Saturday, July 18, 2015

National Crisis - Hospitals Filled With Bicyclist inflicted "Near Misses"

There's a crisis brewing across the nation.   It affects people in cities, suburbs and even rural America. They're struggling to deal with the staggering amount of "near misses" caused by people on bikes every day.  These tragedies usually happen when a biker rides a few feet near a person, only to be screamed at due to the obvious death and injury they might cause.  The results of such an altercation can be catastrophic.

One of many hospitals across the U.S. filled with bicycle "near misses"
image found here.
No one really knows how often these tragedies strike, but most likely over of 30,000 a year.  The National Journal of Anecdata speculates that it's even more lethal than terrorists, sharks and serial killers.  Doctors have been overwhelmed with the sheer number of patients walking into the hospitals. They're also dumbfounded as how to deal with these debilitating "nearly hit" injuries. Some have called into question whether bicycling should be outlawed to stop the spread of near misses.

Doctor looking over "nearly hit" patient's x-ray, filled with unbroken bones and non-contusions.
image found here
While doctors across the country search for a cure to "near misses", police are hitting the streets to stop this scourge before it even happens.  The San Francisco Park Station Police Department has ramped up enforcement of laws that logically apply to nimble, lightweight non-motorized "vehicles".  The SFPD Park Station said at a recent meeting, "The damage that a car inflicts is far worse than what a bike can do, but we get the most complaints about bicyclists," undoubtedly the result of debilitating bicycle "near misses".  One resident, Meg Rosenfeld, suggested they should "Shoot the bicyclists" in order to right these cyclist wrongs.

While there's currently no way to tally, prevent and predict all the near misses around the country, city governments will continue to crack down on the behavior.  This troubling epidemics has made some people even question seemingly benign events like "Sunday Streets" where bicyclists mix with and undoubtedly terrorize pedestrians.  Statistics on the bloodshed and terror haven't been disclosed, as if they don't even exist.  The police department won't let statistics deter them and plan on cracking down on the event in the near future.  "If we can get even one reckless bicyclist off the street and into an SUV, we've done our job", said one officer.

Sunday Streets: Bikers wreaking havoc in SF, ignoring stop signs and lights which are undoubtedly the leading causes of "near miss" casualties.
image found here.


  1. You'd think this is satire but it's all painfully true. Except for this part* "...when a biker rides by a person within a few feet"

    *Everyone knows bike riders like to cut pedestrians off to show they will get to their destination FIRST! Arrogant ignorance.

  2. Pedestrians have walked out from behind parked cars an into the street an I was knocked on the ground. Fat Latin women have doored me landed on the ground disabling my bike cops won't take a report.