MTA Pilots Humaniti ® Technology on City Streets

Metro Transit Authorities have long tried to curb the tide of death and dismemberment on the roads with paint, blinking lights, and cement to no avail.  Citing over 30,000 deaths a year, mostly due to driver neglect, the MTA has looked for options that instill some form of humanity in the hearts and minds of motorists.  One Silicon Valley based startup, founded by Stan Arguile, may have just the solution to the city's Vision Zero goals.  It's called Humaniti ® and so far the results have been nothing short of remarkable.

The Humaniti ® system can cover 3 square miles and interact with over 3000 heartless motorists at any given time.

With Stan's system, motorists experience feelings of humanity while driving through the city.  For instance, when a motorists runs a red light they might see their grandmother being utterly destroyed by their very own car.  Sometimes people speeding or texting will see their children running to get a ball and find themselves utterly shaken.   The system is smart enough to even detect motorists in the crosswalks and experience the annoyance and danger they would be feeling if they were walking. Stan said it even can recognize annoyances like people on extremely loud motorcycles.  "I've seen several guys on motorcycles turn off the road screaming 'holy shit I'm a total asshole!'"

Cheryl, after taking a sharp right turn past some pedestrians, experiences what it would be like to run over her beloved puppy in such a haste.
image found here.

When asked what happens to licensed motorists completely devoid of any humanity at all , Stan replied, "motorist sociopaths typically experience feelings of their own bones cracking or being thrown across the street to the side of the road.  The Humaniti ® system will try out all sorts of scenarios until it senses the user emotionally reacts to the crime they're committing."  He also noted that, "jackwagons laying on the horn have been reduced 94%."  

Lenny McClayton, sneers at the "F*cking box that makes me feel feelings"
image found here.

Humaniti ® has been piloted in several cities with remarcable results.  Vehicle collisions have gone down 75% since their installation.  The City of San Francisco saw a huge drop in car ridership and a 250% increase in public transit, walking and cycling.  But it has not been without its critics. Motorists have expressed frustration with the new system and they've been asking for higher penalities and even jail time to avoid having to feel the anxiety of driving a two ton vehicle at high velocities in a pedestrian rich environment.  "Just give me a ticket or something I can't deal with the potential consequences of my choice to drive my car on the road " one teary eyed motorists explained.

"The Humanit ® system will find anything to distract the driver from the confines of their vehicle and convince them they're still a part of humanity."

Not only has Stan experienced some criticism, but he's also had several Humaniti ® systems destroyed by neighborhoods that just couldn't deal with the potential consequences they might have due to their own reckless behavior.  Stan said this will not stop him, but he might make some tweaks to Humaniti 2.0 ®.  "We've been toying with the idea of having the system reward people with a shot of serotonin for driving like decent human beings.  You know, the ones that put the lives of others ahead of their own time and convenience?"

Motorists Coalition Restoring Car Dominated Transportation Balance to San Francisco - Finally!

If you look around San Francisco, you'll undoubtedly see every street moving car traffic, and cars parked on every street.  What you didn't know is that it's severely out of balance with nine slightly dedicated bus lanes, and six dedicated bike lanes strewn about the city.  Well a ragtag group of motorists are about to change the landscape of San Francisco to balanced levels not seen since - five years ago.  

A Transit only lane? Unbalanced!!!
Geary at Powell Street. Photo: Cheryl Brinkman

The "Motorist Coalition" believes that balanced transportation policies would better serve San Francisco motorists, pedestrians, motorists, first responders, motorists, motorists, taxi riders, Muni riders, motorists and bicyclists, motorists, and it also addresses the unique needs of the senior motorists, children motorists, families with motorists, and motorists.  Hopefully they can be more powerful than the enraged car lovers that managed to severely alter or halt plans on Geary BRT, Van Ness BRT, Market Street, Irving Street, and Polk Street.  

A bike lane wedged between car traffic and dooring zones? Unbalanced!
Image found here.  

Their aim is to restore balance to the City’s transit policy and adopt a 'WWCD?' ideology (What Would Car's Do?) .  All traffic laws should be equally enforced, from the distracted pedestrian walking outside of a magical crosswalk, a cyclist taking an Idaho roll, or an SUV speeding and going through red lights.   Variable meter pricing should not be imposed on neighborhoods unilaterally, because unlike everything else in San Francisco, parking should be free. In short, motorists should not bear the brunt of the SFMTA’s unreasonable regulations and mandates that make parking market based, manageable and effective. 

Unbalanced! It should be 110% capacity and FREE!
Image found here. 

The Motorhead group also believes that despite the benefits of boosting business by making it easier for drivers to park in commercial districts, to reduce circling time and congestion by improving spot availability, and to subsidize operational costs for the Muni transit service, it was severely unbalanced because it only helped out everyone.

Most of the balance will come from their charter:

1. Parking (not transit) is and should always be super cheap, free, and also available to everyone, somehow.  Parking meters should not operate on any City and County holiday listed on sfgov.org, on Sundays, or outside the hours of 9:00 am to 6:00 p.m. Commencing July 1, 2015, fees for parking garages, meters, parking tickets, and neighborhood parking permits should be frozen for five years, allowing the City to annually adjust thereafter only for Consumer Price Index (CPI) increases.

Balanced
Image found here. 

2. Only put meters in places where merchants and household want them, like we do with stop signs, stop lights, and speed limits.  The introduction of parking meters or variable meter pricing into neighborhoods where they currently do not exist should be allowed only upon petition by the majority of the affected households and merchants.

3. Construct neighborhood parking garages in magical space located in all neighborhoods that will be underutilized and far below the market price of anything else that exists in SF.  A portion of any additional parking or motorists' fees and new bond monies earmarked for the San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency (SFMTA) should go to the construction and operation of neighborhood parking garages.

4. Ensure the roads are safe for everyone, but also make it easy for cars to swiftly move through streets free from the distraction of bikers and pedestrians.  Any proposed re-engineering of traffic flows in the City should aim to achieve safer, smoother-flowing streets.

Fair and Balanced
Image found here. 

5. Enforce traffic laws the same way we treat all laws in San Francisco - manslaughter, littering , vandalism, drug dealing, public nudity. It's all the same!  Traffic laws should be enforced equally for everyone using San Francisco’s streets and sidewalks.

6. Regular Muni riders, pedestrians, and cyclists, are not people who ever drive cars.  There should be people on the SFMTA board who exclusively drive a car so there's a more balanced perspective.  The seven-member SFMTA Board should include not only four regular riders of Muni, but a fair representation of all transportation stakeholders, including motorists. The SFMTA should create a Motorists’ Citizens Advisory Committee in addition to its other advisory committees.

Hopefully with the help of the motorist coalition, we can 

achieve this kind of balance in San Francisco again!

7. Apply a WWCD policy to everything that happens on San Francisco streets.   The Board of Supervisors shall make every reasonable effort to implement the components of this policy through appropriate legislative and administrative acts, including but not limited to acts relating to enacting, repealing, reconciling, amending, and/or ameliorating the components of this policy with other existing laws, regulations, blah blah blah blah blah cars blah.

Hopefully the Motorist Coalition can put a little sense and clarity into San Francisco Street Design, where motorists can have more of most of everything, and free of charge, as god intended.  

"If You're Going to Get Hit by A Car, Make Sure to do it in a Crosswalk"

The pressure is on for the SFPD to step up their enforcement of our streets to ensure they are safer. Citations have increased 54% citywide. They are targeting everyone from speeding cars, relatively quick bicyclists, and slow-ass pedestrians.  They've even issued a ticket out to the worst offenders of all, the elderly.

The man was hit by a car walking away from St. Mary's Cathedral on Geary Freeway/Boulevard on Sunday and was admitted to the hospital. The 86 year old suffered a compound fracture, but that wasn't enough.  He was issued a jaywalking ticket soon after he was admitted.  SFPD Spokesman said "he really should have been moving at a snails pace inside of crosswalk.  You know, that small stretch of painted street that keeps pedestrians safe until they magically turn back into car owned space once the pedestrian light stops flashing?"

The difference between safe legal walking and illegal and reckless crossing known as "Jaywalking"
image found here.

While some "walk nuts" have argued that the burden should fall on people who choose to drive a 2 ton vehicle at a high velocity on city streets.  Others believe that even if 60% of the accidents are the result of motorist negligence, people like the elderly, children, bicyclists can be equally at fault to the eyes of the law.  "It's about enforcing the law, not just about public safety." tweeted a motorist speeding down Van Ness Avenue.

Get in the crosswalk if you're going to struck, idiots!
Image found here.

A new Chicago Department of Transportation study shows that most pedestrian accidents occur in crosswalks. They happen even when the pedestrian has the right of way.  SFPD Spokesman said, "We really want to get the message out to people that they need to get struck inside the crosswalks and not outside of them. That's the best place to be, for, reasons."  The SFPD hopes these measures teach everyone in San Francisco a lesson, and not just the people who can inflict bodily injury and property damage.

Crosswalks, they're "Saaaaaafesque"!