The War on Cars Continues, With, Err... Cars

The SFMTA is at it again with their assault on cars, this time with, er, cars!  The plan is to utilize a whopping 0.002% (900) of the total of public parking on car sharing in San Francisco.  It's pure madness!  These precious spaces shouldn't be devoted to vehicles that are accessible to everyone, and where cars can be utilized throughout the day at a rate of 95%.  Every car owner knows that parking spots are supposed to be free to people that actually OWN cars and reserved for people to store 90% of the time.

Kiss your freedom goodbye, suckers.
image found here.

Studies suggest that car share actually helps ease parking congestion, because people are more likely to ditch their car if they have more access to them.  Other studies estimate between 9 and 32 people ditch their cars when car sharing options are available in their neighborhood. These parking spots also bring in anywhere from $50 to $225 a month to the city.  While this so called "evidence" suggests a lot of benefits, the Internet had a lot of poignant and rage filled comments on this car sharing pilot.

• BBhater: "Give away the bus stops and now parking?? What is SFMTA doing?"

• WhyMeWorry: "OK, City of SF, why not just track down all the privately owned motor vehicles and put us in jail."

• Enders_of_sf: "The war against the individual continues."

• SF_local: "What a rip. San Francisco forcing people to bend to their will. So goes freedom."

• Orange Moose: "great. that much harder to find a spot. thanks!"

• Rkeezy: "Stay out of my neighborhood! You're not as wanted as you think you are."  

First Car Share invades your neighborhood, then they take away your freedom, and then it's just a matter of time until car owners wind up in jail.
Image found here.

The SFMTA pilot program thinks this is a win for everyone; from people who don't have cars and would like access to them, car owners on the verge of getting rid of theirs, and also for people who want a better chance to store their personal car on the streets.

Based on these insightful comments above, the pilot is just another war on cars.  It's going to be even harder to find a spot when more people stop owning cars, 'individual freedoms' will be lost, and private car owners will wind up in jail, somehow.  The common sense individuals of San Francisco need to stand up and defend their free 2-3 car storage rights.  Parking spots should be publicly accessible, but not actual cars.  We finally need to end this war on cars, even with, umm... cars, once and for all!

Bike Propaganda at Its Finest

The bike nuts are at it again!  Get a life, losers...

photo credit – bike nopa

Masonic Drivers to SFMTA - "Don't Fix Masonic We'll Try to Behave Ourselves!"

"Oops sorry about that I'll wait for you next time I promise!"

When you walk down Masonic and hear the screeching of cars, the honking horns, the clogged intersections, and you probably think to yourself, "wow that's a highly effective neighborhood highway avenue!"  Well, not everyone seems to think so.  After 5 years of public outcry, SFMTA workshops,  multiple articles in the news, a couple of deaths, unanimous Supervisor support and full funding, the city is ready to undue this marvel of car-centric engineering with a complete redesign of the street.  Some Masonic drivers that actually happen to live in the city are outraged and say there's no need for pedestrian safety improvements and calming measures when they can simply promise to be nicer.

"Oh Geez I'm sorry *polite hand wave*

"Oops go ahead I'll probably let you go through before I step on the gas"

Save(ParkingandSpeedingon)Masonic has tried their best to thwart these plans by coming in super late to the game to save parking on this beautiful virtual highway.  They know that the key to great urban planning was solidified in the 50s and a 3 lane traffic corridor with excessive speeds and on-street parking is the best thing a neighborhood and city needs.  They even had cute cuddly 8 year old children write up a sign for them to no avail.

"We'll get it down to the lower/mid 30's I mean come on let's be serious here!"

Now the drivers freely admit to using this highway-like corridor, well, like a highway.  They are pleading with the public and SFMTA to leave it the way it is and they'll try to behave themselves.  They promise to:

• Try not to block pedestrian crossing most of the time.
• Attempt to stay around 30 miles an hour.
• Really try hard not to take a left turn during commute times.
• Magically look through parked cars when taking a fast sharp right turn off Masonic.  
• Resist the urge to blast through red lights.  
• Take sharp U-turns when absolutely necessary.  
• Pretend like the street belongs to others too.  

"Whoops sorry my bad!"

"Sorry pedestrian just wait a second I might kill you I'll do better next time scout's honor! " 

Barry Hadly remarks, "Ok we admit that we speed a little and clog the pedestrian crosswalks and take crazy fast turns, but please leave this traffic sewer as it is and we promise we'll try to be better."  This kind of honor system is sure to have a more positive effect than installing a median, a cycle track, removing parking from a major transit corridor, and installing a stupid bike lane that most San Franciscans favor.

So to anyone that walks, bikes or lives in the neighborhood, the drivers on Masonic Avenue will try not to dominate and harass you on the street any longer, and fast reckless driving is probably a thing of the past.  Now get rid of that pesky safety improvement redesign plan and let's all get ice cream!

Its a residential area, of course we'll drive the speed limit, from now on!

5/5L Fulton Bus Line Upgrades - Loss of 16 Parking Spots an Unspeakable Tragedy

Introducing the 5L- Muni's 5 year long plan to remove 16 parking spaces
Photo: Ron Pragides/Twitter

While 19,000 Muni riders are rejoicing over the new "upgrades" to the 5-Fulton, others are livid. The changes included stop removal and adding a limited service,  but it also contained a more sinister component: removing over a dozen parking spots to make more room for double bus loading and "safety improvements".  Muni's radical change to parking has at least 16 people fuming.

16 of 114 parking spaces have been eliminated along the 5 Fulton route!  All in the name of 19,000 riders shaving 10-20 minutes from their trip?  This is MADNESS!!!
Image courtesy google maps.  

The loss of these parking spaces is a tragedy, and got car lovers thinking, "why wasn't I informed about this plan during the last 5 years?!" Other complaints ranged from "There were only 3 meetings" and "why was there only a dozen community outreaches and approval processes?!  They should have done more!"  Vehicle owners are upset that the SFMTA would even think of giving up their parking spot just because it might shave 10-20 minutes off 19,000 transit rider's commute times.

When Brett Johnson noticed his personal on-street vehicle locker was removed for a more efficient and safer bus system, he was rightfully upset, "Now look, I'm all for a better, faster, safer bus route, but don't you dare take away MY parking space, and also leave everything else exactly the same."

Enjoy your new 5-Fulton as we destroy your on-street parking dreams!
image found here.  

Taking a page from Howard Chabner's Save(parkingandspeedingon)Masonic playbook, the group decided to start a "Save5Fulton"site.  The car park loving gang proposes they scrap the existing plan, go back to the drawing board and build upon "common sense solutions" They propose a plan that doesn't change any on-street parking, adds more parking, adds more traffic lanes, speeds up traffic, and adds some more parking again.

Bikesore of the Week

Picture taken at a train station in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Absolutely disgusting!  You could fit at least 8 cars here!  They should also charge these people the 34 cents it costs to keep their bikes on the property.  Truly an ugly sight and a parking abomination.  Ugh!

 

Crisis in San Francisco - "There's Only Parking, Everywhere"

There's a real crisis in San Francisco and you see it every day.  There's only parking, everywhere.  Look around and you'll see people's home/apartment garages, private garages, city owned parking garages, street parking and once and a while, metered parking.  While it may appear that there's parking on virtually every street in San Francisco and in every dwelling in upwards of a million spaces, the city desperately needs more.

Crisis at Polk Street where there's only parking on each side of the street, and in parking garages, and all the side streets.
Image found here

While some will argue that parking is a net loss for a city, Dearest District 5 knows better than those fools, even if I don't have any relevant degree or training in urban planning.  San Francisco's 40% vehicle infrastructure simply isn't enough!  And the disgustingly small amount of parking (1.5 square miles of San Francisco's 7 square miles of land).  Parking, as everyone knows, is a renewable resource and needs to continue to grow in a city that is not expanding.

There's only THIS much space devoted to parking in San Francisco, and at some point, there could be less!
Picture found here.  

The SFMTA has been relentless in it's assault on parking, and instead of installing MORE parking spaces, they try to manage supply and demands with metered parking!  Everyone knows it's our god-given right to only pay for where we live, eat, purchase goods, be entertained, but NOT to park on the streets!  And even while prices increase on virtually everything in the city, an annual fee of 100 dollars for a parking permit seems like a sensible approach to mitigating a god given right to store a car in a city.

This is it?!? More More More!!!
picture found here.

Randy McNitty cried, "I heard the MTA is considering spaces on the streets that don't have car parking, and that's absolutely insane!  Where am I going to find the space to park my two cars for free?  If you think I'm going to start biking, taking MUNI, or paying 80,000 dollars for the value of a parking spot, you're sadly mistaken."  Ed Baskly exclaimed, "we really need to fight these idiots in city hall and let the people of this city know that we're not giving away our subsidized parking without a fight.  You're paying to house my idled car if you like it or not and the hell with using it to move traffic or allow anyone else to enjoy this space!"  Neighbors are nervous, because .000000001 percent of the streets right now don't have parking, and that could go even higher.   It's only a matter of time until there isn't parking, everywhere.

Eight Year Olds Against Fix Masonic Plans





Linguist determined the note was written by Eight year olds - "What was really puzzling is why 8 year old children would be against the Fix Masonic plan to begin with, since none of them can even drive a car."

After years of community outreach, organizing and planning, dating all the way back to 2005 when the Masonic street redesign was incorporated into the foolish SF bicycle plan, some flyers started cropping up on the Masonic Freeway, which prompted some parents to find out which child of theirs whipped up the grammatically challenged, rage cap laden tirade. Eventually, with the help of a linguist who specializes in primitive texts, they realized this was undoubtedly written by a group of eight year old children.   After this discovery, she commented, "One can only guess why they never received any word of corridor improvement plans. The little tykes probably never knew about the community outreach because they were either in school, or they weren't even born."

One of the parents, Vanessa Buyers, said,  "Once I saw the last 'sentence' reading 'Let them know they'll be uneployed come next election' I knew it was Billy.  We've been trying to get him to spell that word correctly for months now." Eventually they discovered it was the work of Billy and five of his "Besties". 

 

Parents of these scrappy little NIMBYs were outraged to find out their kids were maniacally invoking their civic rights, and so poorly.   Mainly the parents were upset because their children were not allowed to go out of the house after dark to post flyers or "Go anywhere near that Masonic death hole".  Three of the "Masonic Gang of Six" were grounded for a month and the others lost their iPad privileges for a week. 



The "Masonic Gange of Six" vows to "Don't Giveup Withowt a Fite"

But the kids are more determined than ever to ensure that this corridor stick to 1950's standards.  When asked why there were so vehemently against creating a corridor that everyone could enjoy and feel safe, the group replied, "SHUT UP THAT'S WHY!!! JUST SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!!!"

 

Car Driver Asked - "Why are Bikers the Worst?!"

San Francisco drivers have it the worst.  From having to share the lanes with bikers, to not having the god-given right to park on every block of SF due to a bike lane, it can really be the pits.  Everyday SF car drivers were asked, "What's your bicyclist pet peeve?" Here's what they had to say:

Emily Sanchez, longtime car driver in San Francisco, said, "The worst is when you're at a 4 way stop and you want to coast on through, but some ahole bicyclist is on their way up a hill and doesn't completely stop, or they did stop and I have to wait for them to cross, I'm pissed either way."

Emily Sanchez (right) says, "bicyclist just don't have respect for anyone but themselves. " 

A lot of car drivers expressed their frustration with bicycles, because they have to pay more attention to the road.  Gone are the days when you just expected people to get out of your way and you could casually drive your car and 40+ mph in the city and not have to worry about some damn bicyclist getting in your way.  Gary Sherking, exclaimed "These bicyclists think they own the road!  If they're not taking the lane and robbing seconds off your city commute, they're in their own precious green lane that takes precious feet away from wide car paths for one hell of a ride."

Gary Sherking (somewhere in there) is just fed up with these damn bicyclists (not shown).
Picture found here.  

But this kind of cyclist hatred stems from fact that unlike car drivers and pedestrians, they are the most selfish and foolish people ever.  The only good bicyclist is one that never bikes, ever.  Matt Gifford said it best, "I see bikers do stupid shit every day in this city and the police don't even bat an eye.  One of these days some bicyclist is going to injure a person or scuff a car.  Can we just sit back and wait for this kind of thing to happen?!?"

Matt Gifford (Middle) had a lot to say about the reckless bicyclist reeking havoc on SF streets.
Picture found here.   

Sadly since San Francisco decided to spare a few lanes for bicycles and allow them full use of a lane, it's gone completely downhill and bikers are destroying this city one green foot at a time.  It's only a matter of time until there will be a single road dedicated to bicycle traffic, and I hope I'm in heaven's parking lot before that day happens.

Heaven!
Image found here

Save Polk Street Car Domination - Road for Billionaires

While the SFMTA is claiming that only 15% of people that live and shop on Polk Street do it by cars. The rest got there by Transit, fool walking, or taking their idiotcycle. They reported that people that walk and bike actually spending more money on Polk Street on a weekly basis than any other transportation mode. They are trying to use this lie to encourage more bike friendly accommodations on a car-centered dream.

Bullshit Courtesy of SFMTA

Friends, this is absolute NONSENSE!!! The SFMTA is hiding the fact that every year Oprah, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Martha Stewart and countless other billionaires saddle into their cars and blast through the easy and convenient Polk speedway and bestow the residence and merchants with gifts while purchasing hundreds of millions of dollars in merchandise each year.  

"Speed trek through Polk Street?  Fuck, yes!

Gin Mansten, who owns a restaurant in the Polk, exclaimed. "I just love seeing these billionaires tear through our neighborhood!  Sure, over 130 pedestrians and bike riders have been hurt on our streets in the last several years, but when you have Martha Stewart stopping by and saying your chilled gazpacho is 'above adequate' it really brightens your day."  She also went on to say, "the real terrors here are the bikers.  If a bike lane is built here there will be nothing to stop them from their reckless and selfish ways.  Children and the elderly will cower in fear and we'll be asking ourselves. 'why did we ever choose these green painted abominations?!?'"

"When you can get through a half a mile in seconds and slam into a parking spot, it's a good thing" 

The SFMTA also doesn't disclose that bikers actually bring the Polk Street economy down because there's a direct correlation between biking and kleptomania.  Sometimes they ransack a business and bike away with all their stolen loot.  Emma Norman, Polk Street resident, exclaimed, "These bikers are worse than the Hell's Angels! They just stroll on in and act like they own the place!  If bike lanes are installed they'll just continue to loot and pillage this community!  Save the space for faster lanes and parking spaces for billionaires."

Some cop checking for cyclist prints, probably. 

Polk Street is such a wonderful place currently, that it even got the attention of billionaire Oprah Winfrey.  She even had one of her "Oprah Winfrey's Greatest Giveaways" on Polk Street which brought in more than 150 million dollars to the street in one day.  It was featured as one of the top 10 greatest moments on television.

"Look under your seats everyone, it's a key to your new Polk Street car!"

Warren Buffet stopped by a few months ago and explained, "I just love this street! The lack of pedestrian safety combined with tons of parking just make this a billionaire's dream come true.  If I see that they've taken away even one parking spot, or install a bike sharrow, that'll be the last you see my SUV and millions on Polk Street."

"I want to see a drive-thru on every block of Polk Street"

If we want to see less billionaires and more thieving bicyclists, then go ahead and install a bike lane, and improve so-called "pedestrian safety" and watch Polk Street go down the cyclist toilet.