The enthusiasm of Prop A and B passing and the defeat of Prop L quickly died away this week when San Franciscans opened their eyes to THE STUDY TO END ALL STUDIES. Not the study about cycling increasing economic prosperity on streets with bike lanes. It's not the study about bike infrastructure and bike shares improving safety. It was the UC STUDY that links cycling to DOOM!!! RAGE CAPS!!! The study found from 2000 to 2009, 2,504 people got hurt on their bikes over a ten year period. Considering that 43,000 commute by bike a day in the Bay Area it was obviously a big deal. The city hasn't been this shocked since Fox News brought attention to the Ebola Non-pandemic in the US.
San Franciscans meticulously read this study that showed there's a .0015% chance that someone riding a bike could get hurt enough to warrant a trip to the ER. Screams reverberated throughout SF as each person came to the exact same conclusion again and again. Vowing to never stand astride a bicycle again, people flocked in droves back into cars. San Franciscans have been seen taking bikes to recycling centers hoping to get what few pennies on the dollar they can as the worth of a bicycle nears zero. "I'm just hoping I can get enough money for this death machine to fuel my safe SUV for a few miles" said one ex-biker.
|It'll be 1956 all over again!" Bikes are left out on the curb and gutters" Vans are collecting these incredibly dangerous contraptions to throw into the nearest gorge|
image found here.
|"After reading that UC study we just realized how unsafe it is to walk or bike your kid to work"|
|Citing "The Study" the city of San Francisco plans to install more wide streets like this to ensure no one ever tries to ride a dangerous bicycle in the condensed, heavily populated city of SF.|
image found here
A Bay Area shut-in blogger pronounced it a "sound move' and added 'for the children". "People will look back and wonder what they ever found attractive about their idiotcycles as they rush their cars down Masonic Ave. with its fresh new bikelane-free margins at highway speeds. All I can say is thank God for that UC study!"