Pedestrian's Guide to Getting Along With Vehicles - Part II

Has this ever happened to you?  You're foolishly using your legs like a sucker, walking down a sidewalk and you find yourself basking in the glory of a car parked on the sidewalk?  Well fear not, pathetic pedestrian.  Here are a few simple tips that can help in these situations.

How fortunate were you to be reminded about your foolish decision to walk on a sidewalk?!
image found here, courtesy of Patrick Traughber

Step 1: Don't get angry.  While a metallic marvel resting on a sidewalk might not be your cup of tea, it's a very low level offense in the eyes of the law.   Retaliation in any form, like causing permanent damage to the car, could be considered a felony.  Don't even think about it!  Come to think of it, you should write an apology note just for contemplating such a thing, you monster.

A nice little note will go a long way to mending the rift you caused.

Step 2: When you're done writing a pleasant, self-effacing note, delicately post it on the car.  Throw in a few bucks as well for their troubles!  After that, simply walk around that steel beauty on the street, ever so slightly bowing your head in reverence and shame.

 

You are, quite simply, the worst.
image found here

Step 3: Once you passed your combustible, metal superior, find the nearest police station and turn yourself in for jaywalking.  You should be ashamed of yourself.

Walk over to the nearest SFPD station, like the Park(ing) Station Police Department and turn yourself in for being a filthy jaywalker.
image found here.

Having this kind of humility when it comes to traversing our city streets will go a long way to making  our cities better for motorists everyone.

A Pedestrian's Guide to Getting Along With Vehicles

As anyone who walks around San Francisco, you know that cars dominate the 40% of city designed to move and store vehicles, and that means we all need to work together.  So here's a tip on how to get along flawlessly with almighty vehicle.  Let's take a simple example.

You're a worthless pedestrian approaching a 4-way stop and you're about to cross but a car is blocking your route.  You should:

1. Recognize that being a pedestrian inherently makes you wrong.

It's your fault you decided to use your legs like a sucker.
Image found here.

Cars are bigger and faster and no matter how much you think you're right, you're wrong.  Let them figure out what's best.

2. Let the big shots pass.

What are you going to do about it?  That's right weakling pedestrian, nothing.

3. Bow down and apologize profusely for even considering crossing the street before a car does.

Just a simple gesture will go a long way to making peace with a blessed vehicle blocking their crosswalk.
Image found here. 

4. As the beautiful vehicle passes, wave and blow them kisses. Thank them for allowing you to even come near their vehicle unscathed.

We love you so much you blessed monsters!
Image found here.  

And there you have it, a perfect way to share the road that you don't deserve, and pass vehicles in a safe and respectful manner. Try this out next time you're foolishly on the road as a stupid pedestrian. You'll be glad you did!