Friday, June 10, 2011

"Bike to Work Day, or We'll Fuck You Up"

Since the saving grace once known as the bike injunction was lifted, the Bike Plan hell-gates opened and ushered in a transportation dark age for all of San Francisco.  43 percent (14.5 miles) of transit crushing bike lanes and an nauseating amount (40 miles) of shared lane markings have been implemented on 104 street segments.   With a city that has 1260 miles of streets, it cannot afford to share 2.6% of its road for bicycle wet dreams.  

But, friends, everyone knows that Bike to work day is a huge steaming load of propaganda, and if man was meant to cycle, roads would already have bike lanes attached to them.  Finally, though, the REAL truth comes out.  Here's an article I dug up that you won't find anywhere else so don't even bother

"Bike to Work Day, or We'll Fuck You Up: Bike Nuts Take it One Step Farther"

May is National Bike Month, and bicycle advocates and lawmakers across California are boosting efforts to increase bike ridership as well as improve bicycle safety. May 12th marks bike advocate's most celebrated events, Bike to Work Day, and people across the state are encouraging cities to help make roads bike friendly and encourage businesses to promote cycling.  But many are questioning if this is truly enough. 

SF Citizens biking of their own free will (for now)

Larry Gravins, local bike advocate agrees.  "We've gotten as far with our anti-car agenda, by removing as much street parking as possible and destroyed as many car friendly merchants as we could.  We've already reached our most ambitious goal of using 1.3% of the SF roads for bike/shared lanes. We've hit the limit of how far that these initiatives can take us, and now it's up to purposeful violence to speed up the process." 

Larry suggests that next year biking becomes mandatory for anyone going to work.  The 25 Bike to Work Energizer Stations citywide, would be replaced with flogging checkpoints.  Reusable bike bags would no longer be a perk, and instead, bikers would receive stickers that will hopefully stave off a beating from their fellow biking coworkers. 
Bike Advocates plan to move away from the dangling carrot and more towards the stick. 
Jennie Severson, part of the new B.T.W.D.O.W.F.Y.U. initative."Sure you can try to make biking safer in the city, and improve paths, but at some point you're going to have to pick up a bat and threaten physical harm if someone doesn't want to bike." San Franciscan's are rejoicing at the prospect of taking part in this next logical step of the biking campaign. 

Though nearly a year away, Bike enthusiasts begin practicing in Golden Gate park to add the "or we'll fuck you up" to the next Bike to Work Day. 
Some bike advocates hope to avoid violence all together by passing an ordinance that would force motorists to bike to work or face criminal charges.  Drivers would face the possibility of turning in their car for a bike,  painting new strips of bike lane, or spending a week in Jail.

Local Car Messiah, Rob Gunderson had the following to say, "I'd rather fucking go to jail, you assholes."   

1 comment:

  1. This is clearly the only direction this movement can go. I'm wondering if the Bay Area Bike Commuter of the Year (BCOTY) is the leader of this gang? Would love to hear your opinions about the existence of BCOTY...