Restoring the Embarcadero Freeway

My dear car loving friends, some of you may not remember the glorious times automobiles had in San Francisco.  There was actually a time when a beautiful chunk of concrete separated the city from the waterfront and allowed a breathtaking view of asphalt and metal.  People even flocked to it when other methods of transit were available.  The Freeway was said to actually have bottlenecked, jammed up traffic and people crashed all over that bitch, but damn was it popular!

It's like two sublime grey snakes mating like gangbusters.
Image found here.  

Right after the freeway opened in 1958 it caused quite an uproar that the supervisors decided to never allow a masterpiece like this to ever be erected in San Francisco again.  I can only assume it was akin to having da Vinci create a work of art, only to reproduce it again.

Welcome to the raised progress hole!
image found here. 

In 1989, in what some people considered mother nature's attempt to shake the fuck out of the eyesore of the city, the Loma Prieta earthquake damaged parts of the Freeway.   Once it was torn down and a boulevard was put in it's place, 100,000 drivers were forced to either walk, bike, or take public transit.  Retail and merchants flocked to the area.  Huge commercial development have cropped up and increased by 51%.  Jobs have also shot up by 23%.  Other redevelopments like the old Ferry Building and Pier 1 have continued to change the waterfront.  But at what cost?!  Can we truly say that removing this monstrous concrete speedway was the right decision?  I, for one, can wholeheartedly say absolutely not, you idiot.  

The removal of the Embarcadero freeway was an obvious disaster, and current projects like redesigning the Masonic Freeway, will have similar effects.  Let's stop spending our money on bullshit projects that supposebly save people's lives and create an economic boon.  Let's continue to use city funds it to make sure that people can get from point A to point B in their private cars as quick as humanly possible. Restore the Embacardero Freeway!

Oh Embarcadero Freeway, you may be gone from San Francisco, but you're still in my dreams.
Image found here.  

Drive Your Fat Ass to Work Day

DYFA Day in full swing!

It's that time of year again!  No, I'm not talking about "Take Your Idiotcycle to Work Day".  It's only a week away from "Drive Your Fat Ass to Work Day" where the city devotes an entire day to encouraging exclusive single vehicle ridership to work on the streets of San Francisco.

Getting ready for the Annual Drive!

On Thursday, May 16th the annual DYFA begins! San Franciscans are encourages to ditch their walking shoes, throw away their bikes, abandon public transit, and partake in the glory of personal vehicle dominance that has been enjoyed for over a century.  Everyone is welcome, from easily distracted and inexperienced youth, multiple DUI motorists, fender benders, speed demons, to unchecked elderly drivers!  Some sidewalks and the .5% of bicycle infrastructure in the city will be removed and modified to accommodate faster driving speeds and to more free subsidized lockers for cars.

Useless sidewalks become car lockers and extra drive-able space to allow a smooth commute to work.  

Gary Rigmore, advocate for DYFA, said, "People need to be reminded that motorists aren't like walkers or bikers.  We're not mildly annoying where we could bump into you, cause some minor scuffs, or suffer some collateral damage to ourselves in the process.  We are bigger, faster, indestructible  and can KILL you."  Gary's goal is to instill the kind of fear back into the minds of pedestrians and walkers that has been chipped away with bicycle lane and pedestrian safety improvements.

The SFPD will help to block off sidewalk traffic and has sent fliers to SF residents to purchase, lease, rent or  borrow cars while the celebration takes place.  Carpooling is strongly discouraged and BART and MUNI will shut down entirely to encourage the combined million passengers to seek more independent modes of transportation.  SFPD has also been asked to be lax with speed limit enforcement, distracted drivers, and parking in bike lanes.  They assured the city that they're experts at this, with decades of topnotch experience uninforcing vehicle laws.

Sidewalks will be closed off to discourage walking and other pathetic modes of commuting. 

Fellow car advocate, blogger, and EIR molester, Bob Gunderson expressed elation. "Everyone knows I don't have to commute to a workplace, and I haven't driven a vehicle in decades, but this kind of car celebration reminds me of the way things used to be, and therefore always should be".  With tear-stained eyes,  Bob then scurried back into his house to resume his lifelong work as blogging shut-in.

Local merchants, who typically rely on foot traffic for a size-able chuck of their income, will join in by offering donuts, 60 oz. drinks and hamburgers on the urban freeways.  Many of the them plan to wear brightly colored shirts to avoid a city mandated "don't stand your ground" law passed for the celebration. The ordinance fines walkers and cyclists if they get in the way of vehicles.  Fines will also double for pedestrians that are struck by a vehicle.

Donuts will be offered to motorists, and peds will be corralled in the background so motorists can enjoy eating and driving  to work with little pedestrian distraction.  

Gary Rigmore is looking forward to the day's events.  "We really need to get the word out about car dominance.  One day a year is just not enough for this kind of celebration.  We should have one every month, or week  We also need to make sure people don't get this day confused with, say, every day."