Sunday, October 13, 2013

SFPD Citing Bikers - "Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel"

Ticketing a biker is just this easy.
Image found here
The San Francisco Police Department has a limited amount of time and resources, and they're using it to tackle some of the big issues in the city; issues like Chess players on Market Street, enforcing dog bans in parks, and most importantly, busting bikers.

Deputy Kent exclaimed, "We're tired of trying to catch motorists speeding, illegal U-turns, running red lights, and endangering pedestrians and cyclists.  We heard that some bikes are strolling through stop signs at a couple miles an hour and we thought to ourselves, 'this is going to be easy!'"

Cop nestled into a bike lane to easily ticket a biker.
Image found here.
SFPD started the FIAB campaign when they realized they could catch bikers by walking, a light run, or in some cases, driving a block to ticket them.  "These people are pretty much endangering themselves, and that's just unacceptable to the SFPD for, reasons."

We also need to enforce the idea that these mechanical pedestrian extensions are a danger to society.  "I know people get this idea from Denmark and The Panhandle that bikers and pedestrians can coexist without stop signs and stop lights, but this is America!" said Kent.

Cop Ticketing Jaywalker for endangering his life because, "We care? *wink*  and it's super easy"
Image found here.
If the "Fish In A Barrel" program is a success, the SFPD hopes to completely abandon the little time they spend enforcing motorist laws and focus on Jaywalkers, texting pedestrians, and ticketing old and handicapped people who can't make it through the crosswalk in time.  "Even though motorists kill, maim, and destroy, it's just so much easier for my crew to catch people endangering themselves instead."

The Netherlands' bullshit idea that bikes and people can coexist in peace, rainbows. and unicorns  


  1. Shooting off your mouth about shooting fish in a barrel when you haven't tried it is just beyond the pale, sir. Unless you have a sawed-off shotgun, it's not an easy way to kill fish.

  2. You don't know my life! I've shot plenty of fish in barrels in my life... tiny...tiny...barrels.

  3. Hooray for the SFPD! It's long overdue that they clamped down on renegade, reckless cyclists. So sorry that you guys don't like obeying traffic laws like the rest of us, but you're required to do so, and when you don't--just like anyone else!--you get a FUCKING TICKET.

    Enjoy, and welcome to reality!

    1. Nah nah nah boo boo, stick your head in poo poo!

      Now that that's out of the way, please go Google some articles about European road design and see why enforcing stupid laws in a stupid road design is, well, stupid.

  4. These two wheeled menaces have killed an averaged of 17 pedestrian a year! Oh wait no that's cars but I'm sure it's just as many if not more.

  5. As a bonus, those cars don't even get a [ALL-CAPS EXPLETIVE DELETED] TICKET when they kill somebody in San Francisco every 3 weeks.