Reckless Bicyclists Offered Chance at Redemption With Car Exchange Program

https://bobgunderson.tumblr.com/post/161703640248/reckless-bicyclists-offered-chance-at-redemption

Anecdata like this cannot be ignored any longer  https://twitter.com/bkerogers/status/873717223117946880

Anyone who drives around NYC in a 2-ton metal box knows the sheer terror bicyclists brings to a dense city core.  Not a day goes by without hearing about some victim who needed to go to the emergency room for “nearly hit” injuries. 

Doctor looking over “nearly hit” patient’s x-ray, filled with unbroken bones and non-contusions.

With their small, light, nimble bikes propelled by their human bodies and sense of entitlement, bicyclists are a force to be reckoned with.  Hospitals are filling up with “nearly missed” and “almost killed” victims by the minute.  There aren’t enough hospital beds to hold everyone with theoretical injuries.

After hearing complaint after complaint from unscathed victims, NYC finally had enough and came up with an innovative approach to curing this hypothetical catastrophe. 

Glen Sandstone, NYCDOT safety think tank leader explained, “We had to think to ourselves, what’s going to stop these reckless bicyclists from hitting people, falling over, getting up, mending their bones, fixing their bikes, and leaving?!  That’s when we had an ‘eureka’ moment.  Get these reckless bicyclists into cars!” 

“Read the news and you won’t find much about motorists causing injury and death to people.  If a motorists is even mentioned, usually it’s just an ‘accident’ anyway.  So why not get these reckless bicyclists into cars where they’ll magically turn into patient, safety conscious, law abiding motorists?” said Glen.

The program is a simple yet a powerful tool in preventing bad bicyclist behavior by removing the source; eight pounds of aluminum and rubber.  “We give bicyclists an option, you either pay the fine for rolling through a stop sign, or we exchange your bike for a 2-ton, 350 horsepower metal box.  The results have been nothing short of extraordinary.”  

Reckless, helmetless bicyclist gives up bike for SUV.

Model behavior exhibited once they’re put in a tinted 4-ton entertainment system. 

“It’s like night and day.  Once they connect with their fellow motoring community, they pick up all their responsible behaviors quickly.  Former bicyclists now come to a complete stop at every single stop sign and always allow pedestrians the right of way.  Don’t even get me started on stop lights! It’s as if there’s an invisible force field preventing their car from even entering a yellow light.

“The real reward is just that look in an ex-bicyclist’s face when they’re able to reconnect with humanity through the windshield of an extended cab truck”, Glen said with a tear in his eye. 

SF Vision Zero to Crack Down on Most Dangerous Offenders: Pedestrians and Bicyclists

Which one of these is more dangerous in the eyes of the SFPD and Mayor Lee's "Vision Zero"?
Answer, ALL OF THEM

In what many cities across the country would consider at best "an abject exercise in futility" or at worst "a crime against humanity" the SFPD is ready to spend their limited time and resources to crack down on entitled bicyclists and stupid pedestrians that rob motorists of the experience promised in car ads. According to SFist, special enforcement periods of January 4th, 6th, 9th, 12th, 20th, 23rd and 31st. And even though the three pedestrian collisions this year involved people walking in a crosswalk, the SFPD is ready to crackdown on a auto-industry shame campaign term known as "jaywalking".  

According to SFPD's enforcement plan "Officers will cite for violations when pedestrians cross the street illegally or fail to yield to drivers who have the right of way. Bike riders will be stopped and citations issued when they fail to follow the same traffic laws that apply to motorists. All riders are reminded to always wear a helmet – those under 18 years of age must wear helmets by law. Pedestrians should cross the street only in marked crosswalks or at corners."



Missing from the report?  The countless number of of people killed by stop sign rolling bicyclists and distracted pedestrians.

When asked where these undisclosed areas were, the police captain said "well it certainly isn't going to be Valencia Street, SOMA or Golden Gate Park!  But, seriously we're looking for areas where it's clear that people on foot or on a bike bear the responsibility of their impact on the freedom of autos to move about the city unimpeded."


"Everyone plays a part in safety! AHAHAHAHA!!!"

Mayor Lee said, "it's great to see our mangled shame campaign version of Vision Zero in full swing!  We want to continue to enforce the idea that ~everyone plays a part~ in safety, from the innocent motorists who make mistakes, kill & maim people, down to the reckless bicyclists and pedestrians who theoretically have been killing themselves on motorist's cars.

The SFPD and Mayor hope they can follow the success of their pedestrian and bicyclist crackdowns and move towards preventing equally dangerous practices; such initiatives as cracking down on pea shooters and rubber band guns in SF.  One officer replied "We take great pride in the time honored tradition of picking on vulnerable minority groups in the name of safety."

Officer valiantly defending the city from reckless bicyclists on relatively slow, nimble, lightweight devices.

Vision Zero: NYC Officer Dink McCallahan Commended for Putting Away 2500 Elderly Pedestrians

Vision Zero champion Joshua Vincek commended for ticketing over1,200 incredibly dangerous cyclists during a 38-month period when the entire precinct summonsed 331 drivers for benign speeding. Dink McCallihan has them all beat.
Source: Streetsblog

When people think of Vision Zero, naturally they think of putting a stop to some of the most reckless individuals on the streets, bikers.  Fortunately, the NYPD has Joshue Vincek, who ticketed over 1,200 bikers who undoubtedly cause the majority of deaths and injuries on NYC streets.  But Josh wasn't the only recipient of a coveted Vision Zero award.  Officer Dink McCallahan was also given an award for citing the worst offenders of all, the jaywalking elderly.

Dink McCallihan loading his "Vision Zero" gun to rid the streets of "reckless, elderly, pedestrians"
image found here 

"Dink is a testament to the city's commitment to stopping all the street terror wrought by pedestrians, especially the elderly.  Our citations aren't based on any statistics.  It's just whatever the motorist community complains about.  Putting away those jaywalking elderly pedestrians is just the tip of the iceberg really.  We hope that he can also find time to cite children playing in the streets, bikers without helmets, and really anyone who impinges upon a motorist's right to their god given street space.  It's the only way we'll decrease the 200 traffic related deaths in our fair city", Said the chief.

Just one of the countless pedestrians with complete and utter disregard for the safety and well-being of the citizens of New York City.  Gladys, you're going away for a long time.
image found here. 

While Paris has determined that bikers going thru some red lights causes no increase in injuries or deaths, and Idaho allows rolling stops, rest assured that NYPD will continue to stop the reckless terror wrought by pedestrians and bikers until they truly reach Vision Zero.