Mayor Lee Urges Bikers to Take Biking More Seriously Than he Does

Mayor Lee and the SFPD on little toys not meant to be considered legitimate forms of transportation.
Photo: Aaron Bialick

Mayor Lee has been throwing a bone to the bike weirdos for some time now, with a smattering of disjointed bike infrastructure here and there and giving words of consolation whenever a biker or pedestrian meets their untimely end.  He even bikes every year in front of cameras!  He's now asking bikers to do what he cannot, take biking more seriously, mainly in the name of parking, parking, parking, and then safety.  The mayor made a brief announcement regarding his recent veto threat of the Idaho Yield Law, where bikers rolling through stop signs with their nimble, lightweight vehicles, would be deemed less important than motorists speeding, running red lights, or violating pedestrian's right-of-way.

The mayor then urged bikers to take biking far more serious than he ever has.

Mayor Lee's private "Safety Wagon" Perfect for navigating approximately 50 square miles of city.
image found here.

Biking is a priority (second, or third to car storage)  

"Biking has its place, and that's usually next to car storage.  If we can wedge in a bike lane between some parked cars, we'll probably do it, or not.  Also, parking is so important that I removed "nickle and diming" motorists on Sunday, because there's nothing worse than having to pay to park your car on a Sunday. You can now drive and circle around for parking to your heart's content!  Don't worry, Muni and Bay Area Bike Share users, your trips still cost the same on Sundays!  I'm all for 'balanced streets' where the safety of a bike lane is met with the parking of my optometrist."

Cars can and will always be  found on virtually every road in all of San Francisco, even in our urban parks, like Golden Gate Park!  Market Street will always have tons of cars, but they're kind of diverted now. Sorry about that, motorists!  You got most of what you wanted with Polk Street though! *wink *wink"

Laws apply to ALL vehicles.

"I mean, not that many of the traffic laws are really upheld that much anyway, but they apply equally to every vehicle.  Even if it's a 3000 pound truck or a seven pound carbon frame with a 150 pounds resting on it.  It's exactly the same in the eyes of our traffic laws.  Listen to our officers when they say that you should make a complete stop, or put your foot down, or not put your foot down, or maybe you can roll through?  Eh, semantics. We care about you bikers enough by lumping you all into the same bucket for safety or whatever.  I won't stop another great use of SFPD resources and time to start another bike crackdown.  I didn't before and I will didn't again.  Oh and by the way, "Focus on Five" really isn't much a demand.  If the SFPD does it that's fine, if not, well we kind of tried."

Do these look the same?  Well to the law it does!  It's for your own good probably.

As Mayor Lee left he told bikers to "take those toys of yours seriously" and reiterated his stance that he is "not willing to trade away safety for convenience.”  Lee then got into his private chauffeured car, and drove off."  

SFMTA to Angry Motorists: "Screw it! You Can't Have Nice Things!"

"Does this look like a problem caused by pedestrian safety improvments, public transit and bike lanes, morons? "- SFMTA
Image found here

The San Francisco Metro Transit Association has been under a lot of fire recently from angry, math impared individuals and their poorly written websites, blaming them for everything under the sun.  Finally, after years of taking this abuse, they've finally released an open letter to the angry motorists of San Francisco:

Dear Angry SF Motorists, 

Screw it.  You can't have nice things.  You can't be trusted to drive safely or sanely on a big wide street with multiple lanes.  Is there ever a signal rotation that goes by without one of you jackasses speeding through it?  We have to tell cops to patrol you every single hour of every single day because we know you're doing stupid shit out there.  You treat pedestrians and cyclists like they're obstacles in a game and not real people.  You can't be relied upon to actually move your car after the allotted time so we have to babysit and ticket you.  You can't handle even the slightest traffic jam without losing your shit.  We have to send out traffic babysitters anytime something takes a few seconds away from your precious speedy commute.  

You can't share, you can't be safe, and you can't be trusted for anything.  You don't deserve to have anything nice.

"Does this look like the kind of thing we should have to prevent you from doing?  Can you at least attempt to hold onto one shred of decency when you're in your car?
image found here.

You complain that you don't have enough parking?  We put parking everywhere, even on busy arterial streets like a lunatic, but you still want more.  Are you serious that the ENTIRE LENGTH of the California Coast isn't enough for you?  Why are you being such selfish jerks?  You live in a city that was meant for, at most, 4,000 cars per square mile and now we're at 10,000. We're terribly sorry if you have a problem with simple math and geometry.  We'll gladly pay for a semester so you can relearn grade school math.  

Seriously?  This isn't enough?  This is more than TWICE the mount SF was every supposed to have?  And you wonder why there's car congestion?
image found here

Why are you blaming us for the parking issue?  Why don't you blame your neighbor that hasn't actually used his cars in over a month?  Or that family that NEVER parks in their garage because they don't want to move their pingpong table or clear the garbage out of it?  Why don't you blame your neighbor that has that big "Do Not Park" sign in front of his garage?  You know they never use it.  Quit blaming us you morons.  

We gave unfettered access to the street but you continue to stop in pedestrian areas and blast through stop signs.  Is this what you do with every single street that's designed for you?  You can't even signal properly half the time - Seriously, look at yourselves, you're like children out there with the honking horns and skidding brakes and a complete disregard for anyone but yourselves. What kind of adult acts like this?  

"Has a pedestrian or cyclist ever come even close to creating this kind of carnage?  And you want us to make it easier for you to drive in the city?  Are you insane?
image found here

And for your people who have turned to the internet with statements like "Fix the MTA", do you have any idea what you're even talking about?  Have you even noticed any of the improvements we've made in the past few years?  We're even getting good Yelp Reviews!  Do you even take MUNI?  That's right, you don't.  You've gotten in our way, every step of the way to improve any of the bus lines.  You don't even know what we've done, and you're determined to prevent us from continuing on our successes.  Guess what, we need money to do it and we don't have it and you guys say to fix things before we have the money?  What kind of planet are you from?  You guys seriously are THE. WORST.

Do you even have any idea of what the MTA and Muni is?  The Muni's job isn't to tell you how to get there?  Muni gets you there by public transportation, you idiots.  This is why you don't deserve anything nice.
image found here.

So guess what, we're taking away a lot of your car lanes, we're taking away some of your precious parking spots, and we're going to give the more responsible groups a chance.  You'll be seeing more road diets, pedestrian safety improvements, dedicated bus lanes and bike lanes.  We'll gladly exchange the kind of fresh hell you motorists unleash for the potential of some cyclists rolling through stop signs and more jaywalkers.  So look out transit riders, pedestrians, and pedestrians that cycle, your time has come.  Time to let the people who haven't abused their privilege have reign of the streets.  

Suck it, Angry Motorists.

-SFMTA 

Prop L Sounds the Parking Alarm - "We Need More Space to Not Move Vehicles"

There's a real first world problem in San Francisco.  Per person, a car takes up 10 times more space than a bike, 15 times more than a train, and 30 times more than a pedestrian,  So obviously you need lots more room for them.  If you live in the population dense city of San Francisco, you're probably asking yourself "why isn't there more free space to not move vehicles?" The car balance loving supporters of Prop L have brought attention to this highly important issue.

The balanced use of a street should be to idle cars 95% of the time.  

Their website states "From 2009 to 2013, the MTA abolished over 4,000 street parking places" out of 441,950 spaces.  That's still more than the entire length of the California coast.  Did you hear that? The SFMTA "abolished" 00.90% of parking?  To help put that into perspective check out the picture below.

These 4,000 spots were once used to not move a car 95% of the time, for free.  And just what are they doing now?

• Bus bulb-outs and extra bus stop room to accommodate double loading and capacity.
• Car Share programs for people who want to get rid of their car or currently don't own one.
• The 3 actual bike dedicated bike lanes in San Francisco.  
• Parklets for pedestrians to enjoy more space around their favorite shops and restaurants
• "Safety"- like "Daylighting" Street corners for pedestrian visibility.  

Can you believe the SFMTA would abolish a parking space like this just so pedestrian can avoid vehicle carnage?
image found here.

Car dominated balance supporter Brandon Carlson exclaimed, "Since when did the Municipal Transit Association get it in their thick head that street space should actually move something? What kind of planet are they on?"  Prop L supporters believe that removing a fraction of a percent of space for parking is nothing short of madness.  Their hope is that when you think of gridlock in SF, you think of blaming the streets that lost car storage in favor of moving people and keeping them safer.

Space utilized to move people more than 5% of the time?  Disgusting.
image found here.

Start-up Takes Advantage of Absurdly Free Parking in SF, Again!

"Where else would you find free real estate in a dense, expensive city?"
image found here.

Not since the gold rush era have we seen wealth created virtually overnight, and from exploring the untapped resources of California.  Now we're seeing venture capitalists looking for the next gold mine, whether it's renting out your house, driving people around in your private car, or the quasi-selling of free public parking spaces.  A start-up cutely named "Monkey Parking" tried, and failed at capitalizing on cheap parking space in San Francisco. And while selling information about people leaving parking spots doesn't fly with SF officials, that's not stopping another start-up from mining some gold from those sweet, sweet free parking spots around the city.

You'll be creating dynamic synergies in the comfort of a creepy van in no time!
image found here.  

Jeff Fender, co-founder of "Wheeled Business Gold" wants to start cashing in on the cheapest resource in San Francisco.  He explains, "We realized that cars in the city aren't utilized around 97% of the time and pay virtually nothing to be there.  So why not start putting these spaces to use?"  Jeff and his team have equipped cars with wifi, LCD's, smartphone chargers, coffee machines and a honey bucket.  They'll only charge the customers three dollars an hour for the service.  "Parking your car in San Francisco is free, and at most is $200 annually for a parking permit in the city.  We can conceivably make $43,800 a year just from bad parking policy."

Cashing in from a abundant free and natural resource - it's exactly what "Wheeled Business Gold" is all about.
image found here. 

Jeff said right now they're not so much worried about the city attorney as they are about the threat of parklets, bicycle parking and car share services.  "Anything that puts people ahead of automobiles will be detrimental to our business.  We need to make sure that this virtually free public land continues to be allocated to vehicles, and only vehicles." Jeff explained.  And while prices for everything in San Francisco continues to climb, from food, to transit, and parking, you can rest assured that SF parking will remain absurdly low and ripe for the picking.