
Starting today all the major automotive agencies are recalling each and every car ever made in the interest of public safety. "Look if the airline had a Jumbo Jet falling out of the sky every five days they would shut down the company. We can't in good conscience keep selling these products that destroy so many lives every year."  Automotive companies are now scrambling to find relevance and profitability by investing in shoes, bikes, and mass transit vehicles.  


  1. Breathlessly awaiting the nationwide recall of dysfunctional windbags. Do alert us, Mr. Blunderson, won't you?

    1. That will never happen! I mean our model will eventually stop being made, but it won't be recalled.