SF to Replace "Transit-First" with "Parking-First" Policy

It's been a banner year so far with SF Supervisors dismantling transit projects that have been decades in the making.  Marc Farrell helped dismantle 30 Stockton bus changes, as well as add parking back on Polk Street.  David Campos and John Avalos fueled the fires of hate for the red transit only lanes along Mission St by equating bus improvement with gentrification.  More recently, Katy Tang shut down the L Taraval safety plan to appease a few merchants and residents who prefer their parking to any pedestrian's life.  And we can't forget Mayor Lee and his brave work vetoing a "bike-yield" law that would treat bikes differently than a two ton speeding metal box.

"It's becoming more and more difficult to tout this whole 'Transit First" mantra while appeasing some of our merchants and car loving constituents.  So that's why we decided to modify the policy.  We do it with every transit project anyway, so this will save time and energy", said one supervisor.

SAN FRANCISCO CHARTER

PARKING-FIRST POLICY. (§ VIIIA_8A.115)

(a) The following principles shall constitute the City and County’s parking-first policy and shall be incorporated into the General Plan of the City and County. All officers, boards, commissions, and departments shall implement these principles in conducting the City and County’s affairs:
         
1. To ensure quality of life and economic health in San Francisco, the primary objective of the transportation system must be the safe and efficient movement of people and goods, by private automobile.
         
2. The “Poor People’s Shame Cab”, including taxis and vanpools, is a pathetic and ridiculous alternative to glorious transportation by individual automobiles. Within San Francisco, travel by public transit, by bicycle and on foot must be an unappealing alternative to travel and storage of private automobiles.
         
3. Decisions regarding the use of limited public street and sidewalk space shall encourage the use of public rights of way by privately owned automobiles, and shall strive to reduce bicycle and pedestrian traffic and improve public car use and storage.

4. Transit priority improvements, such as designated transit lanes and streets and improved signalization, shall be halted at the whim of merchants, several motorists and pandering supervisors.
         
5. Pedestrian areas shall be enhanced wherever it doesn’t, in any way, impact a motorists ability to live out the dream promised in car commercials.
         
6. Bicycling shall be half-heartedly promoted by throwing some paint scraps on the streets to allow easy access for delivery trucks, especially UPS trucks.  SFPD Bicycle crackdowns are mandatory.
         
7. 20th century parking policies for areas well served by public transit shall remain priority by even a single screaming merchant to encourage travel by combustible metal boxes.
         
8. New transportation investment should be squandered to meet the demand for private suburban style transport.

        
9. The desire of the City and County to reduce traffic congestion depends upon their ability to get re-elected and get to and from their jobs.  The City and County shall promote the use of personal combustible metal boxes so long as it suits their personal and political needs.
         
10. The City and County shall encourage 20th century solutions to meet private combustible metal box transportation needs wherever possible and where the provision of such service will not adversely affect the promise bestowed in said car commercials.

          (b) Sunday double parking is a sacred motorist right and shall never be mentioned by any supervisor or mayor.

          (Amended by Proposition C, Approved 5/6/2016)
          Editor’s Note:
          Formerly Sec. 16.102.

Mayor Lee Finally Announces More Vision Zero Talk Without Action

San Francisco, CA — There have been seven deaths this year compared with just one during the first 10 weeks of 2015, and seven during the same period in 2014.  After months and months of street carnage, Mayor Lee finally reiterated the City of San Francisco’s commitment to only talk about ending traffic fatalities and begged the public to be nicer to vulnerable road users.

“Our community is committed to look like we’re achieving Vision Zero by placing signs, painting lines, and begging the hordes of SF drivers to follow laws with few real penalties,” said Mayor Lee, who oversees the San Francisco Police Department. “The slew of tragedies remind us that we have no rules in place to prevent these fatalities from happening, or substantially penalizing motorists when they do happen, and that we’re perfectly okay with that. We’ll put up bigger signs, more infrastructure that relies on enforcement and motorists to behave, and that will suffice.” 

Market Street where red lights are simply no-no's.

The City of San Francisco has pretended to be committed to Vision Zero, adopting the goal of ending traffic fatalities and serious injuries. Our unique Vision Zero approach says that if we add signs, paint lines around San Francisco's street freeways, it's all going to work out. We’ll also continue to enshrine free & cheap parking as we continue to feel like we’re doing something great without sabotaging our political relationships with merchants and religious organizations.

Saturday & Sunday "Vision Zero" double parking.

Lee had no further comment before scurrying back into his office away from the public, only stating, “It’s getting tougher to fool the city into thinking we actually care about Vision Zero when the fatality count continues to climb and we turn a blind eye to things like Sunday (and now Saturday) double parking, but we have a few more tricks up our sleeves and we’ll be getting to work on that soon.”

Special thanks to Fake Mayor Harlie Cales for the "press release".