Masonic Drivers to SFMTA - "Don't Fix Masonic We'll Try to Behave Ourselves!"

"Oops sorry about that I'll wait for you next time I promise!"

When you walk down Masonic and hear the screeching of cars, the honking horns, the clogged intersections, and you probably think to yourself, "wow that's a highly effective neighborhood highway avenue!"  Well, not everyone seems to think so.  After 5 years of public outcry, SFMTA workshops,  multiple articles in the news, a couple of deaths, unanimous Supervisor support and full funding, the city is ready to undue this marvel of car-centric engineering with a complete redesign of the street.  Some Masonic drivers that actually happen to live in the city are outraged and say there's no need for pedestrian safety improvements and calming measures when they can simply promise to be nicer.

"Oh Geez I'm sorry *polite hand wave*

"Oops go ahead I'll probably let you go through before I step on the gas"

Save(ParkingandSpeedingon)Masonic has tried their best to thwart these plans by coming in super late to the game to save parking on this beautiful virtual highway.  They know that the key to great urban planning was solidified in the 50s and a 3 lane traffic corridor with excessive speeds and on-street parking is the best thing a neighborhood and city needs.  They even had cute cuddly 8 year old children write up a sign for them to no avail.

"We'll get it down to the lower/mid 30's I mean come on let's be serious here!"

Now the drivers freely admit to using this highway-like corridor, well, like a highway.  They are pleading with the public and SFMTA to leave it the way it is and they'll try to behave themselves.  They promise to:

• Try not to block pedestrian crossing most of the time.
• Attempt to stay around 30 miles an hour.
• Really try hard not to take a left turn during commute times.
• Magically look through parked cars when taking a fast sharp right turn off Masonic.  
• Resist the urge to blast through red lights.  
• Take sharp U-turns when absolutely necessary.  
• Pretend like the street belongs to others too.  

"Whoops sorry my bad!"

"Sorry pedestrian just wait a second I might kill you I'll do better next time scout's honor! " 

Barry Hadly remarks, "Ok we admit that we speed a little and clog the pedestrian crosswalks and take crazy fast turns, but please leave this traffic sewer as it is and we promise we'll try to be better."  This kind of honor system is sure to have a more positive effect than installing a median, a cycle track, removing parking from a major transit corridor, and installing a stupid bike lane that most San Franciscans favor.

So to anyone that walks, bikes or lives in the neighborhood, the drivers on Masonic Avenue will try not to dominate and harass you on the street any longer, and fast reckless driving is probably a thing of the past.  Now get rid of that pesky safety improvement redesign plan and let's all get ice cream!

Its a residential area, of course we'll drive the speed limit, from now on!

Save Masonic Group Missed Six Years of Community Meetings - Claims "We Thought it was a Freeway"

"It looks so much like a freeway we didn't think to attend a meeting about an Avenue."  
picture on the left here. picture on the right found here.  

The folks at Save(Parking and Speeding on)Masonic  are outraged over the recent approved plans to redesign Masonic Avenue.  Even though in the last five years, 122 people have been injured and two people killed, just on 2/3 of a mile of Masonic, the group fervently believe this safety claim is bogus.  But their biggest issue is that they were not notified about the changes over the last six years, somehow.

Many of them simply didn't believe Masonic was a Avenue.  Glenda Delli exclaimed, "I always thought Masonic was a freeway with tons of free parking.  They should have done a better job of letting us know about this.  Keep this Freeway, I mean Avenue, alone!!!"

"We thought this speed limit sign was a joke"
Image found here. 

Save (Parking and Speeding) on Masonic feel they were bamboozled and the SFMTA owes them an explanation.  Matt Thomas said, "Look at all those cars going above 40 miles an hour, some even hitting 60.  Why would anyone in the neighborhood think this was an Avenue?"

SPASOM spokesman said, "tons of people speed through this corridor every day and they weren't given any way to vote on this.  Democracy is the only way to ever change a corridor.  Why should the SFMTA have the right to make these changes?"  When thousands of Masonic commuters were asked for comment, they just blasted by honking their horns encouraging others to go faster.

"Three lanes of car traffic in both directions going 50 miles an hour is NOT an Avenue.  SAVE IT!!!"

When SPASOM was asked why they thought an important corridor with tons of rushing cars would have parking on both sides, they stopped for a moment and replied, "go to hell."

Fell & Masonic Bike Light Shield: Oregon Trail-like Repercussions

The foolish residents of NOPA and all the bike idiots decided that cars traveling 30+ miles an hour making a left-hand turn into pedestrian and bike traffic was a bad idea.  They couldn't just wait until the city officials or the transit authority deemed the intersection as dangerous.  It's also possible that some kind of legal entanglement stopped anyone from getting this installed, which was probably due to someone's bleeding heart for the environment.  Guess we'll never know.  Anyway, the bike shield has only been around for about a year, but I'm an expert at statistical analysis, and you're too stupid to understand them, so I'll spare you the details.  Sufficed to say, it's been an absolute failure. 

Check out this Bullshit

This bike light was supposed to stop any, and all, accidents from ever occurring on this intersection.  Well guess what, THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.  Not only did this bike light fail to stop every accident, but it has caused Oregon Trail-like Repercussions.  People are now packing their cars with ammo, food, and plenty of family members because most of them, sadly, make the entire journey.  

After the bike light was installed, at least one person out of each car has died of Dysentery. 

Clearly the light Fucked up traffic beyond hope for drivers and now they have to wait for what now is an eternity, to take a left turn.  Maybe some day progressive folks will realize the folly of trying, but for now we have to live with the dire consequences of this unreasonable attempt at safety. 

"Get in the car kids, we're heading down Fell Street... that's why we haven't named your youngest brother yet."