Bob Gunderson's Street Breakdown

Everything you wanted to know about streets but were too dumb to ask.

You Can Burn Just as Many Calories Hating Bikes For a Half Hour

Image found here.  

Bike Propaganda at Its Finest

The bike nuts are at it again!  Get a life, losers...

photo credit – bike nopa

Lee's “Be Nice, Look Twice” Campaign Matched With "Look Over Your Shoulder, and Carry a Boulder"

In 2013, there was a near-record high of 21 pedestrian fatalities and 4 cyclist fatalities in San Francisco.  Mayor Lee announced his "Be Nice, Look Twice" campaign and he's received a lot of criticism for "pedestrian and cyclist blaming".  Shortly after, his advisers whipped up an equally worthy campaign, "Look Over Your Shoulder, and Carry a Boulder".

Preparing to walk through SF!
image found here.

"We know that pedestrians are the most vulnerable to cars, but they need to understand that people need to get from point A to B as quickly as possible, and even though they're driving a 2 ton vehicle with the potential for a high velocity collision, the pedestrian can be just as much to blame." said Lee's spokesman. He followed up with, "Cars are responsible for 66% of the accidents in the city, and that's why we we're trying to equal the playing field with cars, and encourage pedestrians to carry a boulder whenever possible".

Pedestrian hiding behind a boulder for dear life.
image found here

The boulder rules are similar to driving a car in the city.  As long as you don't intend on hurting anyone by carrying a boulder around, you won't be held accountable for any accidents.  Pedestrians are assured if they hurl a boulder into the middle of an intersection, so long as they weren't targeting anyone in particular it will be considered an inevitable fact of life in the city.

"Only two of the drivers responsible for fatalities faced any consequences, and the same will apply to boulder wielding pedestrians.
Image found here. 

Anti-Car Propaganda!

Propaganda courtesy of bike nuts... probably

This would make a lot more sense if it was in reverse! 

Bikesore of the Week - Golden Gate Park

Disgusting bike orgy, courtesy of Golden Gate Park

Golden Gate Park hosted the "Hardly Strictly" event over the weekend, and rather than allow people to drive cars to the event like real Americans, they only allowed bikes and walking in the park.  The bikenuts parked them on a half mile stretch of asphalt that could have housed a few dozen cars.  What a total waste of space!
 

Save Masonic Group Missed Six Years of Community Meetings - Claims "We Thought it was a Freeway"

"It looks so much like a freeway we didn't think to attend a meeting about an Avenue."  
picture on the left here. picture on the right found here.  

The folks at Save(Parking and Speeding on)Masonic  are outraged over the recent approved plans to redesign Masonic Avenue.  Even though in the last five years, 122 people have been injured and two people killed, just on 2/3 of a mile of Masonic, the group fervently believe this safety claim is bogus.  But their biggest issue is that they were not notified about the changes over the last six years, somehow.

Many of them simply didn't believe Masonic was a Avenue.  Glenda Delli exclaimed, "I always thought Masonic was a freeway with tons of free parking.  They should have done a better job of letting us know about this.  Keep this Freeway, I mean Avenue, alone!!!"

"We thought this speed limit sign was a joke"
Image found here. 

Save (Parking and Speeding) on Masonic feel they were bamboozled and the SFMTA owes them an explanation.  Matt Thomas said, "Look at all those cars going above 40 miles an hour, some even hitting 60.  Why would anyone in the neighborhood think this was an Avenue?"

SPASOM spokesman said, "tons of people speed through this corridor every day and they weren't given any way to vote on this.  Democracy is the only way to ever change a corridor.  Why should the SFMTA have the right to make these changes?"  When thousands of Masonic commuters were asked for comment, they just blasted by honking their horns encouraging others to go faster.

"Three lanes of car traffic in both directions going 50 miles an hour is NOT an Avenue.  SAVE IT!!!"

When SPASOM was asked why they thought an important corridor with tons of rushing cars would have parking on both sides, they stopped for a moment and replied, "go to hell."

Car Driver Asked - "Why are Bikers the Worst?!"

San Francisco drivers have it the worst.  From having to share the lanes with bikers, to not having the god-given right to park on every block of SF due to a bike lane, it can really be the pits.  Everyday SF car drivers were asked, "What's your bicyclist pet peeve?" Here's what they had to say:

Emily Sanchez, longtime car driver in San Francisco, said, "The worst is when you're at a 4 way stop and you want to coast on through, but some ahole bicyclist is on their way up a hill and doesn't completely stop, or they did stop and I have to wait for them to cross, I'm pissed either way."

Emily Sanchez (right) says, "bicyclist just don't have respect for anyone but themselves. " 

A lot of car drivers expressed their frustration with bicycles, because they have to pay more attention to the road.  Gone are the days when you just expected people to get out of your way and you could casually drive your car and 40+ mph in the city and not have to worry about some damn bicyclist getting in your way.  Gary Sherking, exclaimed "These bicyclists think they own the road!  If they're not taking the lane and robbing seconds off your city commute, they're in their own precious green lane that takes precious feet away from wide car paths for one hell of a ride."

Gary Sherking (somewhere in there) is just fed up with these damn bicyclists (not shown).
Picture found here.  

But this kind of cyclist hatred stems from fact that unlike car drivers and pedestrians, they are the most selfish and foolish people ever.  The only good bicyclist is one that never bikes, ever.  Matt Gifford said it best, "I see bikers do stupid shit every day in this city and the police don't even bat an eye.  One of these days some bicyclist is going to injure a person or scuff a car.  Can we just sit back and wait for this kind of thing to happen?!?"

Matt Gifford (Middle) had a lot to say about the reckless bicyclist reeking havoc on SF streets.
Picture found here.   

Sadly since San Francisco decided to spare a few lanes for bicycles and allow them full use of a lane, it's gone completely downhill and bikers are destroying this city one green foot at a time.  It's only a matter of time until there will be a single road dedicated to bicycle traffic, and I hope I'm in heaven's parking lot before that day happens.

Heaven!
Image found here

Amsterdamned by Bikes

Recently the New York Times came out with a 100% true hyperbole that Amsterdam has been completely destroyed by bicycles.  Over 30% of all trips are taken by those wretched non-motorized jack-wagons.  Of course, Streetfilms has tried to deny this absolute fact made up by the New York Times.

Minutes later, Anita died of bike poisoning.
(Image courtesy of The New York Times)

Unfortunately the city caved into "special interest" bike fanatics long ago by giving them a third of the space that would justifiably go to uncloggable car infrastructure.  They even ENCOURAGED bicycle transit and let this bicycle plague get out of hand!  Now everywhere from the Red Light District to Centraal Station is littered with bicycles. The problem has gotten so out of control that tourists can't even recognize public landmarks anymore.

The Anne Frank Museum.
(image found here)

What's left of the Van Gogh museum after bikes reached critical mass
(Image found here)

Citizens pine for the good old days when cars took over the city and magically disappeared when they weren't needed.
 (Image found here)

Citizens in Amsterdam are asking themselves where they went wrong when they decided to start removing the cars from the streets in the 50s and 60s.  Satellite images through google maps show a sea of metal, spokes and rubber.  Directions are confusing because they'll instruct you to "turn at the cluster of pink, blue and orange bikes".  8000 tourists went missing last year alone.

Amsterdamians are fed up.  Local police chief Edmund explained, "We were all such fools to believe this was the right decision to encourage bikes over cars, and now we're stuck with this mess of bikes in the city that would cost literally hundreds of dollars to clean up".   Officials are contemplating how to clean up this mess and what weekend they could do it.

Hopefully we don't make the same kind of grave mistakes in San Francisco, where city officials want 20% of bike transit usage by 2020.  If the city gets its way you won't even be able to walk a foot without running into a bicycle.  Let's look at Amsterdam as a terrible, horrible beacon of things to come.   Friends, stick to the tried and true method of transportation, with uncluttered cars parked on every single street of San Francisco.  

The bicycle epidemic is so bad that bikes have actually formed unstoppable super bikes.  
(Image Courtesy of the City of Sydney)

The Wiggle is a MAJOR DEATHTRAP, Probably

Welcome to Fresh Cycle Hell

Everyone knows that bikes are like plutonium, there's NO LEVEL of safe exposure.  Bike and bike lanes should be treated with the same care, and thrown into a cave deep below Utah.  Because people are driving around San Francisco in their idiotcycle more and more, the "Wiggle" has been gaining popularity over the years.  It provides a smooth terrain and a path that's less traveled by glorious vehicles.  But now hearsay and conjecture is starting to mount for this destructive wiggle, and people are beginning to realize that has turned into a pedestrian death trap, allegedly, and is murdering people every single day, probably.  This Bike Accident Tracker shows all the accidents that were ultimately caused by a bike. most likely.   

That green zigzag is the bike murder area... even if the amount of accidents happened in those big red dots around it, and even if there haven't been any fatalities... allegedly

Some people have expressed concern about all the bike traffic coming into the area. Sandy Deirch, explains, "Back in the good old days, you could hear the cars tearing through the neighborhood at 30 miles an hour rolling through a stop sign and you could easily scurry away.  Now you'll see some bicyclist coming at a 15 mile clip, slowing down and looking at you with their soulless eyes.  I'm not sure which 2 feet to move to get out of their way! It's scary as hell I tell you!"

Ed Nelson, long time resident, said that he's absolutely terrified of these two wheeled menaces and thinks the amount of hit and runs are going to skyrocket.  "What's to stop these cycle terrorists from wiping out a ton of people?  All they have to do is hit someone, fall down, get back up, make sure their bike is ok, make sure they are fine, and then drive away Scott Free!"

Bicyclist that probably blew through that stop sign and also ran over 15 people on the previous block and somehow managed to stay upright on his bike.

The tragedy that has most likely taken place on the Wiggle is incalculable, mostly because the evidence has been buried to the point that someone would question if it's really even there.  People walk along the panhandle along with fast moving bikes and are murdered on a regular basis I think.  The SFPD even monitors the Wiggle from time to time, on foot, and issues out tickets, which they should focus on exclusively due to all the presumed injury and death along this path, which I'm sure is 100% of all bikers there never obey any traffic signs.  Everyone knows that the Panhandle is plausibly an urban death hole thanks to the merging of pedestrian and cycle traffic.  It's time to fix the Wiggle before it theoretically claims even more lives!!!

A crash map of the Panhandle where thousands of bikers and pedestrians share the same space every day.  The red dot indicates all the cars that have collided with... wait, scratch that.

A recent accident by a bus and vehicle.  Some may claim the car was taking speedy left on Masonic Freeway to get on Oak street, but everyone with a brain knows it was caused by those two bikes in the picture.

If we really want to see anecdotal evidence of biker fatalities and injuries drop, we're going to need to tear up the massively expensive bike sharrows and put in wider lanes for car traffic. If this doesn't happen we're going to continue to hear gossip about awful bike driving that would never happen by the likes of the courteous, pedestrian conscious, law-abiding vehicles dominating the roads of San Francisco.

Fix Masonic, Yes! By Changing it? No!

Fix it, hell yes!  But change it in any way? Efff no!

Bike and walk nuts have been complaining about the Masonic Freeway for years, as it provides a gratuitous single vehicle drive that the likes of San Francisco has never seen.  With its luxurious 3 lane roadways and lack of pedestrian amenities, you can blast through this corridor in seconds flat!  So now, of course, Fix Masonic people want to remove this Freeway from their neighborhood.  Well, the good people at "Save Masonic" have a better way of fixing the freeway and avoiding certain doom, without even changing it!    

They suggest the following to remedy any issues anyone has been having with this freeway.  

"More trees can be planted along the sidewalk, lighting can be improved and bus shelters added"

This kind of solution would only cost about 500 dollars.  All road scientists know that more trees on the sidewalk make everything more better.

This crash involving two speeding cars would have been averted had there been more trees on Masonic's sidewalk. 

Lights also make things way better on a residential freeway.  It allows people to see when a car is speeding at you through a red light, taking an immediate U-turn, or taking a right turn at 20 miles an hour.  Pedestrians would have a much easier time getting the hell out of the way and seeking shelter behind a tree.

Where are all the lights?  This could have been avoided!  

Since the Masonic Freeway sends a ton of single rider vehicles through every day, it makes sense to dedicate a lane for residents who don't want to park in their garages.  With real estate soaring as fast as a Masonic commuter, these garages serve a critical need for storage lockers.   People can then park in front of their garage with ease.  Leave street car lockers alone, Fix Masonic!  

Vehicles on the left will have to stop blocking their garages and actually park in them.  Also, ignore that crash it will be fixed with lighting and trees.  

Clean this shit up and park in here? Are you kidding me Fix Masonic?!

It makes sense to allow this arterial connection for speeding cars, but not at all for bike nuts.  Instead of removing car lockers and adding a cycle track to help slow down traffic, there's an brilliant alternative route for people on bikes to take. Sure, some may argue it's a little confusing, but everyone knows bikers like a challenge, and after a couple dozen times you'll get used to the ups and downs, rights and lefts, turn where the old oak tree used to be,  take a right where the school burned down.  You wouldn't get this kind of adventure  with a straight shot to your destination through Masonic.  Have fun, bikers!

It's so simple! It's like Rube Goldberg created a route just for you!

So there you have it, a complete fix without having to do much changing at all!  Sure, maybe a couple people have been maimed and killed on this freeway, but if someone was on top of a building plucking off a couple people each year, would anyone really try to find the cause and stop it? Of course not, you idiot.  Hats off, Save Masonic folks, you nailed it!