Monday, May 30, 2016

Last Chance to go Speedin' up and Down Masonic Before They Screw it up!

Dear motorists, despite all our efforts to "Save Masonic", the countless flyers filled with exclamations(!!!), bold lettering, and RAGE CAPS, we have lost a battle in the perverbial ~War on Cars~.  The Masonic Avenue redesign is only a few days away.  It's now a time of mourning, and to enjoy the last few days of this perfect Avenue, born out of an intense love of freeways and parking lots.  Get your fill of free arterial on-street parking, and watch your "high scores" on the radar speed sign while you race back and forth between Oak and Bush without even the slightest worry that there's law enforcement near.

Elmer Snodgrass, neighborhood parking activist, bemoaned, "You knows that once they start this so-called 'improvement project' that traffic is gonna be gridlock.  I'm thinkin' about movin' to San Jose.  I hear they got it good down there with wide roads, loads of free parkin' for ya' and there's ain't stupid pedestrians wanting to walk all out in the road all of the time. 

Used to be a time here when the mayor and the MTA cared about people and cars. Not no more. Now they just care about 'safety' and 'multi modal use' and other code words for stealin' from cars and drivers.  First they stealin' our parkin'.  Now they's puttin' in bike lanes that no one's ever gonna use.  I don't even see many bikers risking their lives biking down this suburban wonder.  It's just like the saying goes, 'you don't go building bridges until you see people swimming across shark infested waters.'"

Ellis Hendrickson screamed, "theres's a perfectly fine bike alternative that non-biking people whipped up.  Bikers just need to go through the Baker Street sharrows and dooring lanes, hit several stop signs along the way, climb a major hill while the bike lanes disappear in favor of angled parking.  Then Cross six lanes of Turk street highway, continue to climb up the hill until it plateaus, then ride down a steep hill without any bike lanes, pray that you don't get hit by cars exiting the garages, and on-street parking.  Take a right turn and continue down a steep hill, more stop signs, hang a left and continue to spiral down through moving and parked cars, continue across Geary's eight lanes of traffic, then go on the left side of Baker for some reason, hang another left at the stop sigh and go back up Post Street's steep hills.  Oh, and then hang a right on Presidio's non existent bike lanes.  Now isn't that much easier than just biking straight through Masonic Avenue?!"  When asked if motorists should use that route she exclaimed, "that's a burden no motorist should ever have to bear."

Despite all this common sense from people who don't want their motoring way of live altered in any way whatsoever, the city is still bent on creating an "active transport" hellscape on Masonic Avenue. It's hard to imagine anyone will continue to live on this street for much longer, given the lack of arterial on-street parking.  In the meantime, go out there and enjoy the glory days of the 50's before they screw it up!

Deemed "controversial" because only a lot of it goes to cars.

Friday, May 6, 2016

SF to Replace "Transit-First" with "Parking-First" Policy

It's been a banner year so far with SF Supervisors dismantling transit projects that have been decades in the making.  Marc Farrell helped dismantle 30 Stockton bus changes, as well as add parking back on Polk Street.  David Campos and John Avalos fueled the fires of hate for the red transit only lanes along Mission St by equating bus improvement with gentrification.  More recently, Katy Tang shut down the L Taraval safety plan to appease a few merchants and residents who prefer their parking to any pedestrian's life.  And we can't forget Mayor Lee and his brave work vetoing a "bike-yield" law that would treat bikes differently than a two ton speeding metal box.

"It's becoming more and more difficult to tout this whole 'Transit First" mantra while appeasing some of our merchants and car loving constituents.  So that's why we decided to modify the policy.  We do it with every transit project anyway, so this will save time and energy", said one supervisor.



(a) The following principles shall constitute the City and County’s parking-first policy and shall be incorporated into the General Plan of the City and County. All officers, boards, commissions, and departments shall implement these principles in conducting the City and County’s affairs:
1. To ensure quality of life and economic health in San Francisco, the primary objective of the transportation system must be the safe and efficient movement of people and goods, by private automobile.
2. The “Poor People’s Shame Cab”, including taxis and vanpools, is a pathetic and ridiculous alternative to glorious transportation by individual automobiles. Within San Francisco, travel by public transit, by bicycle and on foot must be an unappealing alternative to travel and storage of private automobiles.
3. Decisions regarding the use of limited public street and sidewalk space shall encourage the use of public rights of way by privately owned automobiles, and shall strive to reduce bicycle and pedestrian traffic and improve public car use and storage.

4. Transit priority improvements, such as designated transit lanes and streets and improved signalization, shall be halted at the whim of merchants, several motorists and pandering supervisors.
5. Pedestrian areas shall be enhanced wherever it doesn’t, in any way, impact a motorists ability to live out the dream promised in car commercials.
6. Bicycling shall be half-heartedly promoted by throwing some paint scraps on the streets to allow easy access for delivery trucks, especially UPS trucks.  SFPD Bicycle crackdowns are mandatory.
7. 20th century parking policies for areas well served by public transit shall remain priority by even a single screaming merchant to encourage travel by combustible metal boxes.
8. New transportation investment should be squandered to meet the demand for private suburban style transport.

9. The desire of the City and County to reduce traffic congestion depends upon their ability to get re-elected and get to and from their jobs.  The City and County shall promote the use of personal combustible metal boxes so long as it suits their personal and political needs.
10. The City and County shall encourage 20th century solutions to meet private combustible metal box transportation needs wherever possible and where the provision of such service will not adversely affect the promise bestowed in said car commercials.

          (b) Sunday double parking is a sacred motorist right and shall never be mentioned by any supervisor or mayor.

          (Amended by Proposition C, Approved 5/6/2016)
          Editor’s Note:
          Formerly Sec. 16.102.