Wednesday, July 17, 2013

AAA Approves Bike Transportation

There's been a lot of talk about American Automobile Association, and their utter disdain for anything other than vehicle dominance and lobbying for billions of miles for glorious highways and freeways.  But, friends, that's simply not true!  The AAA just wholeheartedly approved bicycles, with a few minor tweaks.

No, not this kind of bike you moron.  
AAA spokesman confirmed "We really need to start supporting this weird and useless form of transportation that doesn't take up enough space or waste enough fossil fuel.  We're working with various bike coalitions and large multinational vehicle manufacturers to come up with a viable solution to ensure that we don't lose revenue and relevance in modern society."

"Gas powered is certainly the way to go for bikes, but there aren't enough wheels"
The AAA says they have always been fans of bicycles, as an olive branch, they recently worked with a well angered bike coalition to ensure that there's one in every museum across the country.  They have even offered anywhere from $100 to $500 to reclaim used or new bikes and haul them to the local landfill.

"These beautiful useless artifacts belong indoors"
But museums aren't the only way AAA has gleefully tried to promote bikes.  They've also have offered safety tips.
  • Proper helmet sizing to hide your bike shame.
  • How to get out of the way of deserving motorists.
  • How to properly store your bike.
  • Transit tips to the nearest museum or landfill. 
  • Promoting WINGAC - "When in doubt, get a car".

"This is nearly acceptable"
So, friends, you can see there's no reason to fear the AAA.  They're on your side, even if you want to peddle your bike idiocy across the car dominated streets of San Francisco.  

"Finally, a bicycle we can be proud of" - AAA Spokesman

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