Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Pedestrian's Guide to Getting Along With Vehicles - Part II

Has this ever happened to you?  You're foolishly using your legs like a sucker, walking down a sidewalk and you find yourself basking in the glory of a car parked on the sidewalk?  Well fear not, pathetic pedestrian.  Here are a few simple tips that can help in these situations.

How fortunate were you to be reminded about your foolish decision to walk on a sidewalk?!
image found here, courtesy of Patrick Traughber
Step 1: Don't get angry.  While a metallic marvel resting on a sidewalk might not be your cup of tea, it's a very low level offense in the eyes of the law.   Retaliation in any form, like causing permanent damage to the car, could be considered a felony.  Don't even think about it!  Come to think of it, you should write an apology note just for contemplating such a thing, you monster.

A nice little note will go a long way to mending the rift you caused.
Step 2: When you're done writing a pleasant, self-effacing note, delicately post it on the car.  Throw in a few bucks as well for their troubles!  After that, simply walk around that steel beauty on the street, ever so slightly bowing your head in reverence and shame.

You are, quite simply, the worst.
image found here
Step 3: Once you passed your combustible, metal superior, find the nearest police station and turn yourself in for jaywalking.  You should be ashamed of yourself.

Walk over to the nearest SFPD station, like the Park(ing) Station Police Department and turn yourself in for being a filthy jaywalker.
image found here.
Having this kind of humility when it comes to traversing our city streets will go a long way to making  our cities better for motorists everyone.

1 comment:

  1. In my neighborhood, dammit, I am thankful for wide sidewalks. My wife and I can both park our cars right in front of the stoop. So often, street parking is taken and it's so inconvenient to have to walk the greater distance. We'd use the garage but that's where we store our toys :)