Monday, May 30, 2016

Last Chance to go Speedin' up and Down Masonic Before They Screw it up!

Dear motorists, despite all our efforts to "Save Masonic", the countless flyers filled with exclamations(!!!), bold lettering, and RAGE CAPS, we have lost a battle in the perverbial ~War on Cars~.  The Masonic Avenue redesign is only a few days away.  It's now a time of mourning, and to enjoy the last few days of this perfect Avenue, born out of an intense love of freeways and parking lots.  Get your fill of free arterial on-street parking, and watch your "high scores" on the radar speed sign while you race back and forth between Oak and Bush without even the slightest worry that there's law enforcement near.

Elmer Snodgrass, neighborhood parking activist, bemoaned, "You knows that once they start this so-called 'improvement project' that traffic is gonna be gridlock.  I'm thinkin' about movin' to San Jose.  I hear they got it good down there with wide roads, loads of free parkin' for ya' and there's ain't stupid pedestrians wanting to walk all out in the road all of the time. 

Used to be a time here when the mayor and the MTA cared about people and cars. Not no more. Now they just care about 'safety' and 'multi modal use' and other code words for stealin' from cars and drivers.  First they stealin' our parkin'.  Now they's puttin' in bike lanes that no one's ever gonna use.  I don't even see many bikers risking their lives biking down this suburban wonder.  It's just like the saying goes, 'you don't go building bridges until you see people swimming across shark infested waters.'"

Ellis Hendrickson screamed, "theres's a perfectly fine bike alternative that non-biking people whipped up.  Bikers just need to go through the Baker Street sharrows and dooring lanes, hit several stop signs along the way, climb a major hill while the bike lanes disappear in favor of angled parking.  Then Cross six lanes of Turk street highway, continue to climb up the hill until it plateaus, then ride down a steep hill without any bike lanes, pray that you don't get hit by cars exiting the garages, and on-street parking.  Take a right turn and continue down a steep hill, more stop signs, hang a left and continue to spiral down through moving and parked cars, continue across Geary's eight lanes of traffic, then go on the left side of Baker for some reason, hang another left at the stop sigh and go back up Post Street's steep hills.  Oh, and then hang a right on Presidio's non existent bike lanes.  Now isn't that much easier than just biking straight through Masonic Avenue?!"  When asked if motorists should use that route she exclaimed, "that's a burden no motorist should ever have to bear."

Despite all this common sense from people who don't want their motoring way of live altered in any way whatsoever, the city is still bent on creating an "active transport" hellscape on Masonic Avenue. It's hard to imagine anyone will continue to live on this street for much longer, given the lack of arterial on-street parking.  In the meantime, go out there and enjoy the glory days of the 50's before they screw it up!

Deemed "controversial" because only a lot of it goes to cars.


  1. Can you believe it? The city has *no idea* how many people will be riding their bikes on Masonic after these changes. They don't even know how many people will be driving. Or walking! How can they be so stupid as to have not consulted the i Ching before building this monstrosity?

    1. I too read the Man in the High Castle...