Changes Proposed to Keep Cars King of Golden Gate Park

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Cars - Golden Gate Park’s most cherished resource. 

Anyone who goes into Golden Gate Park by foot or bike, immediately knows they don’t belong there.  Last year a bicyclist even died in the park, and that’s why the SFMTA is ready to protect our most cherished San Franciscans - cars.  So the mayor asked the SFMTA to devise a plan that does the bare minimum and keep cars driving and parking everywhere for free.  The project’s goals can be found here.

SFMTA makes note of a person dying in Golden Gate Park as a reason why they’re willing to make tepid car-friendly changes to the park.  

The SFMTA used index cards to collect all the potential ideas for Golden Gate Park improvements.  Ideas included:

1. Remove free on-street parking
2. Manage and charge for parking
3. Install bike lanes on all park streets
4. Divert all through traffic to the 2 ARTERIAL roads surrounding the park
5. Limit speed to 15 mph 
6. Triple traffic fines within the park

Once all the ideas were collected, they were thrown into a dumpster and set on fire.

Originally posted by campaignsick

The SFMTA then came up with “solutions” that wouldn’t impact motorists in the slightest, honored suburban style street design, and treated bicyclists and pedestrians like second class citizens.

The SFMTA proposes adding a smattering of paint, some signs, and maybe even a few raised crosswalks and blinking lights in a grand show of safety theater.  Fortunately none of the proposed changes will do anything to reduce the amount of people driving and parking for free in the park.

If you want to thank the SFMTA, Mayor Ed Lee and Ed Reiskin for all their hard work keeping cars everywhere in the park, you can thank them by filling out their survey here.

We heard you don’t want cars in the park, but we’re putting cars in the park, because of cars. 

Golden Gate Park(ing) - Refuge for the Weary Motorist

Don't let all the green fool you.  Golden Gate was built for cars, not stupid pedestrians & bikers.

Have you ever been in San Francisco and found yourself tired of pedestrians having the right of way with clearly marked crosswalks?  Have you thought to yourself, "why can't there be a place for me and my car without all those stupid bike lanes?"  Well boy do I have a place you will love.  It's called Golden Gate Park and once you step wheel into it you'll immediately realize it's built on a cartopian dream that takes nature and collides it with the convenience of vehicles.  It was meticulously designed to make anyone who walks or bikes in it feel like a Grade A loser. Here are a few highlights:

#1 - Pedestrians Don't Matter!

Secret pedestrian crossings are everywhere in GG Park. They may be in the form of faded paint, obstructed signs, or simply unmarked crossings with none in sight! 

Sure, there are some trails through Golden Gate Parking, but you'll notice bipetal movement of any kind simply does not matter and is often shunned by the street design.  Golden Gate Park has gone to great lengths to hide pedestrian crossings to the point where you could walk thousands of yards and wonder where you should cross!  It's just another way of saying, "get in a car, dummy."

Other pedestrian crossing areas are nestled in between lush obstructed landscapes around cars going at least 25 miles per hour.  What better way to say "why aren't you in a car like a normal person?"

#2 - Bikes Have Plenty of Places to Not Belong

Don't let Google fool you dear motorist, I highlighted the areas where there are bike lanes. Google foolishly assumes you can bike on some of the trails but you'll see the park signeage says otherwise. 

There was so much frustration and pushback on any kind of bike lanes on even a small amount of the stroads in an the urban park, that bikers will be hard pressed to find any coherent bike path of any kind.

 Don't worry about bike lanes.  They are either wedged between parked cars or near speeding traffic!  Yay Cars!

And if it's not amazing enough that there are barely any noteable bike lanes in Golden Gate Park my dear motorists, it gets even better!  There are literally dozens of places that bikes DON'T belong in Golden Gate Park! You were wrong about those bike paths, Google, so very wrong.

Golden Gate Park knows that, for some stupid reason, some people actually want to bike in a park.  Fear not!  They know enough to ban bikers, but not build bike lanes. 

A few idiot bikers trying to get through glorious cross park motor traffic.  

Anyone who bikes around Golden Gate Park will soon understand they are not welcomed.  Every now and then you'll see a pesky faded bike sharrow or two, but don't let that dissuade you my friends. As you motor your way thru you'll understand that you're the king of this urban park.  When street lanes get wide enough you'll be able to store your car on them, I guarantee.

Every now and then you'll see a faded bike sharrow between a speeding & parked car.  

#3 - You can Park Virtually Anywhere!

There are so many places to park your car!  You may find a little gem of a parking lot here and there, but rest assured if there's a side of  something, you're allowed to park there, even if it's in the middle of two crosswalks!

In the magical motor land of Golden Gate Park, asphalt is practically begging you to stop on it.  All throughout the park you'll find varying species of parking, from the marked signs, unmarked areas, down to little nooks and crannies stuffed with hordes of cars.  And the best part about it is that you'll never have to pay a dime to park there.  Unlike other urban parks, the streets are free to store your car on for hours on end.

The best part is unlike most urban parks, you don't have to pay a thing to park!  You're apparently limited to 4 hours of parking in the same location, but do you think anyone checks?  Doubtful!

Even though it's a park that's heavy with pedestrians and some foolish bikers, you're still more than welcome to go the posted speed limit of 25 miles per hour (but who really goes that slow?)  There are tons of thru-fares and even a freeway like Highway 1 in this very park.  Despite the fact that people with children and elderly people stroll through this park, you'll never be forced to drive elderly center & school zone speeds. 

Doesn't matter where you're going in Golden Gate Park.  Rest assured that no matter how many pedestrians and bikers are around you're well within your rights to go 25 miles per hour.  Save the slow driving for elderly centers & schools, where you're legally obligated to restrain yourself. 

#4 Golden Gate Park has an Underutilized Underground Parking Shrine

Underneath the Science Academy lies a testament to parking.  There you can drive all around to your heart's content and look for just the right spot.  Keep in mind, though, you would actually have to pay for parking down there, and then use your legs like a sucker to get to other parts of the park.  You might want to just drive thru this glorious parking jewel and take some pictures of the hundreds of unused spaces like I did.

There is a huge underground parking structure below the Science Acadamy but don't worry you'll never have to park down there.  Since parking is ~everywhere~ in Golden Gate Park and it's free, why bother?

So if you're looking to leave the trappings of city life in your car, enjoy nature, but never use your legs like a sucker" Golden Gate Park is just the place for you.  It's truly a majestic park designed for the almighty vehicle.  Enjoy!

Buffered Bike Lane in Golden Gate Park - WORST IDEA EVER!

Buffered bike lanes in Golden Gate Park force motorists to deal with slower speeds and dooring.  A problem previously endured by bikers.
Image found here.

When you go into a park riding a bike is probably the last thing on your mind.  You're most likely wondering how you're going to be driving and parking your car in mother nature's green bosom. Well, some idiots at the SFMTA decided that they would try to make cycling safer in San Francisco, while protecting nature's most precious resource, car parking.  Golden Gate Park is not only home to ponds, windmills, and buffalo, but it's also home to 10,000 parking spaces.

Golden Gate Park: Home to 53 species of mammals, 250 species of birds, 20 species of reptiles and thousands of varieties of parking spots.
image found here

The SFMTA came out with a report stating that these modifications made pedestrians, cyclists and even drivers feel safer.  Motorists certainly applaud the efforts of the SFMTA to not remove the ten thousand parking spots in Golden Gate.  Some motorists complained about parking in the new configuration. Agnu Dillford exclaimed, "How are you supposed to know where to park?  Where it says parking?  Where all the other cars other are parked?  Do you park on the asphalt that has the picture of a bike and forward moving arrows?  It's so confusing!"

"Wait, do I park where all the other cars are parked, or do I park in the lane with the arrows and pictures of bikes?"
image found here.

Some people are not happy with the design, mainly because drivers can no longer enjoy road domination for nearly a mile.  Transportation nation claims, "For cars, average speed has dropped about two or three miles per hour since the road was striped."  Drivers are forced to slow down their car in one of the largest urban parks, surrounded by nature.  Motorist Lita Ward said, "I've had several incidents where I've nearly collided with people getting out of their cars, that are crossing the bike lane into the sidewalk area,”  Because of the changes, cars have to slow down and be mindful of dooming (when someone opens up their car door and hits your vehicle), a problem that was previously confined to people riding bicycles.

Just a few blocks down Golden Gate Park and natural street order is restored.  Cyclists contend with speeding cars and the threat of dooring.  The way nature intended.

And while the first few blocks of Golden Gate Park remain an absolute nightmare, the rest of streets remain a glorious testament to car domination. Aside from the few strips of buffered bike lanes, motorists also have to contend with "Car Free Sundays" when less than a 4th of the space in Golden Gate is devoid of nature's greatest gift, car traffic and parking.

Car Free Sundays.  Nature must be rolling in her grave.
image found here.