SF Vision Zero to Crack Down on Most Dangerous Offenders: Pedestrians and Bicyclists

Which one of these is more dangerous in the eyes of the SFPD and Mayor Lee's "Vision Zero"?
Answer, ALL OF THEM

In what many cities across the country would consider at best "an abject exercise in futility" or at worst "a crime against humanity" the SFPD is ready to spend their limited time and resources to crack down on entitled bicyclists and stupid pedestrians that rob motorists of the experience promised in car ads. According to SFist, special enforcement periods of January 4th, 6th, 9th, 12th, 20th, 23rd and 31st. And even though the three pedestrian collisions this year involved people walking in a crosswalk, the SFPD is ready to crackdown on a auto-industry shame campaign term known as "jaywalking".  

According to SFPD's enforcement plan "Officers will cite for violations when pedestrians cross the street illegally or fail to yield to drivers who have the right of way. Bike riders will be stopped and citations issued when they fail to follow the same traffic laws that apply to motorists. All riders are reminded to always wear a helmet – those under 18 years of age must wear helmets by law. Pedestrians should cross the street only in marked crosswalks or at corners."



Missing from the report?  The countless number of of people killed by stop sign rolling bicyclists and distracted pedestrians.

When asked where these undisclosed areas were, the police captain said "well it certainly isn't going to be Valencia Street, SOMA or Golden Gate Park!  But, seriously we're looking for areas where it's clear that people on foot or on a bike bear the responsibility of their impact on the freedom of autos to move about the city unimpeded."


"Everyone plays a part in safety! AHAHAHAHA!!!"

Mayor Lee said, "it's great to see our mangled shame campaign version of Vision Zero in full swing!  We want to continue to enforce the idea that ~everyone plays a part~ in safety, from the innocent motorists who make mistakes, kill & maim people, down to the reckless bicyclists and pedestrians who theoretically have been killing themselves on motorist's cars.

The SFPD and Mayor hope they can follow the success of their pedestrian and bicyclist crackdowns and move towards preventing equally dangerous practices; such initiatives as cracking down on pea shooters and rubber band guns in SF.  One officer replied "We take great pride in the time honored tradition of picking on vulnerable minority groups in the name of safety."

Officer valiantly defending the city from reckless bicyclists on relatively slow, nimble, lightweight devices.

Mayor Lee Urges Bikers to Take Biking More Seriously Than he Does

Mayor Lee and the SFPD on little toys not meant to be considered legitimate forms of transportation.
Photo: Aaron Bialick

Mayor Lee has been throwing a bone to the bike weirdos for some time now, with a smattering of disjointed bike infrastructure here and there and giving words of consolation whenever a biker or pedestrian meets their untimely end.  He even bikes every year in front of cameras!  He's now asking bikers to do what he cannot, take biking more seriously, mainly in the name of parking, parking, parking, and then safety.  The mayor made a brief announcement regarding his recent veto threat of the Idaho Yield Law, where bikers rolling through stop signs with their nimble, lightweight vehicles, would be deemed less important than motorists speeding, running red lights, or violating pedestrian's right-of-way.

The mayor then urged bikers to take biking far more serious than he ever has.

Mayor Lee's private "Safety Wagon" Perfect for navigating approximately 50 square miles of city.
image found here.

Biking is a priority (second, or third to car storage)  

"Biking has its place, and that's usually next to car storage.  If we can wedge in a bike lane between some parked cars, we'll probably do it, or not.  Also, parking is so important that I removed "nickle and diming" motorists on Sunday, because there's nothing worse than having to pay to park your car on a Sunday. You can now drive and circle around for parking to your heart's content!  Don't worry, Muni and Bay Area Bike Share users, your trips still cost the same on Sundays!  I'm all for 'balanced streets' where the safety of a bike lane is met with the parking of my optometrist."

Cars can and will always be  found on virtually every road in all of San Francisco, even in our urban parks, like Golden Gate Park!  Market Street will always have tons of cars, but they're kind of diverted now. Sorry about that, motorists!  You got most of what you wanted with Polk Street though! *wink *wink"

Laws apply to ALL vehicles.

"I mean, not that many of the traffic laws are really upheld that much anyway, but they apply equally to every vehicle.  Even if it's a 3000 pound truck or a seven pound carbon frame with a 150 pounds resting on it.  It's exactly the same in the eyes of our traffic laws.  Listen to our officers when they say that you should make a complete stop, or put your foot down, or not put your foot down, or maybe you can roll through?  Eh, semantics. We care about you bikers enough by lumping you all into the same bucket for safety or whatever.  I won't stop another great use of SFPD resources and time to start another bike crackdown.  I didn't before and I will didn't again.  Oh and by the way, "Focus on Five" really isn't much a demand.  If the SFPD does it that's fine, if not, well we kind of tried."

Do these look the same?  Well to the law it does!  It's for your own good probably.

As Mayor Lee left he told bikers to "take those toys of yours seriously" and reiterated his stance that he is "not willing to trade away safety for convenience.”  Lee then got into his private chauffeured car, and drove off."  

Back To School: City Aims to Clear Conscience on Children's Street Safety

It's that time of year when parents send their children back to school and pray their kids can traverse the car dominated streets they've bestowed on them, unscathed.  Fortunately, the city has come up with some things to make themselves feel better, since speed limits, crosswalks, lights/signs and actually witnessing children on the streets just doesn't cut it.

And while motor vehicle crashes remains the leading cause of death among young children in the country, and driver distraction is at an all time high, the city will remain committed to safetyesque things while allowing unfettered street access to motorists.  The city police also threw out a bone, saying they will "be writing tickets to try and prevent disaster" a statement which is sure to comfort parents who have witnessed the driving habits of San Francisco motorists every day.

San Francisco "steps up" enforcement, because seeing vulnerable children on the street isn't enough to stop motorists from speeding, ignoring crosswalks and stop signs.
Image found here.

In addition to all the existing laws in place that have been around since the inception of the motorized vehicle, there will be at least 193 crossing guards staffing 187 corners at 95 schools citywide. Though there's little data on whether or not crossing guards do much to save the lives of our most vulnerable people on the streets, the tradition will continue.  One concerned resident said, "Whatever we can do to to make ourselves feel better that we're making a difference in the lives of children" and then sped off in her SUV while sending a "#SFsafetyfirst" tweet.

People with no actual power to enforce laws, stand by children with high-viz vest and stop signs in hopes of squeezing out some measure of humanity from motorists.
image found here.

Even Mayor Lee has gotten into pandering safety in the midst of car dominance, saying, "Drivers need to be more aware of traveling at safe and appropriate speeds, especially near schools where children learn and play,"  The Mayor plans on saying other nice fluffy things until statistics catch up and a life is lost, in which case he'll reiterate the same thing only in a much sadder tone.  In additional saying nice things, the city also plans on telling children how to maybe be safer by staying in "magical paint" and watching the light turn green and waiting 2-3 seconds for cars to pass, then weaving around cars in the crosswalks.

As cars zigzagged around one of the crossing guards, he said, "We're doing the best we can, and that's really all we can hope for.  I mean do you really expect people to drive reasonably knowing that our most precious resources are crossing the streets of San Francisco?  How ridiculous would that be?" as he chuckled to himself, with a visible tear in his right eye.

Signs like this will be all over SF to help people feel better about the city they created for their children.
image found here.