Thursday, June 2, 2011

Fell & Masonic Bike Light Shield: Oregon Trail-like Repercussions

The foolish residents of NOPA and all the bike idiots decided that cars traveling 30+ miles an hour making a left-hand turn into pedestrian and bike traffic was a bad idea.  They couldn't just wait until the city officials or the transit authority deemed the intersection as dangerous.  It's also possible that some kind of legal entanglement stopped anyone from getting this installed, which was probably due to someone's bleeding heart for the environment.  Guess we'll never know.  Anyway, the bike shield has only been around for about a year, but I'm an expert at statistical analysis, and you're too stupid to understand them, so I'll spare you the details.  Sufficed to say, it's been an absolute failure. 

Check out this Bullshit
This bike light was supposed to stop any, and all, accidents from ever occurring on this intersection.  Well guess what, THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.  Not only did this bike light fail to stop every accident, but it has caused Oregon Trail-like Repercussions.  People are now packing their cars with ammo, food, and plenty of family members because most of them, sadly, make the entire journey.  

After the bike light was installed, at least one person out of each car has died of Dysentery. 
Clearly the light Fucked up traffic beyond hope for drivers and now they have to wait for what now is an eternity, to take a left turn.  Maybe some day progressive folks will realize the folly of trying, but for now we have to live with the dire consequences of this unreasonable attempt at safety. 

"Get in the car kids, we're heading down Fell Street... that's why we haven't named your youngest brother yet."


  1. I hear ya! I've just plain given up on trying to turn left there. I prefer the three rights make a left routine for that one (like the old Karel the Robot program). Ashbury, Hayes, Masonic FTW!

  2. Hey guys - have you seen this home video of Rob Anderson as a child?

  3. That picture is exactly where someone running the red light hit me on Tuesday.

  4. Yes, Blobree, while Fell Street is ruined forever, the Masonic Fwy does get you through "efficiently". I just wish they would get rid of all the damn crosswalks on it. I heard you can get from Anza to the Panhandle in About 75 Seconds, but I think we can do better.

  5. The bike-nuts at city hall want to lower the speed limit around schools. How much more anti-car can they get?? Stop the madness!!

  6. That's just another ploy from the Walk Nuts. They want this whole city covered in sidewalks.