L Taraval Project: "Vision: Zero Loss of Parking"

Based on community screams, the SFMTA managed to save all the parking and create "bus shelters" out of paint, parked cars, and the broken promise of enforcement along the L Taraval corridor.
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The SFMTA presented on the L Taraval project, a plan to address the needs of 29,000 daily riders with bus bulb-outs, transit lanes, and all other kinds of things that were booed and hissed by a parking obsessed audience.  One SFMTA representative told the fiery group that Taraval Street is one of San Francisco’s most dangerous corridors, which the audience promptly replied with eye-rolls, indignant looks, and a single muffled cough.

SFMTA representative, wet from rain, tears, or fright.
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Even though the SFMTA told them the project adds 13 to 40 parking spaces, a ravenous audience member screamed “You’re still ruining it for those merchants!” noting that parking has to be right in front of the business because no one should be forced the indignity of walking. When the SFMTA representative tried to explain that 22 people were hit while walking to the trains, the audience screamed “doesn’t seem like that many!"

Supervisor Katy Tang introduces herself to the group before she sits down and listens to her constituents devalue human life and demand space to store their personal property. 
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Despite all the screams from a few merchants and residents who abhor safe bipedal movement, the project will move forward as a pilot.  The SFMTA said they would look into the ideas presented by people who value the immobility of their car above human life.   None of the precious parking will be moved at four of the five business-located stops.  Instead, the SFMTA will paint white cross-hatches and pray to whatever deity they believe in in the hopes that no train riders will perish.


Every "Vision Zero" project should result in a net gain to parking!
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In Response to Ongoing MUNI Issues - SFMTA Hire Raccoons

Raccoons starting their first day of training.
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The SFMTA and the public are upset over the recent "Sick out" that left many of them stranded and stuck in overcrowded buses.  With MUNI support at an all time low, the SFMTA has finally gone through with their "Plan R": hiring feral raccoons to run the buses.

Michelle Gregory, part time school teacher and regular transit rider commented, "if you asked me a few years ago if raccoons should operate the MUNI system I would have said 'hell no!' But after all the years of shoddy service, breakdowns, and strikes, I say why not give it a try.  Can't be any worse than it already is." She also commented that getting rabies was a small price to pay for actually getting to work at a reasonable time.    

"They're actually really attentive, safety conscious, and hardly ever bite."
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The SFMTA says they will save hundreds of millions of dollars per year since they only have to pay for cardboard boxes and premium garbage for the transit beasts.  Management is currently looking for "cute little hats and uniforms for the buggers".    

**Update**

After a week of being on the job the critters started a "Racoonion", and made demands for less work during daylight hours, marshmallows, and better access to trash cans.  SFMTA management immediately denied these demands, stating that it was not in the negotiated contract.  The Racoonion has since left their posts and refused to work until the SFMTA meets their fair and reasonable demands.

Not going in today - Nope nope nope
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