Thursday, November 7, 2013

Masonic Drivers to SFMTA - "Don't Fix Masonic We'll Try to Behave Ourselves!"

"Oops sorry about that I'll wait for you next time I promise!"
When you walk down Masonic and hear the screeching of cars, the honking horns, the clogged intersections, and you probably think to yourself, "wow that's a highly effective neighborhood highway avenue!"  Well, not everyone seems to think so.  After 5 years of public outcry, SFMTA workshops,  multiple articles in the news, a couple of deaths, unanimous Supervisor support and full funding, the city is ready to undue this marvel of car-centric engineering with a complete redesign of the street.  Some Masonic drivers that actually happen to live in the city are outraged and say there's no need for pedestrian safety improvements and calming measures when they can simply promise to be nicer.

"Oh Geez I'm sorry *polite hand wave*
"Oops go ahead I'll probably let you go through before I step on the gas"
Save(ParkingandSpeedingon)Masonic has tried their best to thwart these plans by coming in super late to the game to save parking on this beautiful virtual highway.  They know that the key to great urban planning was solidified in the 50s and a 3 lane traffic corridor with excessive speeds and on-street parking is the best thing a neighborhood and city needs.  They even had cute cuddly 8 year old children write up a sign for them to no avail.

"We'll get it down to the lower/mid 30's I mean come on let's be serious here!"
Now the drivers freely admit to using this highway-like corridor, well, like a highway.  They are pleading with the public and SFMTA to leave it the way it is and they'll try to behave themselves.  They promise to:
  • Try not to block pedestrian crossing most of the time.
  • Attempt to stay around 30 miles an hour.
  • Really try hard not to take a left turn during commute times.
  • Magically look through parked cars when taking a fast sharp right turn off Masonic.  
  • Resist the urge to blast through red lights.  
  • Take sharp U-turns when absolutely necessary.  
  • Pretend like the street belongs to others too.  
"Whoops sorry my bad!"
"Sorry pedestrian just wait a second I might kill you I'll do better next time scout's honor! " 
Barry Hadly remarks, "Ok we admit that we speed a little and clog the pedestrian crosswalks and take crazy fast turns, but please leave this traffic sewer as it is and we promise we'll try to be better."  This kind of honor system is sure to have a more positive effect than installing a median, a cycle track, removing parking from a major transit corridor, and installing a stupid bike lane that most San Franciscans favor.

So to anyone that walks, bikes or lives in the neighborhood, the drivers on Masonic Avenue will try not to dominate and harass you on the street any longer, and fast reckless driving is probably a thing of the past.  Now get rid of that pesky safety improvement redesign plan and let's all get ice cream!

Its a residential area, of course we'll drive the speed limit, from now on!

3 comments:

  1. Nice video. Took only 18 seconds to see someone blatantly blast through a red light. But hey, at least they slowed down to 22mph while they did that!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for highlighting the shit-show known as Masonic "Avenue" - what a misfit street in San Francisco.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha Brilliant! I love it!

    ReplyDelete