Thursday, June 27, 2013

Stanley Roberts is a Chump! Masonic Ave is "Perfectly Safe"*

Stanley's sensationalist journalism paints a horrific view of Masonic Avenue, when everyone knows it's "perfectly safe"*.

*for anyone who drives and parks a car.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Fix Masonic, Yes! By Changing it? No!

Fix it, hell yes!  But change it in any way? Efff no!
Bike and walk nuts have been complaining about the Masonic Freeway for years, as it provides a gratuitous single vehicle drive that the likes of San Francisco has never seen.  With its luxurious 3 lane roadways and lack of pedestrian amenities, you can blast through this corridor in seconds flat!  So now, of course, Fix Masonic people want to remove this Freeway from their neighborhood.  Well, the good people at "Save Masonic" have a better way of fixing the freeway and avoiding certain doom, without even changing it!    

They suggest the following to remedy any issues anyone has been having with this freeway.  

"More trees can be planted along the sidewalk, lighting can be improved and bus shelters added"

This kind of solution would only cost about 500 dollars.  All road scientists know that more trees on the sidewalk make everything more better.

This crash involving two speeding cars would have been averted had there been more trees on Masonic's sidewalk. 
Lights also make things way better on a residential freeway.  It allows people to see when a car is speeding at you through a red light, taking an immediate U-turn, or taking a right turn at 20 miles an hour.  Pedestrians would have a much easier time getting the hell out of the way and seeking shelter behind a tree.

Where are all the lights?  This could have been avoided!  
Since the Masonic Freeway sends a ton of single rider vehicles through every day, it makes sense to dedicate a lane for residents who don't want to park in their garages.  With real estate soaring as fast as a Masonic commuter, these garages serve a critical need for storage lockers.   People can then park in front of their garage with ease.  Leave street car lockers alone, Fix Masonic!  

Vehicles on the left will have to stop blocking their garages and actually park in them.  Also, ignore that crash it will be fixed with lighting and trees.  
Clean this shit up and park in here? Are you kidding me Fix Masonic?!
It makes sense to allow this arterial connection for speeding cars, but not at all for bike nuts.  Instead of removing car lockers and adding a cycle track to help slow down traffic, there's an brilliant alternative route for people on bikes to take. Sure, some may argue it's a little confusing, but everyone knows bikers like a challenge, and after a couple dozen times you'll get used to the ups and downs, rights and lefts, turn where the old oak tree used to be,  take a right where the school burned down.  You wouldn't get this kind of adventure  with a straight shot to your destination through Masonic.  Have fun, bikers!

It's so simple! It's like Rube Goldberg created a route just for you!

So there you have it, a complete fix without having to do much changing at all!  Sure, maybe a couple people have been maimed and killed on this freeway, but if someone was on top of a building plucking off a couple people each year, would anyone really try to find the cause and stop it? Of course not, you idiot.  Hats off, Save Masonic folks, you nailed it!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I Love You Dorothy Rabinowitz!

Hates bicycles, the fascist car hating government, and quick to jump to conclusions... who needs Viagra when Dorothy's around!  

Opinion: Death by Bicycle Editorial board member Dorothy Rabinowitz on New York City’s new bike-share program.  Mmm mmm mmm....