Nanny State Laws Enacted for Cyclists and Basketball Players

In Steve Rubenstein's punny article "Some bicyclists are hardheaded about mandatory-helmet law" (did you get that part, hardheaded?! Hahahaha *wipes tear)  he goes to great lengths to show how foolish someone would be if they didn't wear a helmet leisurely riding a bicycle in a city.   He doesn't address ~probably~ fictional places like "Malmö" where there are allegedly 310 miles of dedicated bike lanes that are separated by a divider and up a level from car traffic. In the 10 years from 2003 to 2012, the city has seen only 16 cyclists killed in an accident involving a car.

Where are your bike helmets Malmo?  You don't even really exist!
image found here.

Steve' and his group Citizens Advocating Reasonable Suggestions ('C.A.R.S') say, "Getting a helmet onto a grown-up bicyclist’s head isn’t a no-brainer, even though the saving of brains is the idea." Oh god did he just say that?!  Brilliant!  Read the entire article for a whole slew of zingers like this.  Steve gleefully avoids discussing other weird countries that don't have the same kinds of problems that the United States has with cyclists for some unknown reason.

I don't care if bikers have an incredibly low injury and fatality rate Amsterdam!  You should go to jail for not wearing a helmet!!!
image found here

Officials began to realize that it's a lot easier to enact nanny state laws and blame everything on helmets than to build infrastructure.  "Helmets are an inexpensive way of putting the onus on the person who got struck by a 2 ton vehicle traveling at high speeds" said Sergent Gary Walker, as he sped off in his tank-like cop car.  

Bicycle advocates, and anyone who understands simple statistics, warned that helmets could actually have an adverse affect on cycling safety.  They cited several articles that showed the more bikers who were out on the streets, the safer they became, so helmets could actually reduce the amount of people biking on the streets and make everyone less safe. They also said that if we're going to make cyclists wear helmets then why not make basketball players, since the sport is the most dangerous in the country.

Just put a helmet on it, duh.

Concerned mothers and aunts soon began asking "why are WE THE TAXPAYERS paying for this special interest groups private playgrounds? The basketball courts put in public parks take away parking AND have to be paid for by funds that the BASKETBALL PLAYERS won't chip in for!?! The basketball lobby clearly has infiltrated parks & rec departments all across the county! How many basketball injuries go unreported each year? ITS THE NUMBER THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!"

As soon as officials heard this information, they immediately called for helmets to be worn by every basketball player.  Anyone found not wearing a helmet would be a charged $200 fine.  Basketball players have not taken these suggestions very well and said that it would make people less inclined to play basketball.  Some basketball fans have cried out that they don't want to see their favorite player in a helmet.

Oh enjoy the novelty now, but these will be mandatory soon!
image found here.

News of this reached all the way up to the NBA, which then issued a statement in retaliation. Hey, did you know"35,200 people died in US traffic accidents, plus there were about 3.8 million crash injuries requiring medical attention."  If you think that basketball or even cycling injuries is a big deal, how are you even allowing people to drive, much less without helmets?"

The best way to prevent a fraction of the 35,000 deaths in the United States? More like nanny state bullshit!
image found here.

"C.A.R.S" lashed out saying, "this ridiculous burden on motorists would be difficult to enforce and would lead to a lot of unnecessary citations."  They also claimed that this might turn more people off to driving if they're forced to wear a helmet, and what would they do then?!  C.A.R.S. made more reasonable suggestions, like mandatory helmets for pedestrians and banning them from most city "stroads".  

Sonoma-Marin "SMART" Train... Wait for it... Wait for it... is DUMB!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Now why would you want to take the 'DUMB' Train when you can take the 101 Parking Lot/Freeway?

SMART (Sonoma-Marin Area Rail Transit) will carry people, freight and parallel a new 73 mile bike/pedestrian path.   But here in lies the shocker.  Did you know that these trains cost money and that sometimes they might cost more than estimated?!?  A Sonoma County "Grand Jury" report found that out!  You can find this information on page 15, right after the "It’s 10 p.m. Do You Know Where Your Dog And Cat Are?" article.

SMART might not be like the well managed and under spent projects like the 6.5 billion Eastern Bay Bridge span, or the multi-billion dolllar 405 freeway widening project that might actually be done by now.  The SMART project relies mostly on state and county money with some moneys from the quasi-solvent Federal "Trust" Fund. Sure, the trust that ran out of money a month ago because there's too many projects and not enough money generated by a 20 year old gas tax.  The brilliant minds in congress decided they would keep it afloat by diverting funds from "Pension Smoothing" and some kind of leaky tanks fund.  I'm sure it will be back to sustainable levels again and become a magnet for pet projects and bridges to nowhere again soon.

Who would want to give this up?  It's freedom baby!!!
image found here.  

SMART officials can't even predict the future of how many people will actually take the DUMB train.  As you can see from the red on South 101 and 280, they're super popular and everyone is flocking to jam those babies up!  So why would anyone want a stupid smelly quick DUMB train anywhere?  Why would we want to go back in history to when trains got people to where they needed to go?  Should we really risk building a train that will give the public accessibility to the area between Cloverdale and Larkspur in 60 minutes when they could just sit in a car for two and a half hours and get there via america freedom fuck yeah cars?!

Freedom!!! Now double it, and add more!

Ridership has only gone up on BART, Caltrain, Amtrak, Metrolink, and AC transit, but can we really be sure this will be the case for other trains?  Do we really know it will spark land development, business, and higher home values as it's done in every other area?  We really can't be sure. Why not spend that money doubling the Freeways a few times, which is sure to work out, this time, again!

Behold, the profound loss and disappointment of taking a DUMB train.  Did you get that?  Dumb?  It's SMART but I said dumb!
image found here.  

Kids Learn a Super Fun Game to Avoid Vehicle Carnage

Kids learning fun games and limericks that instill the ordained fear of vehicles.
Photo: Lea Suzuki, The Chronicle | Buy this photo

The city of San Francisco is ready to spend the next couple of decades trying to make streets less like the highways they were designed to be.  And while motorist behavior stays the same, it only makes sense to teach children that they shouldn't get in the way of the almighty car.  Spokesman for the 'Kids Get Out of The Damn Way' program said, "Children need to learn early the grim reality that every street of every block of their entire neighborhood is a virtual slaughter zone, but they're going to learn in a super fun and interactive way!  They even have a mascot for the occasion called "Conky: The Crazed Car of Doom".  Conky would run around the children texting and drinking while the children avoided getting 'flattened' by the beloved mascot.

Always remember what Conky says, Kids!  "Get out of my way or I will END YOU."
Image found here.  

The often trembling and teary eyed children were thrown into a "video game like" environment and told to play out real life scenarios where they pay reverence to the almighty vehicle.  In one situation, they were told to wave their hands and plead for their lives while Conky backs out of their driveway without checking his rearview mirror.  As with previous years, this year shaping up to be just as dangerous and detrimental to pedestrians in San Francisco at the hands of motorist behavior, it only makes sense to teach children the natural order of streets.

As Sandy dries her eyes she asks the instructor "Did I win the game?" to which the instructor replies, "Maybe you did Sandy... maybe..."
Photo: Lea Suzuki, The Chronicle | Buy this photo

Kids will learn to be afraid and avoid getting in the way of cars up until they get to the age where their brains become wired and prone to reckless and risky behaviors, at which time they'll be given the opportunity to operate a vehicle themselves.  The hope is that they will remember their 'Get Out of The Damn Way' training.  Teens will understand the tables are finally turned and pedestrians will need to get the hell out of their way from now on.

"Welcome to my world, bitches"
image found here.  

Don't Bike to Work Day - May 6th!

These bad boys are staying put today for the annual "Don't Bike to Work Day"
image found here.  

Everyone by now knows that May 8th is San Francisco's official "Bike to Work Day", but people might not know that May 6th is "Don't Bike to Work Day" when over 24,000 people who would otherwise bike to work, decide to take other slower and more expensive modes of transport.  Regular cyclist commuter, Dutch Johnson, standing awkwardly in a Muni bus with a elbow in his face, commented, "this is a good day for cyclists to remember how terrible commuting can actually be".  Muni already has an overburdened system and today the extra passengers pushed it to the tipping point.  

Muni riders trying to figure out what the shit is going on today and why they can't fit into their already crammed bus.
Images found here and here.  

Muni wasn't the only overburdened transit system today.   Market street and all of the surrounding streets were heavily congested since 3000 cyclists were replaced with mostly motorists.  Cars were spilling into the bus only lanes and stopping in the crosswalks, causing headaches to pedestrians.  Sandra Miney said, "This is an absolute nightmare down here. What a stupid thing for the cyclists to do!  What were they thinking!?"   

Randy Fitzgerald drove his car through downtown and was fortunate enough to find a parking, garage with capacity.  "I nearly forgot that I could spend 20 minutes driving my car 4 miles downtown through Market Street and pay $40 dollars to park".  Other people weren't fortunate to find parking as all the parking garages filled up before 10 am.  

"Good luck, they're all taken!"
image found here.

There were Don't Bike to Work Day "Aggravation Stations" all over the city for the event.  Pedestrians were given reflective gear so they were seen by more angry frustrated drivers.  They were also given plenty of water so they were hydrated when screaming at motorists pulling dumb moves like U-turns, fast bursts of angered speed through red lights and stopping in the crosswalks.  Motorists were also given Xanax and calming teas so they could finish their commute with a few nerves left in them.  

All in all Don't Bike to Work Day was a huge success thanks to the cyclists that gave up their easy, inexpensive, and congestion free commute.  Helmets off to everyone and here's to an even bigger, more crowded, nightmare next year!

"I hate you all!!!
image found here.  

Motorists Coalition Restoring Car Dominated Transportation Balance to San Francisco - Finally!

If you look around San Francisco, you'll undoubtedly see every street moving car traffic, and cars parked on every street.  What you didn't know is that it's severely out of balance with nine slightly dedicated bus lanes, and six dedicated bike lanes strewn about the city.  Well a ragtag group of motorists are about to change the landscape of San Francisco to balanced levels not seen since - five years ago.  

A Transit only lane? Unbalanced!!!
Geary at Powell Street. Photo: Cheryl Brinkman

The "Motorist Coalition" believes that balanced transportation policies would better serve San Francisco motorists, pedestrians, motorists, first responders, motorists, motorists, taxi riders, Muni riders, motorists and bicyclists, motorists, and it also addresses the unique needs of the senior motorists, children motorists, families with motorists, and motorists.  Hopefully they can be more powerful than the enraged car lovers that managed to severely alter or halt plans on Geary BRT, Van Ness BRT, Market Street, Irving Street, and Polk Street.  

A bike lane wedged between car traffic and dooring zones? Unbalanced!
Image found here.  

Their aim is to restore balance to the City’s transit policy and adopt a 'WWCD?' ideology (What Would Car's Do?) .  All traffic laws should be equally enforced, from the distracted pedestrian walking outside of a magical crosswalk, a cyclist taking an Idaho roll, or an SUV speeding and going through red lights.   Variable meter pricing should not be imposed on neighborhoods unilaterally, because unlike everything else in San Francisco, parking should be free. In short, motorists should not bear the brunt of the SFMTA’s unreasonable regulations and mandates that make parking market based, manageable and effective. 

Unbalanced! It should be 110% capacity and FREE!
Image found here. 

The Motorhead group also believes that despite the benefits of boosting business by making it easier for drivers to park in commercial districts, to reduce circling time and congestion by improving spot availability, and to subsidize operational costs for the Muni transit service, it was severely unbalanced because it only helped out everyone.

Most of the balance will come from their charter:

1. Parking (not transit) is and should always be super cheap, free, and also available to everyone, somehow.  Parking meters should not operate on any City and County holiday listed on sfgov.org, on Sundays, or outside the hours of 9:00 am to 6:00 p.m. Commencing July 1, 2015, fees for parking garages, meters, parking tickets, and neighborhood parking permits should be frozen for five years, allowing the City to annually adjust thereafter only for Consumer Price Index (CPI) increases.

Balanced
Image found here. 

2. Only put meters in places where merchants and household want them, like we do with stop signs, stop lights, and speed limits.  The introduction of parking meters or variable meter pricing into neighborhoods where they currently do not exist should be allowed only upon petition by the majority of the affected households and merchants.

3. Construct neighborhood parking garages in magical space located in all neighborhoods that will be underutilized and far below the market price of anything else that exists in SF.  A portion of any additional parking or motorists' fees and new bond monies earmarked for the San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency (SFMTA) should go to the construction and operation of neighborhood parking garages.

4. Ensure the roads are safe for everyone, but also make it easy for cars to swiftly move through streets free from the distraction of bikers and pedestrians.  Any proposed re-engineering of traffic flows in the City should aim to achieve safer, smoother-flowing streets.

Fair and Balanced
Image found here. 

5. Enforce traffic laws the same way we treat all laws in San Francisco - manslaughter, littering , vandalism, drug dealing, public nudity. It's all the same!  Traffic laws should be enforced equally for everyone using San Francisco’s streets and sidewalks.

6. Regular Muni riders, pedestrians, and cyclists, are not people who ever drive cars.  There should be people on the SFMTA board who exclusively drive a car so there's a more balanced perspective.  The seven-member SFMTA Board should include not only four regular riders of Muni, but a fair representation of all transportation stakeholders, including motorists. The SFMTA should create a Motorists’ Citizens Advisory Committee in addition to its other advisory committees.

Hopefully with the help of the motorist coalition, we can 

achieve this kind of balance in San Francisco again!

7. Apply a WWCD policy to everything that happens on San Francisco streets.   The Board of Supervisors shall make every reasonable effort to implement the components of this policy through appropriate legislative and administrative acts, including but not limited to acts relating to enacting, repealing, reconciling, amending, and/or ameliorating the components of this policy with other existing laws, regulations, blah blah blah blah blah cars blah.

Hopefully the Motorist Coalition can put a little sense and clarity into San Francisco Street Design, where motorists can have more of most of everything, and free of charge, as god intended.  

"If You're Going to Get Hit by A Car, Make Sure to do it in a Crosswalk"

The pressure is on for the SFPD to step up their enforcement of our streets to ensure they are safer. Citations have increased 54% citywide. They are targeting everyone from speeding cars, relatively quick bicyclists, and slow-ass pedestrians.  They've even issued a ticket out to the worst offenders of all, the elderly.

The man was hit by a car walking away from St. Mary's Cathedral on Geary Freeway/Boulevard on Sunday and was admitted to the hospital. The 86 year old suffered a compound fracture, but that wasn't enough.  He was issued a jaywalking ticket soon after he was admitted.  SFPD Spokesman said "he really should have been moving at a snails pace inside of crosswalk.  You know, that small stretch of painted street that keeps pedestrians safe until they magically turn back into car owned space once the pedestrian light stops flashing?"

The difference between safe legal walking and illegal and reckless crossing known as "Jaywalking"
image found here.

While some "walk nuts" have argued that the burden should fall on people who choose to drive a 2 ton vehicle at a high velocity on city streets.  Others believe that even if 60% of the accidents are the result of motorist negligence, people like the elderly, children, bicyclists can be equally at fault to the eyes of the law.  "It's about enforcing the law, not just about public safety." tweeted a motorist speeding down Van Ness Avenue.

Get in the crosswalk if you're going to struck, idiots!
Image found here.

A new Chicago Department of Transportation study shows that most pedestrian accidents occur in crosswalks. They happen even when the pedestrian has the right of way.  SFPD Spokesman said, "We really want to get the message out to people that they need to get struck inside the crosswalks and not outside of them. That's the best place to be, for, reasons."  The SFPD hopes these measures teach everyone in San Francisco a lesson, and not just the people who can inflict bodily injury and property damage.

Crosswalks, they're "Saaaaaafesque"!

Facing Tough Drought, California Applies SF Parking Methodologies to Address Water Shortage

California is facing one of the most serious droughts in decades, and to help ease concerns and shortages across the state the Drought Management Board is looking for new and innovative ways of regulating our water supplies.  CA Spokesman Lenard explained, "We all know that there's a shortage and we initially thought of regulating water more heavily and adjusting prices to help manage supplies better, but it really doesn't make the population very happy.  We took a look at how Mayor Lee and Ed Reiskin plan to manage their car parking based on voter concerns, and realized it was a much better way to go."

Water, parking, it's all the same.  Leave it unregulated and free and it all works out for the best.
Images found here and here.  

To address parking shortages, the SFMTA has foolishly implemented parking enforcement on on Sundays.  They claim it accomplished the following:

Double the average time drivers take to find a commercial parking spot on Sundays.

Reduce turnover by at least 20 percent, meaning that fewer customers can park in each space.

Cut the availability of commercial parking during Sunday business hours in half.

Reduce occupancy of underutilized parking garages on Sundays by 13 percent.

Bring more revenue into local businesses and appease the Commerce Department that defends Sunday parking enforcement.  

 Bring in $9.6 million in annual revenue to an already underfunded SFMTA.  

But Mayor Lee thinks it's a lot better to leave it free on Sundays, and that's just the kind of solution CA has been looking for in terms of water management.  Effective today they are going to allow everyone to use as much water as they need, free of charge, on Sundays.  They hope this helps ease everyone's concerns about water shortages.  

Parking citations on Sunday, noon to 6 p.m: an absolute inescapable part of life, until now.
image found here.

Not everyone agrees with Lee's stance, and Ed Reiskin has come up with a better way to mitigate parking shortages.  He proposes to keep parking meters running on Sunday, but just tell everyone it won't be enforced and no one will get cited if they go over their allotted time.  Upon hearing this, the Drought Management Board decided to adopt similar policies and tell everyone who needed water, to conserve it as much as possible, but it will be unregulated and unenforced if they take more than allotted

When asked what will happen with the lack of revenue from fines and fees associated with water usage offenders, the Drought Management Board said they would simply get a bond measure approved, akin to the one that Mayor Lee plans on recouping the $9.6 million in annual revenue due to abolishing Sunday parking.  Lee assured everyone that a bond is "magic money" and a lot better than providing a steady source of revenue every year.

To gain popularity points with the city, the SFPD is also looking at ways to implement relaxed enforcement policies on Sundays as well.  They've been toying with the idea of "Enforcement Free Sundays" for traffic violations, and half off misdemeanor fines.

Hopefully more agencies turn towards these simple populist answers to our state's most challenging problems.

"Turn yourself in if you want, or, whatever."
image found here.  

Looking to Bike or Walk to the Devil's Slide Trail? Here's an Easy Way!

What a beautiful path, that should be open to cars, not dirty bike hippies.
Photo found here.  

The new Devil's Slide trail looks amazing (sans the bike paths), but you're going to have a difficult time getting there with just your stupid bike.  There's also a serious parking shortage once you drive there, courtesy of bike-nuts, probably (they could easily add 1.3 miles of slanted car parking instead of the bike path).  Here are a few easy tips to help you get there!

Step 1: Put your bike back in the garage.  It's not easy to get to the Devil's Slide by bike, so just hold up.

Do you really want to bike through this?
Image found here.

Step 2: Go to the nearest car dealership.  Look for a good model to buy and let someone side hug you while you do it.

"I just can't wait to drive out to walk and bike!"
Image found here.  

Step 3: Now that you have a car, why go for a bike ride?  You can now participate in the glory of drive-through fast food and going to far away malls!  If you need money for gas you might as well sell that silly old bike.  You won't need it anymore.

Doesn't this look more fun anyway?
Image found here.  

A Pedestrian's Guide to Getting Along With Vehicles

As anyone who walks around San Francisco, you know that cars dominate the 40% of city designed to move and store vehicles, and that means we all need to work together.  So here's a tip on how to get along flawlessly with almighty vehicle.  Let's take a simple example.

You're a worthless pedestrian approaching a 4-way stop and you're about to cross but a car is blocking your route.  You should:

1. Recognize that being a pedestrian inherently makes you wrong.

It's your fault you decided to use your legs like a sucker.
Image found here.

Cars are bigger and faster and no matter how much you think you're right, you're wrong.  Let them figure out what's best.

2. Let the big shots pass.

What are you going to do about it?  That's right weakling pedestrian, nothing.

3. Bow down and apologize profusely for even considering crossing the street before a car does.

Just a simple gesture will go a long way to making peace with a blessed vehicle blocking their crosswalk.
Image found here. 

4. As the beautiful vehicle passes, wave and blow them kisses. Thank them for allowing you to even come near their vehicle unscathed.

We love you so much you blessed monsters!
Image found here.  

And there you have it, a perfect way to share the road that you don't deserve, and pass vehicles in a safe and respectful manner. Try this out next time you're foolishly on the road as a stupid pedestrian. You'll be glad you did!

Losing The War on Cars With One Swipe!

Want to see how cities around the world are ruining their streets by implementing so-called 'pedestrian improvements?'   Well check out the A/N Blog and try to not to lose your lunch.  

Anti-Car Propaganda!

Propaganda courtesy of bike nuts... probably

This would make a lot more sense if it was in reverse! 

New York City - Times Square in Ruin

Veronica Moss Visits Times Square and shows us the wanton destruction these pedestrian "improvements" have had on the city and even if traffic has gotten better for motorists, it's still the worst idea ever.  I foretold of this doom years ago.  I wish you were my daughter Veronica Moss!

Veronica Moss Visits Times Square from Streetfilms on Vimeo.

Taxis to Ride Sharing Services - "Leave the Reckless Driving to Professionals"

Cabs are known to have the best record of safe reckless driving.
Image found here

Since the inception of ride sharing services, cab companies have been fuming over the loss of business, and crying foul over lack of blessed city regulations. The Taxi services protested at City Hall, saying they aren't so much concerned over their livelihoods, or the fact that a recent survey put Cabs at the bottom of any list of transit option.  They are more concerned about the welfare of these ignorant people taking ride share cars. Cab companies are worried that these ride share drivers aren't properly licensed to drive haphazardly through the street of San Francisco. 

“Those unlicensed drivers are road bandits and don't know the first thing about double parking, or how to U-Turn in a busy street,” one protester said. “We are the real community drivers and the community knows how to get the hell out of our way.”

"It takes tens of hours of training to learn how to professionally run red lights"
Image found here

Protesters say that even with the new regulations in place, ride-shares won't understand the first thing about driving like a maniac.  Cabs, on the other hand, receive countless hours of training to weave in and out of city traffic, the proper way to take right turns when pedestrians are in the way, and how to get through a red light without barely hitting anything.  "It will take years before Ubar and Lyft start behaving like they own the roads." 

"Uber and Lyft don't know the first thing about safely speeding past a pedestrian"
Image found here

Critical Car Mass

To counter "Critical Mass" (a rogue bike celebration that some bikers enjoy for a few hours during one day out of the month), an unknown transit avenger spearheaded "Critical Car Mass" hoping for the same kind of grass-roots effort and fun.

Unfortunately, unlike "Critical Mass", hundreds of people were injured, cars sat idle for hours, and bikes and pedestrians were still able to get through all the clutter.  Also, people were confusing "Critical Car Mass" with what is commonly known as morning and evening rush hour gridlock.  Participants said they would try it again at the end of the month, when they finally get back to their houses.

"We'll have better luck next time I'm Sure"
Image found here. 

Car Driver Asked - "Why are Bikers the Worst?!"

San Francisco drivers have it the worst.  From having to share the lanes with bikers, to not having the god-given right to park on every block of SF due to a bike lane, it can really be the pits.  Everyday SF car drivers were asked, "What's your bicyclist pet peeve?" Here's what they had to say:

Emily Sanchez, longtime car driver in San Francisco, said, "The worst is when you're at a 4 way stop and you want to coast on through, but some ahole bicyclist is on their way up a hill and doesn't completely stop, or they did stop and I have to wait for them to cross, I'm pissed either way."

Emily Sanchez (right) says, "bicyclist just don't have respect for anyone but themselves. " 

A lot of car drivers expressed their frustration with bicycles, because they have to pay more attention to the road.  Gone are the days when you just expected people to get out of your way and you could casually drive your car and 40+ mph in the city and not have to worry about some damn bicyclist getting in your way.  Gary Sherking, exclaimed "These bicyclists think they own the road!  If they're not taking the lane and robbing seconds off your city commute, they're in their own precious green lane that takes precious feet away from wide car paths for one hell of a ride."

Gary Sherking (somewhere in there) is just fed up with these damn bicyclists (not shown).
Picture found here.  

But this kind of cyclist hatred stems from fact that unlike car drivers and pedestrians, they are the most selfish and foolish people ever.  The only good bicyclist is one that never bikes, ever.  Matt Gifford said it best, "I see bikers do stupid shit every day in this city and the police don't even bat an eye.  One of these days some bicyclist is going to injure a person or scuff a car.  Can we just sit back and wait for this kind of thing to happen?!?"

Matt Gifford (Middle) had a lot to say about the reckless bicyclist reeking havoc on SF streets.
Picture found here.   

Sadly since San Francisco decided to spare a few lanes for bicycles and allow them full use of a lane, it's gone completely downhill and bikers are destroying this city one green foot at a time.  It's only a matter of time until there will be a single road dedicated to bicycle traffic, and I hope I'm in heaven's parking lot before that day happens.

Heaven!
Image found here

Amsterdamned by Bikes

Recently the New York Times came out with a 100% true hyperbole that Amsterdam has been completely destroyed by bicycles.  Over 30% of all trips are taken by those wretched non-motorized jack-wagons.  Of course, Streetfilms has tried to deny this absolute fact made up by the New York Times.

Minutes later, Anita died of bike poisoning.
(Image courtesy of The New York Times)

Unfortunately the city caved into "special interest" bike fanatics long ago by giving them a third of the space that would justifiably go to uncloggable car infrastructure.  They even ENCOURAGED bicycle transit and let this bicycle plague get out of hand!  Now everywhere from the Red Light District to Centraal Station is littered with bicycles. The problem has gotten so out of control that tourists can't even recognize public landmarks anymore.

The Anne Frank Museum.
(image found here)

What's left of the Van Gogh museum after bikes reached critical mass
(Image found here)

Citizens pine for the good old days when cars took over the city and magically disappeared when they weren't needed.
 (Image found here)

Citizens in Amsterdam are asking themselves where they went wrong when they decided to start removing the cars from the streets in the 50s and 60s.  Satellite images through google maps show a sea of metal, spokes and rubber.  Directions are confusing because they'll instruct you to "turn at the cluster of pink, blue and orange bikes".  8000 tourists went missing last year alone.

Amsterdamians are fed up.  Local police chief Edmund explained, "We were all such fools to believe this was the right decision to encourage bikes over cars, and now we're stuck with this mess of bikes in the city that would cost literally hundreds of dollars to clean up".   Officials are contemplating how to clean up this mess and what weekend they could do it.

Hopefully we don't make the same kind of grave mistakes in San Francisco, where city officials want 20% of bike transit usage by 2020.  If the city gets its way you won't even be able to walk a foot without running into a bicycle.  Let's look at Amsterdam as a terrible, horrible beacon of things to come.   Friends, stick to the tried and true method of transportation, with uncluttered cars parked on every single street of San Francisco.  

The bicycle epidemic is so bad that bikes have actually formed unstoppable super bikes.  
(Image Courtesy of the City of Sydney)