Prop L Defeated - Officials Wonder if They Should Keep SF a Dangerous Car Dependent Shit-hole

With the recent overwhelming defeat of Prop L (62.42% opposed) and the resounding support of Prop A (71.30%) and B (61.23%), SF officials are wondering if they should actually start making the city less of a car dependent shit-hole. They've been scratching their heads and wondering if they should really start trying to stop all the tragedy and death on the streets of San Francisco, which is already at 28 people this year and climbing.

"It's enough of a resounding scream from the public to actually do something." said one official as they walked to their city provisioned car and backed out of their free parking spot.

"Honestly, we were all shocked at how easily Prop A and B passed.  Prop A gives the city a bond for $500 million for transit, road, and safety improvements.  Prop B ties Muni funding to population growth which could mean another 20 million or so a year. We're thinking maybe it's time to start putting less emphasis on cars" one city official exclaimed.  Officials are also mulling the possibility of putting the newly acquired funds to fix the things they claimed it would fix.   "Maybe we'll actually implement the TEP (Transit Effectiveness Project), or create a ped/bike friendly, death-free Polk Street.  We might build the Geary and Van Ness BRT.  Maybe we'll dedicate more than 3% of the street to modes of traffic other than cars.  Hell we might even remove a parking spot or two! The possibilities are definitely limited!"

"With the overwhelming passage of Prop A & B and shutdown of Prop L, do you think we should make San Francisco look less like Detroit?"
image found here

The SFPD has been debating whether or not to actually start making city streets safer by enforcing all the traffic laws intended to keep pedestrians and cyclists safe.  The city is calling this "Vision Zero" while everyone else calls it 'doing your F*cking jobs'. "You know, we might even start preventing people from speeding around here.  I know that's pretty crazy, but the public spoke and maybe we'll listen this time around." said one officer. The SFPD has been thinking about ticketing motorists that clog up the crosswalks, since they do it every single day, at every single light change. "We're really thinking about getting out of our cars and doing something."

"We might actually get out of these beasts and start implementing Vision Zero."
image found here 

The abysmal defeat of Prop L has motorists waiting for the impending Carpocalypse if the city actually does what it's been funded and directed to do.  City officials have been debating whether or not to find the list of people who voted for Prop L and simply take away all of their car privileges in order to make the streets safer.  "I mean, look, no decent motorist would ever vote in favor of Prop L. You have to be one sadistic *@#$# in order to vote for that piece of @#$% proposition.  They're seriously the worst drivers out there and we have all their names" said one official.  Whether or not San Francisco will become safer and less car dependent as a result of this overwhelming support and money is still anyone's guess.

City Officials debate whether or not to take away drivers licenses from everyone who voted for Prop L.  "Good god did you read that thing?  Anyone who voted for that is clearly a menace to society"
image found here.

'Citizens for More Television' Group Against Slower City Speed Limits

Recently, Supervisor Eric Mar has asked city government to look into the possibility of reducing traffic speeds in order to help reduce all the injuries and fatalities on the streets of San Francisco. "We must do all that we can do to make sure that the streets are safer for our residents and a speed limit reduction may have a significant impact on achieving this," said Supervisor Eric Mar.  But a lot of people have wondered what kind of impact this might have on motorists, particularly since the average american enjoys watching 5 hours of television a day.

"Well this just f*cking blows!  I'm going to miss part the Price is M*ther*ucking Right!"
Image found here.

Jake Gandson explains, "Hey I'm all for slower speeds and safety, but not if it comes at the expense of less television watching, or if I have to slow down."  The group "Citizens for More Television" have balked at the idea of lower speed limits which t other cities such as Paris and New York have recently implemented.  CFMT argued, "We really don't know what kind of consequences these speed changes have had on TV watching in those cities we really aught to know before we lower driving speeds to safe levels."

If slower speed limits are implemented, it could mean minutes or even tens of minutes before you'll get  home to binge watch.
image found here.

Janic Loftman said she's sympathetic to all those people who are maimed and injured from car traffic every year, but also said, "You know if we could just do this during the summer months when there's not a lot of new programming, I'd be all for it.  Once those fall series start I'm hard pressed to drive the speed limit in the city as it stands."  Where or not slower speeds will happen in San Francisco is still up to debate, but couch potatoes around the city on edge worrying about what commercials they might miss if this passes.

Lombard Street "Closed"? SFMTA Plan Failed? Chaos? Are These Question Marks Misleading?

The traffic on Lombard Street is completely screwed up?!  Well if that first sentence is any indication, the answer is a resounding, yes?  According to the hard working, unbiased folks at CBS, it was a major shitshow and immediately failed.  The crooked part of Lombard Street street was closed to most vehicle traffic (except for people who live on that street).   It only applies to Saturday and Sunday between noon and 6 p.m. and is part of a 3 week pilot program, which you can find buried at the end of most articles.  CBS was the first to crack this story with their irrefutable scientific evidence?

"Closed" Lombard Street.  This is Absolute Chaos?  Is the man fleeing for his life with his kid?
Image found here.

When CBS interviewed a ton of people in the area they inevitably found someone who wasn't happy about it.  Some lady said that she was shocked, so it is, indeed, shocking and newsworthy.  People are now forced to actually walk or bike through this "closed" corridor for 12 hours out of the week for the entirety of 4 weeks.

Lombard Street is far less chaotic when there's a steady stream of cars idling,speeding, and blocking the entrance to a crooked street?

Image found here.  

There's no telling what kind of fresh hell that will be unleashed from closing a street to cars 48 of out of 672 hours during the month, but you'll be sure to find out through the unbiased view of our media outlets.  The SFMTA board approved the program claiming it would to increase safety and reduce congestion, which is complete bullshit... I mean, complete bullshit?

Pedestrians  jamming up Lombard Street and ruining it?
Image found here

Behold - The Unparalleled Beauty of Car Ownership!

*tear

Bike Propaganda at Its Finest

The bike nuts are at it again!  Get a life, losers...

photo credit – bike nopa

Anti-Car Propaganda!

Propaganda courtesy of bike nuts... probably

This would make a lot more sense if it was in reverse!