In Steve Rubenstein's punny article "
Some bicyclists are hardheaded about mandatory-helmet law" (did you get that part, hardheaded?! Hahahaha *wipes tear) he goes to great lengths to show how foolish someone would be if they didn't wear a helmet leisurely riding a bicycle in a city. He doesn't address ~probably~ fictional places like "Malmö" where there are allegedly 310 miles of dedicated bike lanes that are separated by a divider and up a level from car traffic. In the 10 years from 2003 to 2012, the city has seen only 16 cyclists killed in an accident involving a car.
 |
Where are your bike helmets Malmo? You don't even really exist!
image found here. |
Steve' and his group Citizens Advocating Reasonable Suggestions ('C.A.R.S') say, "Getting a helmet onto a grown-up bicyclist’s head isn’t a no-brainer, even though the saving of brains is the idea." Oh god did he just say that?! Brilliant! Read the entire article for a whole slew of zingers like this. Steve gleefully avoids discussing other weird countries that don't have the same kinds of problems that the United States has with cyclists for some unknown reason.
 |
I don't care if bikers have an incredibly low injury and fatality rate Amsterdam! You should go to jail for not wearing a helmet!!!
image found here |
Officials began to realize that it's a lot easier to enact nanny state laws and blame everything on helmets than to build infrastructure. "Helmets are an inexpensive way of putting the onus on the person who got struck by a 2 ton vehicle traveling at high speeds" said Sergent Gary Walker, as he sped off in his tank-like cop car.
Bicycle advocates, and anyone who understands simple statistics, warned that helmets could actually have an adverse affect on cycling safety. They cited several articles that showed the more bikers who were out on the streets,
the safer they became, so helmets could actually reduce the amount of people biking on the streets and make everyone less safe. They also said that if we're going to make cyclists wear helmets then why not make basketball players, since the sport is the
most dangerous in the country.
 |
| Just put a helmet on it, duh. |
Concerned mothers and aunts soon began asking "why are WE THE TAXPAYERS paying for this special interest groups private playgrounds? The basketball courts put in public parks take away parking AND have to be paid for by funds that the BASKETBALL PLAYERS won't chip in for!?! The basketball lobby clearly has infiltrated parks & rec departments all across the county! How many basketball injuries go unreported each year? ITS THE NUMBER THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!"
As soon as officials heard this information, they immediately called for helmets to be worn by every basketball player. Anyone found not wearing a helmet would be a charged $200 fine. Basketball players have not taken these suggestions very well and said that it would make people less inclined to play basketball. Some basketball fans have cried out that they don't want to see their favorite player in a helmet.
 |
Oh enjoy the novelty now, but these will be mandatory soon!
image found here. |
News of this reached all the way up to the NBA, which then issued a statement in retaliation. Hey, did you know"
35,200 people died in US traffic accidents, plus there were about 3.8 million crash injuries requiring medical attention." If you think that basketball or even cycling injuries is a big deal, how are you even allowing people to drive, much less without helmets?"
 |
The best way to prevent a fraction of the 35,000 deaths in the United States? More like nanny state bullshit!
image found here. |
"C.A.R.S" lashed out saying, "this ridiculous burden on motorists would be difficult to enforce and would lead to a lot of unnecessary citations." They also claimed that this might turn more people off to driving if they're forced to wear a helmet, and what would they do then?! C.A.R.S. made more reasonable suggestions, like mandatory helmets for pedestrians and banning them from most city "
stroads".
