SFMTA Board of Directors Nearly Mistook San Francisco for a City at Polk Street Meeting

SFMTA Board of Directors hearing crazy stories about the 85% of people who get to Polk Street without a two ton machine that runs on dinosaur juice.
image via Fitz The Reporter

On March 3rd at City Hall, the Board of Directors were rattled when they had to face the idea that San Francisco might not be a sprawling suburb.  Mayor Lee's political buffer was tasked with deciding if one street, in all of San Francisco, wouldn't have car storage.  As citizens weighed in on the plan for the 8 millionth time in 3 years, the Board of Directors got mixed signals that perhaps, just perhaps, San Francisco was actually a compact pedestrian-rich, multimodal city.

SF Board of Directors passed a "Bike Improvements" that any suburb would be moderately proud of!
image found here.  

What started as a complete Vision Zero style street with buffered bike lanes and priorities to movement other than cars, it soon devolved into a bike plan suburbia could find appealing. The Board of Directors heard horror stories that people might lose their way of life if forced to park on the 99.999999% of other street in SF that have car storage.

One person complained,"I'm too obese to bike" and went on to say that her husband also can't walk but oddly can't get a disability placard. There was also a concern for the elderly and other groups of people who should control tons of metal at high speed but are incapable of walking 2 blocks or taking the bus.  The Board of Directors sympathized for those who lived in the compact city of San Francisco, but couldn't operate outside of the single driver and parking paradigm.

“I’m not saying other things aren't important, because clearly they are — safety is paramount,”said Gwyneth Borden ,"but we cannot forget what makes San Francisco San Suburbcisco —slogs of parking on the roads and tons of motorist traffic.”
Gwyneth Borden. Image: SFGovTV

The Board of Directors fulfilled their duty as a political buffer between Mayor Lee and the public continued to listen for four hours.  They made sure to be silent for a few seconds when a death or injury was mentioned and then quickly moved back to parking concerns.  They knew they could could take comfort in the fact that the mayor had already made backroom deals with many of the merchants, thus solidifying a bike plan on the simple premise that parking belongs on every single street of San Suburbscisco.  Fortunately, the initial bike plan was whittled away by a favor to his optometrist who got one free block of bike lane removal. His gardener also gets to veto one of the crosswalks, and his mustache groomer received six blocks at a 55 mph speed limit.

Ultimately the Board of Directors approved a "Solomon Solution"which strikes a balance between the people getting hurt and killed on the street with the convenience of those doing the maiming.  Once the plan was approved, the Board of Directors jumped in their private automobiles and skidded back home, congratulating themselves on a job that any car dependent suburb would be proud of.

What do these streets in Portland, New York, Seattle all have in common?  They're things you'll never see on Polk Street.

Vision Impaired Mayor Lee Still Seeking "Balanced Eyewear"

Mayor Lee's 13th time at the optometrist to seek "balanced eyewear" that "everyone will like."
image found here. 

As mayor of San Francisco, Lee has a lot of important decisions to leave to others, and eyewear is no different.  As Lee's personal driver parked into one Drs. Hiura & Hiura Optometrists god given parking spots (devoid of dedicated bike lanes) he said, “Everyone else is the expert. There's so many issues to balance when it comes to choosing eyewear, and I just want to make sure I embrace a decision that I had nothing to do with.”

Some people argued that Mayor Lee is wasting everyone's time as he already agreed to a standard eyewear design long ago and even touted it in many of his speeches.  He promised long ago he would  prioritize the safety of the eyewear above anything else.  Others argued, "Look, you can't have everything in one pair of glasses here, and you're going to have to make a decision. Not everyone is going to be happy and as the mayor you need to accept that. Just pick the one that's the safest!  Stop being a non-mayor, mayor!"

With the advice of everyone, especially those having tantrums, Mayor Lee is leaning towards the "Zero-Vision" model.  

There was an audible gasp at the eyewear unveiling.  Some people questioned if he really thought the safety was the number one priority.  Others said that that an eyeglasses company kept calling his office and lobbying him to demand for a different prescription and so he had it changed. When asked about his opinion on the glasses, Mayor Lee explained,"I can’t have a particular position on which eyeglasses I want, except to endorse the most balanced approach because there’s issues with prescription, design and safety that should not be in conflict. We shouldn't promote the prescription strength over aesthetics or whatever the loud constituents want.  I think they’re all going to be important."  People started scratching their heads when they heard the mayor's "word soup."

As the mayor left the optometrist and dashed into his free chauffeured car, he said, "I can't comment right now on the eyewear design.  All I know is I'm sure as hell not getting here by riding Muni or biking. That's for photo ops."

When you have vision problems, make sure to drive on over to Drs. Hiura & Hiura Optometrists.  Park in one of the few spots that sustains all of their business.  

Save Polk Street Crowd Still OK With Murderous Street Design

"Accidents happen.  If only there was something we could do.  Oh, we can?  No thanks. " - Save Polk Street
image courtesy of Folks for Polk

With its slog of parking spaces and wide speed lanes, Polk Street has been a Detroit dream for decades. It's enough to make the Michelin Man weep with joy. An average of 2-3 ped/cyclist are struck per month, making it one of the 6% of SF corridors classified as "high-injury". Some people like Folks for Polks argue that since 85% of people get to Polk Street through transit, walking, or biking that they shouldn't have to suffer the wrath of the 15% of motorists that blow through it.

A group crowds around an injured person to explain why parking is so critical to Polk Street's 15%
image courtesy of Folks for Polk

The Save Polk Street Crowd has been fuming at the idea of losing 18% of parking spots on Polk Street, but perfectly comfortable losing human life.  The livid crowd would discuss revenue losses that have yet to happen on more equitable streets.  People like Folks for Polk have argued that revenue increases on streets that actually cater to people's safety and well-being.  They have also argued that building a bike lane not only promotes safe biking but it also slows down cars which also saves pedestrians from injury and death.  The Save Polk crowd said logic has no place when it comes to parking a car.

Dawn Trennert looking insanely receptive to the safety concerns of the 85% of people who get to Polk by mass transit, walking or biking
Image courtesy of  Folks for Polk https://twitter.com/FolksForPolk

During a Final final final final Polk Street redesign project, a SFMTA representative broke down and allegedly (*wink *wink) asked the "Save Polk Street" group, "So are you all just comfortable with a street that WILL eventually kill people?"

Save Polk Crowd - *silence*

SFMTA - "Come on we're all trying to skirt around this question.  Now do you want a design that is safe for everyone?"

S.P.C. - "Yes, of course do"

SFMTA - "ok so we remove about 18% of the parking only along Polk.  You'll still have ALL the parking on every side street, adjacent street, and in the underutilized parking garages"

S.P.C. - "Noooooooo!!!  We need that parking!"

SFMTA - "You JUST said you want safe streets."

S.F.C. - "Absolutely, but don't remove this parking"

SFMTA - "We're not magicians.  You can't have a complete street where everyone is safe with this level of parking."

S.F.C. - *dead silence* *cough* *mumbling*  "Well we don't really know if someone will die, right?"

SFMTA - "I can assure you that it's a statistical certainty.  It happens every year or more."

S.F.C - "but we don't know who it would be or when, right?"

SFMTA - "Is that comforting to you?"

S.F.C. - *silence*

SFMTA - "Well this has been a shitshow.  I hope to never see you harbingers of death again."

The SFMTA representative left along with their faith in humanity.

Save Polk Street skirting around safety issues and focusing on more pressing factors of driving your car to your business and parking right in front of it.

Video courtesy of  folks@folksforpolk.org

Folks for Polk continues to try to draw attention to the deaths and injuries on this corridor that will undoubtedly happen again.  They will continue to be met with dead eyes, blank stares and angry chants from the Save Polk Street crowd that refuse to acknowledge simple statistics, physics and geometry.  Save Polk recently focused their attention on the Van Ness BRT in hopes to keep that a car clogged nightmare to promote business as well.  So far the city of SF has been very receptive to the parking wishes of the Save Polk street even if it collides with their Vision Zero campaign.

"Save a sliver of parking for a few broken pedestrians and cyclists every year so we can park in front of our business?  I guess that's just the price we have to pay" - Save Polk Street
Image found here

60 Percent of SFMTA's Budget Spent Dealing With Incorrigible Assholes

At first glance you would think the SFMTA's budget is rather generous, but if you drill down deeper you'll find that much of the budget is spent on simply dealing with assholes.   SFMTA's plans to improve Muni and help decrease congestion often crash land into a sea of assholes.  They spend much of their funds meeting with assholes, trying to meet their incredulous demands to the point of ruining the very transit the assholes never intend on using.  Dealing with these assholes who are stuck in the 50s is very costly.

The SFMTA has come up with many innovative and creative approaches to enhancing transit in the area which is immediately halted by assholes.  A few examples:

1. Let's build underground tunnels.

Asshole Response:  Noo!!! That will cost money you can't do that!  You spend too much money!!!

2. Ok... well how about we build a less expensive BRT transit system.  

Asshole Response:  Noo!!!  We'll lose parking, or a traffic lane, and that will hurt merchants!!! Even if most people come by other modes of transit NOOOO!!! 

"Does this look like the face of compromise?"  Don't @#$# touch my parking or car lanes!
image found here.  

3. Ok Ok, how about we follow our TEP plans that took years to develop, included tons of input from the community, and approval from the Board of Supervisors.

Asshole Response: Noo!!!! Why wasn't I informed about the TEP project?!?  Why wasn't my input included?  Start from scratch lets do this all over.  Don't make transit only lanes and don't you dare remove a parking space to make traffic actually move!

4. Ok how about we just keep doing what we're doing.

Asshole Response: You guys don't do anything!  Make Muni better like you're supposed to!!!  Make it so we don't have car congestion! You're wasting our money!!!

You can bet that if it's putting a safe bike lane on Polk street, improving pedestrian conditions on Potrero street, or stopping deaths on Masonic Avenue, there's going to be a hefty price to pay dealing with assholes.  

"Say NO to wider sidewalks?  Well this is going to cost half of this year's budget."
Found here.

Much of the money is divided up between pacifying assholes from ENUF and "Meter Madness" who consistently bitch and complain about any change that could ever possibly happen to Muni.  In their last article they griped about the potential of a "smart app" that should have been around 5 years ago. Their response to such endeavors was a resounding "How many ways can you say “Privileged?"  And their comments on the problem of cars blocking thousands of pedestrians every day in crosswalks? Well "If SFMTA really cared about clearing intersections they would do a better job of timing traffic signals." Dealing with this kind of bullshit as an expensive undertaking.  

"The SFMTA needs to get us where... we need to go not tell us how to... there?"  What does that even mean? Oh Christ this is going to cost us" - SFMTA
Image found on this asshole's site