SFMTA to Angry Motorists: "Screw it! You Can't Have Nice Things!"

"Does this look like a problem caused by pedestrian safety improvments, public transit and bike lanes, morons? "- SFMTA
Image found here

The San Francisco Metro Transit Association has been under a lot of fire recently from angry, math impared individuals and their poorly written websites, blaming them for everything under the sun.  Finally, after years of taking this abuse, they've finally released an open letter to the angry motorists of San Francisco:

Dear Angry SF Motorists, 

Screw it.  You can't have nice things.  You can't be trusted to drive safely or sanely on a big wide street with multiple lanes.  Is there ever a signal rotation that goes by without one of you jackasses speeding through it?  We have to tell cops to patrol you every single hour of every single day because we know you're doing stupid shit out there.  You treat pedestrians and cyclists like they're obstacles in a game and not real people.  You can't be relied upon to actually move your car after the allotted time so we have to babysit and ticket you.  You can't handle even the slightest traffic jam without losing your shit.  We have to send out traffic babysitters anytime something takes a few seconds away from your precious speedy commute.  

You can't share, you can't be safe, and you can't be trusted for anything.  You don't deserve to have anything nice.

"Does this look like the kind of thing we should have to prevent you from doing?  Can you at least attempt to hold onto one shred of decency when you're in your car?
image found here.

You complain that you don't have enough parking?  We put parking everywhere, even on busy arterial streets like a lunatic, but you still want more.  Are you serious that the ENTIRE LENGTH of the California Coast isn't enough for you?  Why are you being such selfish jerks?  You live in a city that was meant for, at most, 4,000 cars per square mile and now we're at 10,000. We're terribly sorry if you have a problem with simple math and geometry.  We'll gladly pay for a semester so you can relearn grade school math.  

Seriously?  This isn't enough?  This is more than TWICE the mount SF was every supposed to have?  And you wonder why there's car congestion?
image found here

Why are you blaming us for the parking issue?  Why don't you blame your neighbor that hasn't actually used his cars in over a month?  Or that family that NEVER parks in their garage because they don't want to move their pingpong table or clear the garbage out of it?  Why don't you blame your neighbor that has that big "Do Not Park" sign in front of his garage?  You know they never use it.  Quit blaming us you morons.  

We gave unfettered access to the street but you continue to stop in pedestrian areas and blast through stop signs.  Is this what you do with every single street that's designed for you?  You can't even signal properly half the time - Seriously, look at yourselves, you're like children out there with the honking horns and skidding brakes and a complete disregard for anyone but yourselves. What kind of adult acts like this?  

"Has a pedestrian or cyclist ever come even close to creating this kind of carnage?  And you want us to make it easier for you to drive in the city?  Are you insane?
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And for your people who have turned to the internet with statements like "Fix the MTA", do you have any idea what you're even talking about?  Have you even noticed any of the improvements we've made in the past few years?  We're even getting good Yelp Reviews!  Do you even take MUNI?  That's right, you don't.  You've gotten in our way, every step of the way to improve any of the bus lines.  You don't even know what we've done, and you're determined to prevent us from continuing on our successes.  Guess what, we need money to do it and we don't have it and you guys say to fix things before we have the money?  What kind of planet are you from?  You guys seriously are THE. WORST.

Do you even have any idea of what the MTA and Muni is?  The Muni's job isn't to tell you how to get there?  Muni gets you there by public transportation, you idiots.  This is why you don't deserve anything nice.
image found here.

So guess what, we're taking away a lot of your car lanes, we're taking away some of your precious parking spots, and we're going to give the more responsible groups a chance.  You'll be seeing more road diets, pedestrian safety improvements, dedicated bus lanes and bike lanes.  We'll gladly exchange the kind of fresh hell you motorists unleash for the potential of some cyclists rolling through stop signs and more jaywalkers.  So look out transit riders, pedestrians, and pedestrians that cycle, your time has come.  Time to let the people who haven't abused their privilege have reign of the streets.  

Suck it, Angry Motorists.

-SFMTA 

Prop L Sounds the Parking Alarm - "We Need More Space to Not Move Vehicles"

There's a real first world problem in San Francisco.  Per person, a car takes up 10 times more space than a bike, 15 times more than a train, and 30 times more than a pedestrian,  So obviously you need lots more room for them.  If you live in the population dense city of San Francisco, you're probably asking yourself "why isn't there more free space to not move vehicles?" The car balance loving supporters of Prop L have brought attention to this highly important issue.

The balanced use of a street should be to idle cars 95% of the time.  

Their website states "From 2009 to 2013, the MTA abolished over 4,000 street parking places" out of 441,950 spaces.  That's still more than the entire length of the California coast.  Did you hear that? The SFMTA "abolished" 00.90% of parking?  To help put that into perspective check out the picture below.

These 4,000 spots were once used to not move a car 95% of the time, for free.  And just what are they doing now?

• Bus bulb-outs and extra bus stop room to accommodate double loading and capacity.
• Car Share programs for people who want to get rid of their car or currently don't own one.
• The 3 actual bike dedicated bike lanes in San Francisco.  
• Parklets for pedestrians to enjoy more space around their favorite shops and restaurants
• "Safety"- like "Daylighting" Street corners for pedestrian visibility.  

Can you believe the SFMTA would abolish a parking space like this just so pedestrian can avoid vehicle carnage?
image found here.

Car dominated balance supporter Brandon Carlson exclaimed, "Since when did the Municipal Transit Association get it in their thick head that street space should actually move something? What kind of planet are they on?"  Prop L supporters believe that removing a fraction of a percent of space for parking is nothing short of madness.  Their hope is that when you think of gridlock in SF, you think of blaming the streets that lost car storage in favor of moving people and keeping them safer.

Space utilized to move people more than 5% of the time?  Disgusting.
image found here.

Backers of Prop L Look to Connect to Transit Riders, Pedestrians and Cyclists

Now that the people of "Restore Car Dominated Balance" have Proposition L on the ballot, they're looking for support from the people they are trying to marginalize.  Paul Aster, backer of Prop L said, "when we looked at the demographics we realized that the amount of people who solely drive isn't large enough to pass this through.  We need to connect to the other half of the city that doesn't drive a personal vehicle.  We want to relate to them and show that our wants and needs really aren't all that different."

"See, our concerns are not all that different"

Proposition L supporters want to make sure citizens understand how difficult it can be to sit in a vehicle and drive from point A to B in the least amount of time possible.  "We want to make sure someone in a bus realized that we're only parked in their bus stop because of bad city policy, somehow.  We want pedestrians to think twice when the crosswalk is blocked or we blew through a red light. Maybe it was due to a newly added bike lane, or some pedestrian safety initiative?  It certainly wasn't OUR fault."  Prop L supporters want everyone to put themselves in the lead shoes of drivers and contemplate the sheer horror of being unable to find a super convenient free parking space out of the 441,541 spaces available in SF.

Save these "Car Buffets" (Van Ness - Left, Masonic - Right) are perfect examples of balanced street-freeways 

Proposition L supporters also want to highlight some of San Francisco's wonderful "Car Buffets" that work amazingly well for drivers who can't handle excruciatingly slow speeds of 25 miles an hour.  Paul said, "These 'Car Buffets' are perfectly safe when pedestrians are in constant fear of bodily injury."  And while it's pretty clear that speeding doesn't save much time at all, Paul says that doesn't mean drivers shouldn't feel the satisfaction of getting somewhere faster.  "Some people feel the satisfaction of cycling to and from work, or carrying a load of groceries home from the store.  Drivers only feel this satisfaction when they're ripping through a neighborhood to get home just in time before The Big Bang Theory starts."

Prop L to make "San Francisco's streets safe and inclusive for EVERYONE".
Photo: Bryan Goebel

Paul concluded, "Once public transit riders, cyclists and pedestrians see that we're just another sharp, wildly spinning cog in the SF transportation machine, they'll be more receptive to this car dominated balance proposition."