Thursday, March 20, 2014

A Pedestrian's Guide to Getting Along With Vehicles

As anyone who walks around San Francisco, you know that cars dominate the 40% of city designed to move and store vehicles, and that means we all need to work together.  So here's a tip on how to get along flawlessly with almighty vehicle.  Let's take a simple example.

You're a worthless pedestrian approaching a 4-way stop and you're about to cross but a car is blocking your route.  You should:

1. Recognize that being a pedestrian inherently makes you wrong.

It's your fault you decided to use your legs like a sucker.
Image found here.
Cars are bigger and faster and no matter how much you think you're right, you're wrong.  Let them figure out what's best.

2. Let the big shots pass.

What are you going to do about it?  That's right weakling pedestrian, nothing.

3. Bow down and apologize profusely for even considering crossing the street before a car does.

Just a simple gesture will go a long way to making peace with a blessed vehicle blocking their crosswalk.
Image found here
4. As the beautiful vehicle passes, wave and blow them kisses. Thank them for allowing you to even come near their vehicle unscathed.
We love you so much you blessed monsters!
Image found here.  
And there you have it, a perfect way to share the road that you don't deserve, and pass vehicles in a safe and respectful manner. Try this out next time you're foolishly on the road as a stupid pedestrian. You'll be glad you did!


  1. You really need to tell us what the best car worshiping practices are. There is a car god, right?

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Cars ARE gods. And you worship them in massive parking lots, duh.