Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Netherland's NPR Guest Hosts Traffic Report - Has Nervous Breakdown

Recently KQED invited Helen Baardsson from Holland, as she has been touring the USA and discussing the various transportation modes available in her country.  Helen particularity enjoyed talking about the health benefits of biking and her favorite routes in great detail.  The regular traffic reporter was out on vacation and they asked Helen if she could cover the segment.  With great jubilation Helen said yes, and misery subsequently ensued.

Image found here.
***Begin Transcript***

Good afternoon I'm Helen Baardsson with the KQED traffic report.

Big delays on highway 280... why would there be delays look at the size of that highway with all the lanes.   How does something that monstrous slow down?  Why are most of these highways NOT moving people right now?  Shouldn't the cars be moving?

6 care pile-up on Highway 101 near Palo Alto.  What does a "pile-up" mean did they pile on top of each other? What happened to them?  Are we going to find out soon?  I should keep going?  Ok...

Highway 880 has a stalled vehicle on fire... on fire? Did they have maintenance check the vehicle before.. no one checks them?  But people check trains before they... ok ok...

The left lane of highway 82 has slowed down due to an oxygen tank in the... what?! There's an actual oxygen tank that just fell in the middle of the road?!

There's a motorcycle spill on... wait, what does "spill" mean?  It collided with a truck? Oh that can't be good at all does it say if they were ok or not?  CHP is on the way oh goodness please hurry guys.

Traffic report brought to you buy.. who the heck cares a bunch of people are seriously hurt and probably dead!  I'm not reading this book of hell anymore!

***End Transcript***

Helen refused to continue with the report, or visit the US ever again.
image found here.


  1. Good Riddens Helen! You're not as wanted as you think you are.

  2. did this really happen?

  3. For what to do about the immediate problem, ADOT's Arizona Bicycling Street Smarts recommends waiting, or failing that, treating the signal as inoperative:buy traffic cheap