UC Study Irrefutably Concludes: Cycling = DOOM

You might be surprised to know which one of these things is the most dangerous
 (*hint* It's biking with your family)
Images found here, here, and here.

For anyone who rides a bicycle in the city of San Francisco, I have some shocking news for you.  Did you know that you can get hurt by riding a bicycle?!?  It's true, even though the city and the Bicycle Coalition touts that it's perfectly 100% safe, probably.  Well this UC study proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that cycling is the WORST. THING. EVER.  The study found from 2000 to 2009 / 2,504 people got hurt on their bikes over a ten year period.  Considering that 43,000 commute by bike a day in the Bay Area, I'm sure that number is super scary.

You might be asking yourself a few questions about this data and I'm here to help guide you to the logical conclusion that biking is absolutely the most asinine thing you can do.

Question 1: There's a lot of different kinds of cycling: racing, recreational, long distance, commuting.  Does the study say what these cyclists were doing?  Maybe there's a correlation between things like age, type of biking and injury?

Answer: Shut up it doesn't matter all biking is the same to me and it should be the same to you!

This is really the only way biking could be any more dangerous.
image found here 

Question 2: If an average of 43,000 people are cycling each day, and you multiplied that by 365 days for 10 years, doesn't that mean one person was injured about every 1.5 days?  Doesn't that mean one person is injured out of every 64,500 bike trips, and bikers have .a 0015% chance of getting injured enough to warrant a trip to the ER?

Answer: You're a crazy bike-nut.  I don't let facts get in the way of my righteous indignation.

Question 3:  I saw an article about the New York City Bike Share and they've had very little injury and zero deaths.  Out of 8.75 million trips, they've had about 100 crashes reported, and about 25 of them required a trip to the ER.  How do you explain that?

Answer: Don't try and change the subject!!! This is about San Francisco and it's only ok for me to reference other cities when I'm discussing how ruinous biking is.

Think biking is safe?  Think again.  All these bikers are now DEAD.
image found here. 

Question 4: Couldn't you argue that walking and driving a car could also be dangerous?  Can you compare all the modes of transportation?

Answer: No and don't ever tell me what to do again.

Conclusion from the UC study: "trauma centers can play a key role in future collaborations to define issues and develop prevention strategies for CO (Cyclist Only) crashes."

Bob's Conclusion: Biking is simply the most atrocious thing you can do for yourself because some people get hurt doing it.  Think of biking as eating a plate of radioactive lard while being shot out of a cannon into a tank of starving sharks.  It's just that hazardous. Now throw away that pesky bike of yours and get yourself into a sweet sweet automobile.  I just saved your life, my friend.

Now doesn't this look a lot safer and healthier?
image found here.