Kids Learn a Super Fun Game to Avoid Vehicle Carnage

Kids learning fun games and limericks that instill the ordained fear of vehicles.
Photo: Lea Suzuki, The Chronicle | Buy this photo

The city of San Francisco is ready to spend the next couple of decades trying to make streets less like the highways they were designed to be.  And while motorist behavior stays the same, it only makes sense to teach children that they shouldn't get in the way of the almighty car.  Spokesman for the 'Kids Get Out of The Damn Way' program said, "Children need to learn early the grim reality that every street of every block of their entire neighborhood is a virtual slaughter zone, but they're going to learn in a super fun and interactive way!  They even have a mascot for the occasion called "Conky: The Crazed Car of Doom".  Conky would run around the children texting and drinking while the children avoided getting 'flattened' by the beloved mascot.

Always remember what Conky says, Kids!  "Get out of my way or I will END YOU."
Image found here.  

The often trembling and teary eyed children were thrown into a "video game like" environment and told to play out real life scenarios where they pay reverence to the almighty vehicle.  In one situation, they were told to wave their hands and plead for their lives while Conky backs out of their driveway without checking his rearview mirror.  As with previous years, this year shaping up to be just as dangerous and detrimental to pedestrians in San Francisco at the hands of motorist behavior, it only makes sense to teach children the natural order of streets.

As Sandy dries her eyes she asks the instructor "Did I win the game?" to which the instructor replies, "Maybe you did Sandy... maybe..."
Photo: Lea Suzuki, The Chronicle | Buy this photo

Kids will learn to be afraid and avoid getting in the way of cars up until they get to the age where their brains become wired and prone to reckless and risky behaviors, at which time they'll be given the opportunity to operate a vehicle themselves.  The hope is that they will remember their 'Get Out of The Damn Way' training.  Teens will understand the tables are finally turned and pedestrians will need to get the hell out of their way from now on.

"Welcome to my world, bitches"
image found here.  

If You're Going to Explore a "Microhood" you Better Have a Car!

Why would you explore several blocks of a "Microhood" by using your legs, like a total idiot?


 *Quick parking courtesy of ~Magic~.

New York City - Times Square in Ruin

Veronica Moss Visits Times Square and shows us the wanton destruction these pedestrian "improvements" have had on the city and even if traffic has gotten better for motorists, it's still the worst idea ever.  I foretold of this doom years ago.  I wish you were my daughter Veronica Moss!

Veronica Moss Visits Times Square from Streetfilms on Vimeo.

Save Masonic Group Missed Six Years of Community Meetings - Claims "We Thought it was a Freeway"

"It looks so much like a freeway we didn't think to attend a meeting about an Avenue."  
picture on the left here. picture on the right found here.  

The folks at Save(Parking and Speeding on)Masonic  are outraged over the recent approved plans to redesign Masonic Avenue.  Even though in the last five years, 122 people have been injured and two people killed, just on 2/3 of a mile of Masonic, the group fervently believe this safety claim is bogus.  But their biggest issue is that they were not notified about the changes over the last six years, somehow.

Many of them simply didn't believe Masonic was a Avenue.  Glenda Delli exclaimed, "I always thought Masonic was a freeway with tons of free parking.  They should have done a better job of letting us know about this.  Keep this Freeway, I mean Avenue, alone!!!"

"We thought this speed limit sign was a joke"
Image found here. 

Save (Parking and Speeding) on Masonic feel they were bamboozled and the SFMTA owes them an explanation.  Matt Thomas said, "Look at all those cars going above 40 miles an hour, some even hitting 60.  Why would anyone in the neighborhood think this was an Avenue?"

SPASOM spokesman said, "tons of people speed through this corridor every day and they weren't given any way to vote on this.  Democracy is the only way to ever change a corridor.  Why should the SFMTA have the right to make these changes?"  When thousands of Masonic commuters were asked for comment, they just blasted by honking their horns encouraging others to go faster.

"Three lanes of car traffic in both directions going 50 miles an hour is NOT an Avenue.  SAVE IT!!!"

When SPASOM was asked why they thought an important corridor with tons of rushing cars would have parking on both sides, they stopped for a moment and replied, "go to hell."

Bikesore of the Week

Picture taken at a train station in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Absolutely disgusting!  You could fit at least 8 cars here!  They should also charge these people the 34 cents it costs to keep their bikes on the property.  Truly an ugly sight and a parking abomination.  Ugh!