|DYFA Day in full swing!|
|Getting ready for the Annual Drive!|
On Thursday, May 16th the annual DYFA begins! San Franciscans are encourages to ditch their walking shoes, throw away their bikes, abandon public transit, and partake in the glory of personal vehicle dominance that has been enjoyed for over a century. Everyone is welcome, from easily distracted and inexperienced youth, multiple DUI motorists, fender benders, speed demons, to unchecked elderly drivers! Some sidewalks and the .5% of bicycle infrastructure in the city will be removed and modified to accommodate faster driving speeds and to more free subsidized lockers for cars.
|Useless sidewalks become car lockers and extra drive-able space to allow a smooth commute to work.|
The SFPD will help to block off sidewalk traffic and has sent fliers to SF residents to purchase, lease, rent or borrow cars while the celebration takes place. Carpooling is strongly discouraged and BART and MUNI will shut down entirely to encourage the combined million passengers to seek more independent modes of transportation. SFPD has also been asked to be lax with speed limit enforcement, distracted drivers, and parking in bike lanes. They assured the city that they're experts at this, with decades of topnotch experience uninforcing vehicle laws.
Local merchants, who typically rely on foot traffic for a size-able chuck of their income, will join in by offering donuts, 60 oz. drinks and hamburgers on the urban freeways. Many of the them plan to wear brightly colored shirts to avoid a city mandated "don't stand your ground" law passed for the celebration. The ordinance fines walkers and cyclists if they get in the way of vehicles. Fines will also double for pedestrians that are struck by a vehicle.
|Donuts will be offered to motorists, and peds will be corralled in the background so motorists can enjoy eating and driving to work with little pedestrian distraction.|