Friday, May 31, 2013

Save Polk Street Car Domination - Road for Billionaires

While the SFMTA is claiming that only 15% of people that live and shop on Polk Street do it by cars. The rest got there by Transit, fool walking, or taking their idiotcycle. They reported that people that walk and bike actually spending more money on Polk Street on a weekly basis than any other transportation mode. They are trying to use this lie to encourage more bike friendly accommodations on a car-centered dream.

Bullshit Courtesy of SFMTA
Friends, this is absolute NONSENSE!!! The SFMTA is hiding the fact that every year Oprah, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Martha Stewart and countless other billionaires saddle into their cars and blast through the easy and convenient Polk speedway and bestow the residence and merchants with gifts while purchasing hundreds of millions of dollars in merchandise each year.  

"Speed trek through Polk Street?  Fuck, yes!
Gin Mansten, who owns a restaurant in the Polk, exclaimed. "I just love seeing these billionaires tear through our neighborhood!  Sure, over 130 pedestrians and bike riders have been hurt on our streets in the last several years, but when you have Martha Stewart stopping by and saying your chilled gazpacho is 'above adequate' it really brightens your day."  She also went on to say, "the real terrors here are the bikers.  If a bike lane is built here there will be nothing to stop them from their reckless and selfish ways.  Children and the elderly will cower in fear and we'll be asking ourselves. 'why did we ever choose these green painted abominations?!?'"

"When you can get through a half a mile in seconds and slam into a parking spot, it's a good thing" 
The SFMTA also doesn't disclose that bikers actually bring the Polk Street economy down because there's a direct correlation between biking and kleptomania.  Sometimes they ransack a business and bike away with all their stolen loot.  Emma Norman, Polk Street resident, exclaimed, "These bikers are worse than the Hell's Angels! They just stroll on in and act like they own the place!  If bike lanes are installed they'll just continue to loot and pillage this community!  Save the space for faster lanes and parking spaces for billionaires."

Some cop checking for cyclist prints, probably. 
Polk Street is such a wonderful place currently, that it even got the attention of billionaire Oprah Winfrey.  She even had one of her "Oprah Winfrey's Greatest Giveaways" on Polk Street which brought in more than 150 million dollars to the street in one day.  It was featured as one of the top 10 greatest moments on television.

"Look under your seats everyone, it's a key to your new Polk Street car!"
Warren Buffet stopped by a few months ago and explained, "I just love this street! The lack of pedestrian safety combined with tons of parking just make this a billionaire's dream come true.  If I see that they've taken away even one parking spot, or install a bike sharrow, that'll be the last you see my SUV and millions on Polk Street."

"I want to see a drive-thru on every block of Polk Street"
If we want to see less billionaires and more thieving bicyclists, then go ahead and install a bike lane, and improve so-called "pedestrian safety" and watch Polk Street go down the cyclist toilet.

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