Cars - Golden Gate Park’s most cherished resource.
Anyone who goes into Golden Gate Park by foot or bike, immediately knows they don’t belong there. Last year a bicyclist even died in the park, and that’s why the SFMTA is ready to protect our most cherished San Franciscans - cars. So the mayor asked the SFMTA to devise a plan that does the bare minimum and keep cars driving and parking everywhere for free. The project’s goals can be found here.
SFMTA makes note of a person dying in Golden Gate Park as a reason why they’re willing to make tepid car-friendly changes to the park.
The SFMTA used index cards to collect all the potential ideas for Golden Gate Park improvements. Ideas included:
Remove free on-street parking
Manage and charge for parking
Install bike lanes on all park streets
Divert all through traffic to the 2 ARTERIAL roads surrounding the park
Limit speed to 15 mph
Triple traffic fines within the park
Once all the ideas were collected, they were thrown into a dumpster and set on fire.
The SFMTA then came up with “solutions” that wouldn’t impact motorists in the slightest, honored suburban style street design, and treated bicyclists and pedestrians like second class citizens.
The SFMTA proposes adding a smattering of paint, some signs, and maybe even a few raised crosswalks and blinking lights in a grand show of safety theater. Fortunately none of the proposed changes will do anything to reduce the amount of people driving and parking for free in the park.
If you want to thank the SFMTA, Mayor Ed Lee and Ed Reiskin for all their hard work keeping cars everywhere in the park, you can thank them by filling out their survey here.
We heard you don’t want cars in the park, but we’re putting cars in the park, because of cars.
Which one of these is more dangerous in the eyes of the SFPD and Mayor Lee's "Vision Zero"?
Answer, ALL OF THEM
In what many cities across the country would consider at best "an abject exercise in futility" or at worst "a crime against humanity" the SFPD is ready to spend their limited time and resources to crack down on entitled bicyclists and stupid pedestrians that rob motorists of the experience promised in car ads. According to SFist, special enforcement periods of January 4th, 6th, 9th, 12th, 20th, 23rd and 31st. And even though the three pedestrian collisions this year involved people walking in a crosswalk, the SFPD is ready to crackdown on a auto-industry shame campaign term known as "jaywalking".
According to SFPD's enforcement plan "Officers will cite for violations when pedestrians cross the street illegally or fail to yield to drivers who have the right of way. Bike riders will be stopped and citations issued when they fail to follow the same traffic laws that apply to motorists. All riders are reminded to always wear a helmet – those under 18 years of age must wear helmets by law. Pedestrians should cross the street only in marked crosswalks or at corners."
Missing from the report? The countless number of of people killed by stop sign rolling bicyclists and distracted pedestrians.
When asked where these undisclosed areas were, the police captain said "well it certainly isn't going to be Valencia Street, SOMA or Golden Gate Park! But, seriously we're looking for areas where it's clear that people on foot or on a bike bear the responsibility of their impact on the freedom of autos to move about the city unimpeded."
"Everyone plays a part in safety! AHAHAHAHA!!!"
Mayor Lee said, "it's great to see our mangled shame campaign version of Vision Zero in full swing! We want to continue to enforce the idea that ~everyone plays a part~ in safety, from the innocent motorists who make mistakes, kill & maim people, down to the reckless bicyclists and pedestrians who theoretically have been killing themselves on motorist's cars.
The SFPD and Mayor hope they can follow the success of their pedestrian and bicyclist crackdowns and move towards preventing equally dangerous practices; such initiatives as cracking down on pea shooters and rubber band guns in SF. One officer replied "We take great pride in the time honored tradition of picking on vulnerable minority groups in the name of safety."
Officer valiantly defending the city from reckless bicyclists on relatively slow, nimble, lightweight devices.
"We allowed a dumpster to sit in the bike lane for over 20 days, and people still want to bike in this city. It's fascinating!" image via Chema Hernández Gil
In his recent Examiner article, Joe "Transit Nerd"Fitz Rodriguez buys into anti-car propaganda claims that the "Annual bike count shows commutes in SF up nearly 9 percent". According to the SFMTA, "There are an estimated 82,000 bike trips in the city per day, an 8.5 percent increase in bike trips from 2014 to 2015". And while I wholeheartedly disagree with data in favor of firmly held beliefs, I'm delighted to see that the city continues to show general ambivalence and some distain to biking, despite the increase in numbers.
A SFMTA representative said, "Yeah we're really shocked the numbers went up, even with our disjointed 'bike network' or whatever you want to call it. San Francisco even had a 'bike injunction' from 2006-2010. Our bike plan was held up in court on the presumption that the bicycle plan could cause 'significant damage to the environment and therefore requires an environment review under the California Environmental Quality Act'. Can you imagine? Nothing could be done, because removing travel lanes and parking spaces in favor of bike lanes CAUSE cars to CAUSE more congestion. Our self proclaimed 'green, environmentally friendly, progressive city' couldn't even put in bike sharrows or bike racks because it could ruin the environment!"
"This is the best we can do for your bicycling children, because: Parking > Children"
Unfortunately the bike injunction was lifted, but the spirit of saving parking remains, even with our SFMTA Director of Sustainable Streets, Tom Maguire. He said he enjoys cycling with his kids on that one mile stretch of "parking protected" Golden Gate Park. Maguire said, "That’s a weak design choice the city will employ, because just like Golden Gate Park, the city sorely needs as much on-street parking as possible." Maguire added, “We don’t want to make a choice between parking and cyclists” and rarely ever does.
The SFPD has been trying to curb biking for years, and explained, "We also can't believe bicycling increased even though we rarely ticket motorists in bike lanes, or for anything really. We had police officers dedicated thousands of dollars to ticketing people in those tiny, nimble, relatively slow moving vehicles and the numbers still increased! We don't even crackdown on Valencia street, where you'd be hard pressed to find a second of the day when there's not some car parked in the bike lane, and we even have a police station on the street! What are these bikers thinking!? We don't care about biking and you shouldn't either!"
"Don't expect us to unblock bike lanes when we have Wiggle stop sign rolling bikers to deal with"- SFPD, probably. image via SFGreen
"Despite the fact that none of this paint 'infrastructure' is adequately enforced, we'll continue to install miles of paint on the streets of SF." image via 0xEugene
Even Mayor Lee is taking his piece of credit for the uptick. Despite only using his bike for photo-ops, he said, “as San Francisco grows in population, housing and jobs, it is critical that we offer shoddy and disjointed bike infrastructure that never removes even a thread of parking. We'll also make sure to increase enforcement on this safe and affordable way of getting around the City,” said Mayor Ed Lee. “And that's why I vetoed the 'bike yield law', to help make biking an even more unattractive option in the city. Hell, I might even slice up a bike lane again for one of my optometrist buddies!"
"I want to treat these 'vehicles' exactly the same, for safety of course!" - Mayor Lee, probably.
“Despite our lack of efforts, bicycling is San Francisco’s fastest growing mode of transportation,” said Ed Reiskin, SFMTA Politician of Transportation. “We're not entirely sure why it's happening. Have you seen Market Street, aka "Gauntlet Street" before? Yikes! With hundreds of thousands of new bike trips each year, we’re committed to watering down our bike plans while making parking plentiful for motorists. Expect to see more half-hearted bike 'infrastructure' that will undoubtedly get blocked by hordes of cars, and expect more SFPD bike crackdowns of course."
The city is full of poorly painted bike lanes with motorists double-parked daily. If we reach our city's official goal of 20 percent of trips by bike by 2020 it won't be from our efforts.” Ed Reiskin, probably. image via Adam Long
San Francisco, CA — There have been seven deaths this year compared with just one during the first 10 weeks of 2015, and seven during the same period in 2014. After months and months of street carnage, Mayor Lee finally reiterated the City of San Francisco’s commitment to only talk about ending traffic fatalities and begged the public to be nicer to vulnerable road users.
“Our community is committed to look like we’re achieving Vision Zero by placing signs, painting lines, and begging the hordes of SF drivers to follow laws with few real penalties,” said Mayor Lee, who oversees the San Francisco Police Department. “The slew of tragedies remind us that we have no rules in place to prevent these fatalities from happening, or substantially penalizing motorists when they do happen, and that we’re perfectly okay with that. We’ll put up bigger signs, more infrastructure that relies on enforcement and motorists to behave, and that will suffice.”
Market Street where red lights are simply no-no's.
The City of San Francisco has pretended to be committed to Vision Zero, adopting the goal of ending traffic fatalities and serious injuries. Our unique Vision Zero approach says that if we add signs, paint lines around San Francisco's street freeways, it's all going to work out. We’ll also continue to enshrine free & cheap parking as we continue to feel like we’re doing something great without sabotaging our political relationships with merchants and religious organizations.
Saturday & Sunday "Vision Zero" double parking.
Lee had no further comment before scurrying back into his office away from the public, only stating, “It’s getting tougher to fool the city into thinking we actually care about Vision Zero when the fatality count continues to climb and we turn a blind eye to things like Sunday (and now Saturday) double parking, but we have a few more tricks up our sleeves and we’ll be getting to work on that soon.”
Mayor Lee and the SFPD on little toys not meant to be considered legitimate forms of transportation. Photo: Aaron Bialick
Mayor Lee has been throwing a bone to the bike weirdos for some time now, with a smattering of disjointed bike infrastructure here and there and giving words of consolation whenever a biker or pedestrian meets their untimely end. He even bikes every year in front of cameras! He's now asking bikers to do what he cannot, take biking more seriously, mainly in the name of parking, parking, parking, and then safety. The mayor made a brief announcement regarding his recent veto threat of the Idaho Yield Law, where bikers rolling through stop signs with their nimble, lightweight vehicles, would be deemed less important than motorists speeding, running red lights, or violating pedestrian's right-of-way.
The mayor then urged bikers to take biking far more serious than he ever has.
Mayor Lee's private "Safety Wagon" Perfect for navigating approximately 50 square miles of city. image found here.
Biking is a priority (second, or third to car storage)
"Biking has its place, and that's usually next to car storage. If we can wedge in a bike lane between some parked cars, we'll probably do it, or not. Also, parking is so important that I removed "nickle and diming" motorists on Sunday, because there's nothing worse than having to pay to park your car on a Sunday. You can now drive and circle around for parking to your heart's content! Don't worry, Muni and Bay Area Bike Share users, your trips still cost the same on Sundays! I'm all for 'balanced streets' where the safety of a bike lane is met with the parking of my optometrist."
Cars can and will always be found on virtually every road in all of San Francisco, even in our urban parks, like Golden Gate Park! Market Street will always have tons of cars, but they're kind of diverted now. Sorry about that, motorists! You got most of what you wanted with Polk Street though! *wink *wink"
Laws apply to ALL vehicles.
"I mean, not that many of the traffic laws are really upheld that much anyway, but they apply equally to every vehicle. Even if it's a 3000 pound truck or a seven pound carbon frame with a 150 pounds resting on it. It's exactly the same in the eyes of our traffic laws. Listen to our officers when they say that you should make a complete stop, or put your foot down, or not put your foot down, or maybe you can roll through? Eh, semantics. We care about you bikers enough by lumping you all into the same bucket for safety or whatever. I won't stop another great use of SFPD resources and time to start another bike crackdown. I didn't before and I will didn't again. Oh and by the way, "Focus on Five" really isn't much a demand. If the SFPD does it that's fine, if not, well we kind of tried."
Do these look the same? Well to the law it does! It's for your own good probably.
As Mayor Lee left he told bikers to "take those toys of yours seriously" and reiterated his stance that he is "not willing to trade away safety for convenience.” Lee then got into his private chauffeured car, and drove off."
Pay no attention to the people at the top. The real winners are the supervisors who day in and day out say, "It's just easier to drive my personal car around this 50 square mile city." image courtesy of SF (Transit Riders Union(of jerks)
The SF Transit Rider's Union came up with a deplorable challenge for our city supervisors, to take Muniserable Transit! (See what I did there?!) The challenge ran from Monday, June 1st to Monday, June 22nd, one day for each of the years since 1993 when San Francisco voters passed Proposition AA which stated that the mayor, members of the board of supervisors and other city officials, to ride Muni at least two workdays per week. Absurd, right?!
Thankfully, about half our supervisors barely took it at all, and a few labored to put in a pity ride at the very end to lose out on the "Gunderson Gold: Zero Muni Rides" challenge. Fortunately there were a few well deserved awards waiting in the wings. Supervisor Tang won out with the least Muni rides. More people accidentally trip and fall into Muni more than Supervisor Tang took it. Well done, Tang!
Supervisor Tang squeaked by Cohen in the final days. Malia Cohen decided to take Muni that she had "given up on years ago".
It was a tough call on which of the six would receive the Gunderson Gold for best excuse not to "eat their own dog food" and ride Muni, but Mark Farrell won out! Farrell's excuse was that often times he has to drive his kids to school and it's the only time he can spend quality time with them. Because the best times in your car, driving through a pedestrian rich environment should be spent interacting with your kids!
Two Muni trips at the last minute. Why even try riding muni with your children when you can simply spend quality time with them driving!
And honorable mention goes to London Breed, who took three pity Muni rides, and never once took the 21 Hayes, which she recently decided to make the SFMTA keep 2 stops on the same block.
Well done London Breed! Good thing you avoided both these stops on the same block! Your lack of experience and attention to Muni will pay off greatly for all us motorists!
Other supervisors gave their constituents the impression that there are alternatives to the glory of driving a vehicle in a dense pedestrian rich environment. A special boo-out goes to John Avalos, David Campos, Julie Christensen, Eric Mar & Jane Kim. You are quite simply, the. worst.
And last but certainly last, I'd like to mention Scott Wiener and his deplorably high amount of Muni Rides. Children are going to look at this alternative transit lifestyle and think it's social acceptable. Please, children, let Mayor Lee be your compass, and only take a politically viable amount of transit rides if you absolutely have to.
Scott Wiener giving people the impression that Muni isn't just a shame cab for poor people. Image found here.
And to make matters worse those SFTRU gave me a mock award! Can you believe anyone would do such a thing?
Eric Mar & SFTRU and my mock award - "You Loath me, you really loath me!"
Image courtesy of Thomas Rogers & the SFTRU
Here's to next year when we can hopefully boot out all the supervisors who have shamelessly promoted public transit in our city. Let's ensure that San Suburbscisco stays a car first city!
Mayor Lee's 13th time at the optometrist to seek "balanced eyewear" that "everyone will like." image found here.
As mayor of San Francisco, Lee has a lot of important decisions to leave to others, and eyewear is no different. As Lee's personal driver parked into one Drs. Hiura & Hiura Optometrists god given parking spots (devoid of dedicated bike lanes) he said, “Everyone else is the expert. There's so many issues to balance when it comes to choosing eyewear, and I just want to make sure I embrace a decision that I had nothing to do with.”
Some people argued that Mayor Lee is wasting everyone's time as he already agreed to a standard eyewear design long ago and even touted it in many of his speeches. He promised long ago he would prioritize the safety of the eyewear above anything else. Others argued, "Look, you can't have everything in one pair of glasses here, and you're going to have to make a decision. Not everyone is going to be happy and as the mayor you need to accept that. Just pick the one that's the safest! Stop being a non-mayor, mayor!"
With the advice of everyone, especially those having tantrums, Mayor Lee is leaning towards the "Zero-Vision" model.
There was an audible gasp at the eyewear unveiling. Some people questioned if he really thought the safety was the number one priority. Others said that that an eyeglasses company kept calling his office and lobbying him to demand for a different prescription and so he had it changed. When asked about his opinion on the glasses, Mayor Lee explained,"I can’t have a particular position on which eyeglasses I want, except to endorse the most balanced approach because there’s issues with prescription, design and safety that should not be in conflict. We shouldn't promote the prescription strength over aesthetics or whatever the loud constituents want. I think they’re all going to be important." People started scratching their heads when they heard the mayor's "word soup."
As the mayor left the optometrist and dashed into his free chauffeured car, he said, "I can't comment right now on the eyewear design. All I know is I'm sure as hell not getting here by riding Muni or biking. That's for photo ops."
When you have vision problems, make sure to drive on over to Drs. Hiura & Hiura Optometrists. Park in one of the few spots that sustains all of their business.
California is facing one of the most serious droughts in decades, and to help ease concerns and shortages across the state the Drought Management Board is looking for new and innovative ways of regulating our water supplies. CA Spokesman Lenard explained, "We all know that there's a shortage and we initially thought of regulating water more heavily and adjusting prices to help manage supplies better, but it really doesn't make the population very happy. We took a look at how Mayor Lee and Ed Reiskin plan to manage their car parking based on voter concerns, and realized it was a much better way to go."
Water, parking, it's all the same. Leave it unregulated and free and it all works out for the best. Images found here and here.
To address parking shortages, the SFMTA has foolishly implemented parking enforcement on on Sundays. They claim it accomplished the following:
Double the average time drivers take to find a commercial parking spot on Sundays.
Reduce turnover by at least 20 percent, meaning that fewer customers can park in each space.
Cut the availability of commercial parking during Sunday business hours in half.
Reduce occupancy of underutilized parking garages on Sundays by 13 percent.
Bring in $9.6 million in annual revenue to an already underfunded SFMTA.
But Mayor Lee thinks it's a lot better to leave it free on Sundays, and that's just the kind of solution CA has been looking for in terms of water management. Effective today they are going to allow everyone to use as much water as they need, free of charge, on Sundays. They hope this helps ease everyone's concerns about water shortages.
Parking citations on Sunday, noon to 6 p.m: an absolute inescapable part of life, until now. image found here.
Not everyone agrees with Lee's stance, and Ed Reiskin has come up with a better way to mitigate parking shortages. He proposes to keep parking meters running on Sunday, but just tell everyone it won't be enforced and no one will get cited if they go over their allotted time. Upon hearing this, the Drought Management Board decided to adopt similar policies and tell everyone who needed water, to conserve it as much as possible, but it will be unregulated and unenforced if they take more than allotted
When asked what will happen with the lack of revenue from fines and fees associated with water usage offenders, the Drought Management Board said they would simply get a bond measure approved, akin to the one that Mayor Lee plans on recouping the $9.6 million in annual revenue due to abolishing Sunday parking. Lee assured everyone that a bond is "magic money" and a lot better than providing a steady source of revenue every year.
To gain popularity points with the city, the SFPD is also looking at ways to implement relaxed enforcement policies on Sundays as well. They've been toying with the idea of "Enforcement Free Sundays" for traffic violations, and half off misdemeanor fines.
Hopefully more agencies turn towards these simple populist answers to our state's most challenging problems.
"Turn yourself in if you want, or, whatever." image found here.
